Ryan is Back

February was coming to an end so soon which mean l had spent almost three months doing my final research project.

Even today, I still wrestle in the research laboratory since the early morning. Even, I do praying and have lunch in rest room inside the laboratory; a sacred place for research students to take a break while waiting for a running sample, to save much time and make it more efficient.

I grabbed my lunch box with no taste buds, my mind was in turmoil, my soul was drifting away. Really, it becomes more complicated after this love interferes my peaceful life.

Frequently, the curiosity about his days passed over me. I haven't received a letter or an e-mail notification from him in the last three months.

I closed the lunchbox and turned off the furnace apparatus that had just made a sound, then left the laboratory earlier because I couldn't focus.

"Ara ...", called someone suddenly when I was in the parking lot.

I stopped and froze, the voice was really familiar. Suddenly, the rhythm of my heart turned irregularly. Really, I was so screwed up and started hallucinating.

I have quickly to settle an appointment with a psychiatrist since I had been distracted for several times; difficulty distinguishing virtual and reality.

I kept looking at him, this one is the worst distraction, his appearance didn't disappear in seconds, and he moves closer instead. No, no way, I'm going crazy.

I turned around and stopped this stupid illusion, but his appearance became even closer.

"Ara ...", that voice, I heard it once again and felt someone tug on my arm as I turned away from the hallucination.

"Ah, too much ...", I was frustrated and almost crying, then swept his hand away.

"Do you have to be that fierce ?", He said.

"Huh ...?", I gawked in surprise.

I shook my head, then closed my eyes, trying to deal with all my insanity and bring back all consciousness.

Suddenly, I felt the touch of someone's hand gently stroking my head. I was stunned and looked up, I really found someone who I'm really longing for. Without a barrier, tears flowed for no reason.

My mental condition is not okay. My feelings jumbled into a complex unity, bubbling out without a barrier.

I almost got closer and burst into his arms, but it didn't happen. A second later, I realized everything had changed.

I'm no longer a little girl who is freely touching him, I'm an adult woman who must keep boundaries for maintaining my honor as a moslem.

"Are you straightly going home?", He asked.

"Then?", I replied.

"I'm hungry", he continued.

"Wanna eat first before back home?", I asked.

Ryan nodded slowly with a smile, then grabbed the key from my hand, but I couldn't smile at all because I still felt like everything wasn't real. These similar-like Incidents have tricked and fooled me for several times and ensnared me in endless illusions.

***

We went to a café which lied close to my campus. A strange feeling was raging inside me on our way to the café. Isn't it normal, anyone who was in the same condition must have felt the same way.

He is still very familiar with road directions of Banda Aceh City because this was his second time visiting Aceh after immigrating. Eight months ago, he returned to Aceh for the first time and stayed for nine days.

At that time, I was doing volunteer activities in the remote village of Kalimantan Province for a month, so we didn't meet even though he stayed at my home for two days before leaving for Malaysia.

Since those days passed, illusions and hallucinations began to haunt and mess up my reality. I was upset that fate was playing tricks on me and not letting us see each other.

***