13 A Little of What You Fancy
He had plans. When he’d left the hospital he’d had grand plans for how he was going to welcome Jack home. There would be a hot bath, favorite foods, a turned down bed, warm massage oil, and he’d kneel before his angel and do things with his mouth that his red headed virgin would never forget. They had been grand plans.
By the time he climbed the stairs to their shared one room flat his energy had gone. Doubt had set in. He wasn’t worth Jack’s time. In four days of secretly stalking Jack at the hospital he’d learned so much about the man he wanted to be his lover.
He’d learned that Jack was selfless and kind, brave and diligent. The doctors he’d known from Alfred’s estate had been vain and very interested in pleasure. He’d also learned about Jack’s family and the shame he’d felt from wanting to murder Jack’s father clouded over his emotions now.
Being able to pick locks was very helpful when stalking someone. He’d let himself into the hospital administrator’s office and read Jack’s file. Jack Walker had gotten one grade that wasn’t an A in university. He’d gotten a C in a theology class, but that same professor had written him a recommendation letter citing Jack’s unshakeable compassion and belief in the goodness of all people. This was somehow incompatible with the theology taught at the university, but this professor urged the hospital to take him, without regard to any other ‘rumors’ they might hear.
The rumor in question was a letter from one Peter Walker, Jack’s father. In that letter the man said he had written to every teach hospital in the United States and Canada to warn them that his eldest son was a catamite and should be considered a danger to vulnerable people. Gael had read that letter five times and each time it laid a layer of darkness over his soul. He wasn’t going to be a criminal. He was going to be a lawyer and take care of his angelic boy, but he was also going to be a murderer. He would kill anyone that tried to harm Jack. That wasn’t crime. That was balance.
It was also paralyzing. Instead of drawing the bath and cooking for Jack, Gael sat in the big chair, knees drawn to his chest, arms around them. In the dark, he kept telling himself he was going to get up any moment. He was going to get ready for when Jack got home. He was going to make the world beautiful for his precious doctor.
Being a human being left him vulnerable to exhaustion and eight hour days at the law office and another six or seven skulking around the hospital spying and getting put to work as an orderly might have had an impact on his mood. It felt like he sat in that chair for a year, head resting on his knees, with a growing sense of his own lack of worth. How could he dare so much as look Jack in the eye when was the Whore of Babylon, the destroyer of worlds? He wasn’t human and he knew that on some deep level that he couldn’t explain. He didn’t deserve love or happiness. Time felt endless and he’d just do everyone a favor and stay right there in his little bubble of time.
He was so caught up in his own exhaustion and misery that he didn’t even hear the door open.
Jack lit the lantern and carried it closer so he could kneel in front of Gael. The light made a sphere around them in the night, as if they were the only intelligences anywhere in the universe. Jack tenderly took hold of Gael’s arm, reassuring, comforting. “Gael?”
“I’m not good enough for you.” His voice felt like he hadn’t spoken in months, dry, brittle words.
Jack’s tender touched brushed blond curls away from Gael’s face. “My goodness your hair grows faster than anyone I’ve ever known. You’re perfect for me, Gael. We were made for each other.”
“I,” Gael said. He looked straight forward, chin resting on his knees. “I don’t think so. What if I’m not even a human being? What if I’m a monster?”
“There’s no such thing as monsters. Whether we understand them or not, all life is created by God, and God does not create monsters.” Jack moved the lantern back a bit and tugged Gael into his arms, hugging him and rubbing his back. “You’ve worked way too hard over the last few days. You can’t work both at the law office and at the hospital, Gael. It’s too much.”
“But....” Gael let himself melt into the warmth of Jack’s embrace, the loving hand rubbing his back, the scent of soap, and the warmth of Jack’s presence. “I needed to know more about you.”
“Did you learn what you needed to learn?”
“Yes. I want to kill your father.”
“Well now, even he deserves forgiveness. Life and death do not belong to us. The hardness of some people’s hearts also does not belong to us. Would you like me to tell you what does belong to us?”
“Yes.” Gael ran a hand through his hair, not even thinking at all about how it had grown an inch in four days, but not his beard.
“We have each other. We are going to be confirmed bachelors together till the day the Lord calls us home and I can’t think of anything better than having a very clever, poetic, imposter orderly by my side for every day of my life.”
“You knew?”
“We’re very understaffed. I might still be a resident for a few more months, but I’m a very good doctor and I know everything that happens in my hospital.”
Sighing, Gael rested his head against Jack’s shoulder. “Are you angry with me?”
“Of course not. My life is an open book to you Gael. It would probably be best if you didn’t break into the administrator’s office again. They didn’t notice a thing, but just to be on the safe side.”
“I’ll do my best to never get caught.” Gael slipped his fingers in between Jack’s. Holding his hand made everything feel more real and the darkness of despair feel like a bad dream and nothing more. Of course he was human. What else could he be?
“I’m glad you’re home. Everything is just very new to me. This is a whole different life.”
“I saw you dancing in the hall. You’re a very good dancer.”
“I love dancing and music.”
“Yes, now I know you’re tired, but I thought we should have a dance before we consummate our relationship.”
Gael shivered, a brighter smile lighting up his face. “Can you dance?”
“Well, not like you do, but I can waltz and tango. Will you teach me to dance like you do? I am not sure my feet will ever move that quickly.”
“I’ll teach you!” On his hands and knees, Gael tilted his head and kissed Jack tenderly, almost shyly. Jack leaned into the kiss as well, fingers sliding into Gael’s curls. He took gentle hold, but controlled the kiss, which only made Gael moan into the kiss.
Jack pulled back, holding Gael’s hair so the kiss could not continue. “First let’s have some music, then I want you to tell me about all the places you like to be touched and all the things that make you feel best.”
Lips wet and parted, Gael nodded.
“Very well then, come on.” Jack got to his feet and pulled Gael up after him. Resting on the bench at the end of the bed was a box, which Jack quickly opened up. “I wasn’t sure what kind of music you’d like, so I got a selection. Want to pick the first record we’ll play on our phonograph?”
“Oh god,” Gael said, accepting the stack of records, “That’s so expensive! I know what money you make. You didn’t get a loan, did you?”
“No, not at all.” Jack pulled the thing from the box and set it on their small dining table which was the only space large enough for it. “My mother set up a trust for me. It’s not a lot of money, but there is more than enough for a phonograph. I need music to dance.”
“Here.” Gael handed back a record with a song by Marie Lloyd, ‘A Little of What you Fancy’. “Have you heard this song before?”
“No. Is it good?”
“I like it. Take your shoes off, so we can dance and not bother the downstairs.”
Jack gave the phonograph a good cranking and a woman’s voice sang about stout and her cheating husband. With just the single lantern giving light to the flat, Gael stepped into Jack’s arms, letting him take the lead and they waltzed.
When they stopped try a different record, Gael leaned his head on Jack’s shoulder. “You’re sure you fancy me?”
“Absolutely. And you me?”
“One more song then I’m going to take you to bed and show you just what that means.”
“Which one is the shortest song, do you think?”
