23 Irreplaceable her

Michael Forrester

For one and a half hours straight, he stayed holed up in the bathroom. He’s feeling better now. After washing all the grubby filth off from his body. With the soot in his hair, he scratches it off with his unmatched soiled nails. The sharp sticking-out nail hurt his scalp. But he endured the pain, just to scrub all the dirt out. After washing, he carefully wraps his dirty clothes in the trash. Cautious not to get the bathroom get dirtier with his filth.

When he comes out of the shower, he took a glimpse of himself. The perfect image of him from before changed. The traces still there, but it’s not the same. His proud chiseled jaw got ruined by his hollowed cheeks. His sparkling gray eyes were wrecked by his dark eyebags. It’s kinda deep and makes him look like a drug addict. He sighed.

Wearing the pajamas, he swings the sleeper shirt on his shoulders. Despite the hunger days, with no food but only water from rivers and faucets to consume, his upper torso looks muscular than before. He lost weight, yes, but his muscles are getting toner. No more body fat.

Being homeless even has its own merit huh, he thought. Draping the face towel to his hair, he got out of the bathroom. The whiff of freshly fried salmon and cooked pasta filled his nose. His stomach has never been any hungrier.

Increasing his pace, he let his nose led him to where the smell came from. Swerving to the right of what seems like the kitchen, he found her. In an apron, scooping the freshly cooked meats and fish of different varieties into the plate. They looked so amazing… and delicious.

He licked on his lips. He wants to seat on the stool at the counter. Yet he hesitated. This is not his home. This is hers. Just because she picks him up doesn’t mean he should exploit her kindness.

Her back is facing him. The pink flower-patterned apron fit her well. He is sure, she will be the perfect housewife every man longs for. When coming home from work, she’ll stand in the doorway. Greet him ‘welcome home’. She will kiss his cheek. Take his briefcase. Tell him to get changed and have a shower. The food is already prepared. She will wait for him.

And when he’s done, they will seat together at a table. Pray together, give thanks for the food. And they will eat happily. He’ll talk about things to her from work. How frustrating it was, how disappointing, how much pressure he had to endure. But her coaxing words and her smiles can melt all the frustrations and discouragements he feels.

A smile slowly crept on his lips. He’s so engrossed in his fantasies he didn’t notice the girl came up to him. She waved her hand in front of his eyes to get his attention.

“Hey, you okay?” He blinks absentmindedly. But when he realized she’s there, he took a step back.

“I’m sorry. Di-did you say something?” he stuttered. He’s completely taken aback. Especially when she smiled. Her eyes crinkled, her lips take a pleasant curl, and her aura glows. A genuine smile. A pure smile. How long has it been since someone smiled at him like that?

His breath caught on his throat.

“ I bet you’re hungry. That must be why you’re out of it. Here, let’s eat." she gently removed her flowered pink apron and sat opposite him on the counter.

“ Sorry, it’s a bit difficult to move all these plates to the table. I prefer to eat at the counter, it’s easier to wash the dishes. Don’t you think? " she asked, but he just stared at her, preoccupied.

Not because he was thinking of something else, but because of her soft melodic voice. It reverberates gently, like a delicate flower, it floats to his ears and strummed his eardrums in a smooth pleasing way.

He liked it. Her voice. This is the first time he liked someone else voice. She was just there, talking, smiling, but the sight of her ease him up.

The overwhelming feeling that drown his soul for months, she stirred it out of him. Like a stream of water, purified for consumption. He can feel his soul purified just being by her side.

“ Does it taste awful? “ she asked with a frown. He blinks away his distraction and shook his head.

“ No. No. It’s - it’s wonderful. The best I’ve had for years. I just - just don’t know what to say. “ He averts his eyes and swallowed down his tears.

He can’t take the ache anymore. It doesn’t hurt as much as this before. Now it’s domineering all his senses. The pain in his chest is demanding attention. Even taking control of his breathing, contracting his lungs, and closing his windpipe to prevent him from breathing properly.

“ Hey, it’s gonna be okay." she reaches out to touch his hand. When she felt it's not enough, she briskly gets out of her seat and ran to his side.

She put his arms around him. Letting his head lean against her warm chest. Just the touch of her skin, the feeling of another body close to him, the sensation of her hand, gently running down on his back, and the tender patting on his head… It broke down the forced wall he put upon his heart.

The protective wall he surrounds himself with is slowly crumbling against her affectionate touch. With no wall to shield his pain with, he broke down for release. His disappointments, his fears, his loneliness, his desire for company, he releases it all in her arms.

For two hours, he never stops crying. And she never gets tired of comforting him. Whispering words of “It’s okay. Just cry. I’m here.” It slowly caves deeper into his heart. Invading, residing, and settling deep within him.

He realized, at that moment, she became valuable to him. An irreplaceable person he can no longer live without. For months, no other person told him those words. The words he long to hear, the words he knows once uttered, will stay in his heart forever. And also, the person who said it too.