10 I'm Afraid of Breaking Off Her Wings

Shouko groaned, a terrible ache came from her lower body spreading to her entire limbs. She pressed both of her hands on her aching lower abdomen. A short sigh escaped her lips. Her brows furrowed as she was trying to bear the pain.

"...ko?"

Who's that?

In her subconscious state, a familiar voice was calling out to her. And, there was warmth seeping from the top of her hands.

"Shouko?"

Shouko slowly opened her eyes, the images in front of her was a blur, overlapping each other before they slowly merged into one. Her gaze was focused on the empty pillows beside her.

Eh?

Shouko lowered down her gaze toward her lower abdomen. Her hands were pressing on her tummy and there was a large palm enveloping the back of her hands. She retraced her gaze toward the wrist of the hand, went to the upper arm before she saw a pair of eyes with deep concern in them.

"Kyoya?" She softly whispered the name.

"Does your tummy hurt?" Kyoya looked at her hands that were still clenching fists on her lower abdomen before his gaze went to her pale face. "Are you alright?"

"Oh... it's bearable."

Kyoya helped Shouko to sit up, he placed small pillows behind her back. Shouko watched him in silence. He was still wearing the dark grey dress shirt that he wore to the office.

"Have you just came back? What time it is?"

Her last memory was of she went to take a nap. She slept so soundly until the pain suddenly surging thus waking her up.

"It's 8. Just the right time for dinner," He answered, his eyes didn't wander far from her face.

Shouko was surprised. She had slept for too long?

"You should wash your face," Kyoya poured her a glass of water, he gently brought the rim to her lips. "The dinner has been prepared."

"Oh..." Shouko took the glass from his hand and quickly downed its entire content. Her throat was parched.

Kyoya went to call for Old Toshio. A few seconds later, Noriko came. She was tasked to help Shouko to get to the washroom. Kyoya retreated from the room, he went inside the room opposite the master bedroom.

When Shouko was done, he returned with a set of comfortable home clothes on his body.

"How's your day?" Kyoya gestured for Noriko to leave which the latter complied. He placed both of his hands on Shouko's shoulders as he brought her to the round table. "Did Grandpa annoy you?"

Remembering the jovial old man, Shouko couldn't help but laugh softly. "Grandpa is fun. En, maybe a bit childish?"

Kyoya heaved a sigh of relief. After making sure Shouko was comfortable in her own seat, he rounded the table and went to sit opposite her. By this time, Old Toshio and the maids had arrived with their dinner.

Kyoya instructed all of them to retreat, leaving only him and Shouko in the master bedroom. Shouko ate her dinner bit by bit, her forehead would crease occasionally as she felt the pain coming from her lower abdomen.

"Kyoya..."

"En?"

"That... did the doctor say something about my injury? I mean, why does my tummy hurt like this? I couldn't see any sign of injury here."

It hurt a lot as if she was having continuous menstrual cramps.

Once her words fell, his hands that were holding the cutlery stiffened for a split second. Kyoya blinked once, regaining his composure before he worriedly looked at his wife.

"Does it hurt a lot? It's an internal injury, that's why you couldn't see the sign. I'll ask Shou to come here to inspect you."

"Ah? No, there's no need." Shouko waved her uninjured hand, refusing the offer. "I could just take the medicine. Don't worry."

Kyoya paused, taking some time to think. After a while, he nodded.

"Alright. But, if it's unbearable please tell me. Don't hide your pain from me."

"Oh... alright." Shouko had no choice but to agree. After all, he had compromised with her.

After dinner, Kyoya accompanied Shouko in the master bedroom before it was time for her to sleep. They chatted about random things as she was still trying to familiarize herself with her new surroundings. Kyoya was being patience as ever answering her questions.

"Go to sleep," Kyoya gently urged her once he saw her yawning. "It's already late."

"En?" Shouko rubbed her tired eyes. "Does the medicine make me sleepy? I think I've slept a lot today."

Kyoya stifled a laugh. His whole countenance softened.

As Shouko slowly fall asleep, Kyoya tucked her properly under the blanket before he increased the temperature of the room. It was getting colder at night, he was afraid the cold would further aggravate her pain.

Kyoya returned to his room. He fished out his phone from the pocket of his pants. He swiftly dialed Shou's number.

"What's up?" His cheery voice made Kyoya narrowed his eyes.

"Her lower abdomen hurts a lot, she said so. Should I bring her to a check-up?" Kyoya immediately got down into business. He moved from the door to the balcony of the room, afraid of letting anyone heard his conversation. He properly closed the French doors behind him.

"It's normal. Just let her rest and don't skip the medicine," Shou was rather laidback when providing his advice. "It'd be better soon. Thank God her bleeding has stopped before she regained consciousness."

"Okay."

Kyoya hung up the phone. At the end of the line, a shocked Shou was left dumbfounded before he started cursing under his breath.

This man! He really knows how to enrage me! He's just using me as he sees fit!

Back to Rosy Mansion, Old Toshio came knocking on Kyoya's door with a gentleman dressed in a plaid suit behind him. The gentleman carried a kind temperament. A pair of round glasses sat on top of his nose bridge.

"Young Master, Doctor Sagawa is here," Old Toshio announced once he opened the door.

Kyoya glanced at the man. He nodded once. "Wait over there."

He went inside the built-in wardrobe to change into a set of pajamas. While he was buttoning the pajamas, his eyes landed on a velvet box placed on the vanity table. He pondered for a while, eventually his hand reaching for the box.

Doctor Sagawa had complete his preparation. He respectfully greeted Kyoya before beckoning him to lay on the bed.

"I'll begin now, Young Master."

Kyoya grunted as a response. He got on the bed, one of his hands firmly holding onto the velvet box.

Doctor Sagawa was his private hypnotist. He had rarely summoned back to work but now it seemed he needed to return to his post. Old Toshio had briefly filled him in so he didn't show any inquiry when he started doing his job. He began by playing a piece of soft music to lighten the atmosphere first.

Kyoya closed his eyes, Doctor Sagawa's gentle voice slowly filled in the room. His voice was soothing, it could easily lure someone to sleep yet... even after almost thirty minutes, the man lying on the bed had yet to enter the sleeping state.

Doctor Sagawa wasn't one to easily giving up. He gave another shot. Old Toshio remained standing near the bed, witnessing the entire process.

One hour and a half later-

"Young Master," Doctor Sagawa was not willing to say it yet he had failed, again.

Kyoya raised his hand, the dark circles under his eyes were deepening. Without uttering a single one, he gestured for the doctor to be dismissed.

Doctor Sagawa sighed in disappointment. "I'm sorry, Young Master."

After packing up all of his things, he left the room. Old Toshio looked worried as he stared at the man that was now leaning against the headboard. The man hung his head low, he was playing with a small velvet box on his palm. His expression was grim, he was akin an unsatisfied beast waiting to devour its prey.

"Young Master, it's dangerous to increase the dose of the sleeping pills," Old Toshio reminded him.

If the hypnosis failed, Kyoya would resort to taking sleeping pills but to avoid him building tolerance, Doctor Sagawa and Shou advised him against him. Even right now, the dose had gradually increased.

Since last winter, he had been depending on hypnosis and sleeping pills whenever the night arrived. The last time he needed them was close to five years ago.

"It's okay. You may leave," Kyoya said without lifting up his eyes. He kept on staring at the velvet box.

"That... Alright. Please call me if you needed me, Young Master."

Old Toshio knew it was a futile attempt to coax him so he quietly left with a heavy heart. Once he stepped out of the room, his eyes focused on the closed door of the room opposite Kyoya's.

If only he could tell the Young Madam about it.

But, thinking back, his Young Master has certainly changed. Before, whenever he couldn't sleep, he would be in a rage but right now, his temperament had grown milder. It wasn't as scary as five years ago.

Indeed, Young Madam was the healing he needed.

Kyoya was silently playing with the velvet box. Its soft fabric brushed his rough palm. Bit by bit, he felt an uncontrollable urge to destroy something - anything. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.

He tried imagining his happy memories, all related to her yet all of them were a blur at this moment.

Instead, her crying face was projected clearly in his mind.

Her tears. The sorrow and loss of hope in her eyes. The trembling of her body when she rejected his touch. Her hoarse voice begging him to let her go.

All of them was a painful memory for him.

Yet, he couldn't blame her.

From the beginning, he understood it was hard to bring her out from the dark cage imprisoning her heart after it happened yet as time passed by, he wondered if he should really let her go to make her happy again. The same thought had crossed his mind countless times but he wouldn't, couldn't grant her wish.

He would rather be hated by her, be despised his entire life than allowing her to leave.

But, if he did that, she could no longer be saved from the darkness.

The whispers of the demons and angels were conflicting in his mind, making him felt more and more helpless as time went by.

Kyoya shook his head, it wasn't the right time to dwell on the past. He got off the bed, wore the slippers and went out of his room.

He stood in front of the closed door of the master bedroom, hesitated to go through with what had suddenly come to his mind. After contemplating for a while, he opened the door.

On the vast bed, Shouko was sleeping soundly under the blanket. Under the soft light of the moon, he could see her chest moved in a steady rhythm as she was breathing softly. Once he saw the serene expression on her delicate face, his tensed nerves gradually loosened.

Kyoya walked inside without making noise for fear of waking her up. He sat on the couch placed not far from the bed. He sat down and just directed his gaze on her sleeping face.

Feeling the velvet box inside his palm, he opened it, revealing a beautiful diamond ring inside. It matched the one ring he had always worn around his left ring finger. It was her wedding ring.

God, let me be selfish for this one time. If... one day she remembered all those painful memories, give me the strength to allow her to leave if that would make her happy.

Because I'm afraid of damaging her, afraid of breaking off her wings.

Please.

She is the only one I couldn't bear to see hurting.

As the thoughts continued to swirl in his mind, he didn't realize his eyes slowly closed. Within a short time, two steady breaths intertwined with each other in the quiet room.

Sleep came for him easily.