Chapter 4: Sad Donkey

"What's up, nerds?" Jasper Creed slid his tray into an empty space between Zell and Jacinth's trays at the lunch table. Zell gave Jasper a sideways glance, but scooted their drink out of the way.

"And who might we have the pleasure of dining with?" Zell asked.

"My sister's ex-boyfriend," Lilith said.

Jasper shot Zell a simultaneous wink and finger-gun hand motion.

Zell paused, as if waiting for something more. But, then they turned back to their lunch, disinterested.

Jasper slid into a seat.

"You already know Jacinth, but Zell here is my roommate," Lilith said.

"You two going to tear up this campus with your crazy antics?" Jasper asked.

"No way. Didn't you know that staying inside is the new going outside? We're going to do our homework and then cry all night, because we're nerds. But we're going to do it in the air conditioning, so it's better than crying in the library," Lilith replied.

"That actually sounds pretty sweet. Can I come? Is it a Bring Your Own Pillow Event?" Jasper asked.

"You shall be permitted into our Premiere Crying Establishment, but your membership is on a probationary basis, and I have dibs on laying dramatically on the window sill when it's dark and or rainy," Zell butt in.

"Why do you get dibs--" Lilith began.

"You four first years wouldn't happen to know why there is a mundane tractor on campus, would you?" An upperclassman stared down everyone at the table, doing her best to loom over the four first years at the table.

Jacinth seemed to shrink back.

Jasper paused, not unused to being accused of trouble-making. But, he couldn't remember doing anything with farm equipment recently.

Zell looked like they couldn't care less.

Lilith looked taken aback and said, "There's a tractor on campus?"

The upperclassman narrowed her eyes, peering at each of the other four students in an attempt to judge guilt or a lack thereof. Then she pulled back and walked to another table to continue her investigation.

"Who was that?" Jacinth whispered to the group.

"No clue," Lilith answered.

"She's wearing some Du Bois stuff, so that's her house," Jasper said.

Zell narrowed their eyes after the Du Bois upperclassman, then began eating in silence.

"Well, I did bump into your Uncle Radcliffe, Lilith. Turns out you weren't lying about that club. Me, and the rest of the Spurned by Quorinth Radcliffe-Forsythe Club, meet in Justice Hall on Tuesday nights," Jasper said.

"Why would I make that up? It would be more work to make that up," Lilith said.

"I'm not sure if I'm surprised that Quorinth actually has her own student group. Even if it's a little removed from her," Jacinth seemed impressed, and whispered half to herself.

Lunch ended, and everyone filed out of the cafeteria and headed towards their respective afternoon classes.

The artificery lab smelled like something was burning. None of the students who piled into the workbench seats had any house colors on, so it appeared that the first year students were separated from the others. Lilith pulled into a seat around the middle of the workbench cluster. Most of the other students who filed in tried their best to sit at an empty table rather than brave sitting next to someone they didn't know. In the end, there were enough workbenches to allow each student to shy away from the others.

When the professor strode into the room, he peered about each student and made a short series of clicks with his tongue.

"I understand that the standards of dress at New World are somewhat relaxed compared to Imperial. But, I expect that all of you will refrain from such slovenly appearances from now on. This is unacceptable," the professor said.

Several of the students exchanged glances. Was this serious? New World Magischola didn't exactly have a dress code other than the robe and some designation of house membership. Right?

At the professor's request, everyone pulled out textbooks. Then, he began reading from the book.

Lilith shifted her eyes back and forth across the classroom.

This was the same textbook that Lilith's Primaschola, P2A4, had used in the last two years, "Artificery Fundimentals" by Hawthorn and Yang. And judging by the confused glances being shared between students, Lilith wasn't the only person who felt like something wasn't quite right. This wasn't exactly what all of the Primaschola instructors had lead Lilith to believe would be the norm in Magischola. All of the morning classes she had had were also closer to lecture and discussion as opposed to just reading from a textbook.

Well, if this professor was going to take the easy way out on the teaching front, Lilith could work on a personal project. She flipped to a blank page in her Artificery notebook and started making notes.

Lilith didn't have a clue how a tractor worked. She had a vague idea that tractors were a kind of agricultural machine, and they could be used for turning over and tilling soil. Come to think of it, who did bring a tractor onto campus? And for what purpose? Lilith couldn't think of anything she would actually use a tractor for. She wasn't particularly good at raising plants or anything else vaguely agriculture-related. And there wasn't really much spare space on campus to hide something like that, at least not that she had seen. So, where was this thing, even?

At this point, Lilith was more interested in finding out more information about this tractor situation to find out the motivation behind it.

A hand slammed onto Lilith's notebook. Lilith flinched, and looked up.

"Miss Radcliffe-Forsythe, I had hoped you would prove to be a better example to the other students," The professor tutted, pulling back from Lilith's table.

"Apparently you don't need to pay attention in class. You must already know the five fundamental components of Artifact quality. Would you like to educate the rest of the class?" He asked.

Lilith recited them.

The professor examined his fingernails, and didn't seem to care.

"Regardless, you were not paying attention to the lesson. I had expected better from someone from an unsoiled line. You will have detention for this unbefitting conduct. Professor Armstrong will be waiting in the dormitory commons after dinner," the professor said.

Then, the professor walked back up to the front of class and continued reading from the textbook.

Lilith supposed this was for real. She made a quick note for her detention that day in her planner, and made a mental note that the first year artificer professor was a total asshole.

A few of the other students sent Lilith sympathetic looks. But, no one else wanted to risk getting detention on the first day. Just as well, Lilith wasn't sure she wanted to bother making a huge fuss in the class. Some professors apparently thought they were still teaching at Imperial. And Lilith all too familiar with the type of person she was dealing with now.

In the end, it was all about appearances, wasn't it? Too bad New World hadn't ended up any different than Imperial.

Lilith showed up to the dorm commons shortly after dinner. The commons area consisted of a sunken stone pit filled with benches. Several wings of student dorms split off from that central area.

When Lilith arrived, there was a knot of about a dozen other students milling around. She didn't recognize most of them, but did see at least one familiar face.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Radcliffe-Forsythe. I didn't expect to see you on the first day of detention," Jasper Creed walked over and leaned against the wall next to Lilith.

"What are you in for?" Jasper asked.

"I was a poor example for the students of soiled heritage in my Artificery class," Lilith said.

"Fuckin' nice. I can't actually imagine you getting detention," Jasper shook his head. Then he took a good look at Lilith's face and paused.

"That's not—wow. That's. You're really not making that up are you? That's some serious bullshit," Jasper said, running a hand through his hair.

Jasper coughed into the back of one hand.

"What about you, Jasper? I hope your reason is better," Lilith joked.

Jasper barked out a short laugh, and did his best to strike a cool pose against the wall.

"I'll have you know yours truly got into an unsanctioned duel and ended it in a fist fight--," Jasper bragged. "--My class was dumb so I left and crashed magical defense and combat with the upperclassmen."

A small smile ghosted at the corners of Lilith's lips. Just for a moment.

"That's a better reason to be in detention. That's a real reason," She laughed.

"Yeah, if I didn't get first day detention my bad-boy image would be ruined. The day was about over, and I still didn't have detention. So I had to do something drastic. So I volunteered to duel some unsoiled upperclassman during the demo and hit him in the head," Jasper grinned.

"Wow what a cool person. I'm so glad I have someone around like you, Jasper," Lilith rolled her eyes and laughed, and so did Jasper. If there was one thing they had in common, it was self-defacing humor.

Jacinth wandered up to Jasper and Lilith at that moment, and she appeared to be blinking back tears.

"Aw, Jacinth, what happened?" Lilith asked.

"I got detention. On the first day of class," Jacinth spat.

"Well, that makes three of us," Lilith replied.

Jacinth looked up, eyes flashing back and forth between Jasper and Lilith. Jacinth would have put money on Jasper getting detention. He'd want to get detention. But, Lilith?

"The professor was reading out loud from the book we've used at least two years at P2A4, so I stopped paying attention. Then he said I was a bad unsoiled kid for not being a good example to the others," Lilith said, patting Jacinth on the shoulder.

"That's a stupid reason. You shouldn't be here," Jacinth whispered.

"Well, at least we're stuck here together," Lilith said, "It'll be fine."

Jacinth made a weak attempt at nodding in agreement. Her parents were going to be furious.

"Greetings, peers," Zell rolled into view, finishing off a soft-serve ice cream from the cafeteria.

"Oh man, you too?" Jasper laughed.

"Affirmative. Me, in addition," Zell said.

"Looks like the gang is all here. It's not going to be so bad," Jasper said.

Jacinth looked like she might cry all over again. Somehow, she had ended up friends with a group of people who all ended up in detention on the very first day of school. At the very least, Lilith didn't have a good reason to be there.

The conversation continued for a few minutes, until Professor Armstrong made his appearance.

Professor Armstrong was a bear of a man—tall, broad, and hairy. He was also wearing a pajama onesie with a blue-grey color, donkey ears, and a pink bow on the tail. He had to pull the legs up to his knees and the arms up to his elbows to accommodate for his size. He eased two giant bags off of his shoulders. Over the top, it was easy to see that they contained a massive number of matching footie pajamas.

"Alright, detention-goers. The alchemy lab is already a mess, so we'll be cleaning that this evening. Go into the bathroom and put on your new detention uniforms," Armstrong said.

Lilith gasped, and clapped her hands twice with glee.

"He's Sad Donkey! I don't remember the name, but my cousin Cleon said I'm like Sad Donkey!" Lilith grinned.

"His name is 'Eeyore,' Lilith," Jasper corrected.

"Oh my god. Sad Donkey has a name!" Lilith whispered.

"God damnit. Just go change already," Professor Armstrong said.

After the detention students all changed into the new detention uniforms, Professor Armstrong lead the way to the alchemy lab.

The alchemy lab smelled like feet and grass. Something bright orange and slimy dripped from an ominous stain on the ceiling. A small pile of large brooms and mops and buckets were ready by the door. There was a small selection of cleaning supplies next to it. At least someone had gathered everything up beforehand. Or, maybe Professor Armstrong was just going easy because it was the first day.

The Professor gave out instructions and cleaning supplies before wandering over to a corner of the room and sitting down. Within minutes, Zell wandered over to the professor.

"Professor, can we keep these?" they asked, playing with the floppy ears on the hood of their detention uniform.

Armstrong paused, not quite sure what to say.

"No. These are the detention uniforms." Professor Armstrong looked confused.

"Wait. Why are you in detention? What's your name?" he asked.

"Oh, I have not officially received detention. But, I saw the uniforms and I committed to the experience," Zell said, expression serious.

Armstrong slapped both his hands against his face and pulled them down. God damn weird kids. The Eeyore onesies were supposed to be a punishment.

"Hey, Zell! What's the word? Can we keep these or what?" Jasper yelled from his position atop a work table.

"Oh for the love of—" Armstrong muttered.

"Listen, how many stamps do I need on my detention card before I can keep one? I'll go as many times as I need to if I can redeem this as a reward!" Jasper yelled.

"Indeed. This is a worthy prize for detention. Is it possible to receive negative detentions to save and spend for various prizes if we have not been assigned detention? May we bank these negative detention points for future misbehavior?" Zell's eyes sparkled.

"I'm into this detention point system. Almost much as I'm into these Sad Donkey Pajamas," Lilith chirped, handing Jasper a spray bottle of cleaner fluid.

Professor Armstrong shot a laugh through his nose and then began coughing.

"God damn it, you goddamn kids. I better not see any of you back here trying to get your hands on these uniforms," he said, but a smile was pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Zell remained standing in front of Professor Armstrong for a few moments, thinking. Then he returned to where Jacinth was scrubbing an orange stain on the floor, trying not to cry.

What if they just walked out of detention and happened to not return the Eeyore Onesie? What was Armstrong going to do, give them detention? If Zell thought about it, their mother wouldn't even bat an eye at this. 'Dear Mrs. Masyga, your child snuck into detention in order to abscond with an Eeyore onesie pajama set they saw all the students with detention wearing. We considered giving your offspring further detention after they made off with the pajamas, but we thought it would only give them satisfaction in that they would get to wear the onesie again. Really, there was no way for New World to finagle a victory out of this one. But a victory for Zell Masyga was all but guaranteed.

By the time detention was over, the majority of the alchemy lab stains were cleaned away. Armstrong did a quick headcount to make sure the number of students matched the number of uniforms. Although, he was disappointed that his intended punishment didn't quite work for its intended purpose. Everything seemed to be in order.

Jacinth, Lilith, and Jasper began walking back to the dormitories. Then, Jacinth peered around, confused.

"Has anyone seen Zell?" she asked.