1 Goodbye
I was hiding after the big and black door out of breath. I was shaking and praying that everything would end very quickly. I didn’t want to think even for a second about the possibility that things will be over right now, right here. He is going to catch me, I know he will. I couldn’t run away forever from the shadow of this tall man with broad shoulders who was always following me. Sometimes I will have to face him, I will have to fight to survive.
”What are you doing here, you bitch? Did you think that I wouldn’t find you?”
My heart pounding, I took a deep breath, preparing to tell him he was a bastard when suddenly I heard the alarm and I woke up sweaty and scared.
”Sofia, are you coming down for breakfast?” I was hearing my mom s voice
”Now!” I shouted, trying to recover from last night's nightmare.
I wake up and run to a quick shower, looking for something to wear. I finally chose a pair of tight black jeans, with a high waist and a white shirt, a little transparent and low-cut. I decided to wear a series of gold accessories and a pair of black heeled sandals. I needed all the help for an extra drop of confidence. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was excited, but at the same time, scared. A beginning awaited me, and my dream of becoming a little writer in a huge city was getting closer to becoming a reality. It was time to be who I want to be, to become a whole new person in a city where no one knew who I was. The chance for a new life. So, I chose to wear bright red lipstick, to accentuate my vibe as a strong woman.
”It's like you said you've been coming for breakfast ... for half an hour”. says my mother with an ironic tone.
”Well, I have come, haven’t I?”
”Yes, after the ricotta pancakes have cooled, your favorites.”
”Thank you mom but I'll choose to skip breakfast today. I'm too excited to eat.”
”Sofia! Don't you dare to leave the house without eating breakfast. No excuses. Sit at the table!”
I know that when my mother puts something in her head, it's downright impossible to make her change her mind. That's how I ended up dressed up, made up, and impatient at the table, just like a child who is punished to eat everything from the plate.
”I have finished eating. Can I leave now?”
”Yes, my dear, but not before you remake your lipstick, you look like a clown”. mother and her eternally present ironies.
I called an uber who would take me to the airport, and from there I will take the flight to New York, the city that would become my new home.
With my luggage at the door and my mother crying and wondering a hundred times if I had forgotten my hair straightener, my favorite red dress, or my favorite book "Wedding in Heaven" by Mircea Eliade. I could read it indefinitely without getting bored. It is a masterpiece of Romanian literature.
”Why are you looking at the phone so much Sofia?”
”I'm watching to see if my Uber has arrived.”
”I do not think it will arrive too soon. ”
”What? Mom, what are you talking about? I am gonna miss the flight.”
”You will not miss anything. Antonio insisted to drive you to the airport and I said to him it is ok. Don’t be mad, please. It would be best if you two can say goodbye like two old friends. ”
”I don’t understand why are you doing this. We already said goodbye once. It was unnecessary to insist when he knows what he did. And you have known too that I don't want to see him, at least not soon.”
”Sophia, you have to learn to live without grudge. It leads you to nowhere.”
”It is not grudging what I’m feeling, I’m hurt and disappointed. The last thing I wanted was to leave the city being angry on him.”
”Who knows, maybe you will be surprised. Give him a chance.”
”It is not like I would have any other choice. He is in the front of the house already. So you know, I am still leaving mad at you because of what you have done.”
”I am sorry, but I think that the best for you would be to leave this continent and this country without any trace of hatred. You have to leave peacefully so you can give yourself a new chance. Keep your soul open. You have to call me when you get there and to tell me everything that happens to you.”
”Of course mom, thank you. I will Facetime when I land in New York.”
I take my luggage and I am going to the black car that was waiting in front of my house. Antonio was waiting for me with his hands in his pockets and his head down. I knew that even if he insisted to give me a drive to the airport, he has no courage to look me in the eyes.
”Hi Sophia! Good to see you.”
”I would like to say the same but both of us know that I would be lying. Can’t we go, please? I don’t want to be late at the airport.”
”What a cold attitude!”
”Sorry, have I hurt your feelings?”
”Sophia, please. I didn’t come to drive you to the airport so we can fight. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
”If you want to receive a good review as a Uber driver, I would strongly recommend you to shut up. The best drivers are the ones which can get you to the destination without talking to you.”
Although I knew that my words were mean, I couldn’t help it. He hurt me so bad that I didn’t want to let my guard down. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him or to remain friends. I just wanted to arrive at the airport, to see myself on the airplane, and to realize that I am getting away from all the things that have been hurting me, from the place where I stopped feeling like home since my ex disappointed me and my mom took his side. I’ve started to feel like a stranger in my own house.
I was constantly watching the window, the road seems to be endlessly and the look of Antonio was watching me. I wanted somehow to comfort him, to say something that would make things better but I just couldn’t.
All the way we were silent and the silence was not comforting at all, as it used to be before. Between us, the silence was never a problem, but this time I felt it was suffocating me. I needed to get out of the car as fast as I could, to take a breath of fresh air. But we were close to the airport so I kept looking out of the window, silent, watching me walk away from everything I loved so much: I wouldn't make the same trip to the library, I wouldn't drink my favorite coffee with coconut flavor, I will no longer look at the bustling Iulius Mall before Christmas. I was starting a new life and leaving everything I once loved behind. My beloved Cluj.
Arriving at the airport, I get out of the car, take my luggage left in the back seat, and Antonio takes my suitcase out of the trunk.
”Sofia ... at least listen to me, please.”
”No, Antonio. I loved you, I listened to you, I understood you, I trusted you every time you made fun of me, but this time I don’t want to play this game anymore. Now, please, forget about me. Thank you for bringing me to the airport, but our story cannot have another end.”
”You know that I did not want to disappoint you."You were the most wonderful person in my life. I was just drunk ...”
”I'm sick of apologies. Drunk or not, you did it.”
”Sofia...”
”Goodbye, Antonio!”
I was on my way to check-in, I was in a hurry to get to the waiting room as soon as possible, to put my headphones on and everything to seem like a bad dream. Suddenly I have heard that the embarkation for New York begins, with a stopover in Tel Aviv. I boarded the plane, and my eyes filled with tears. I would miss my mother's delicious pancakes, the nights we watched Netflix together, my childhood friend Tatiana, my dear grandparents. I sat down in my chair and watched the plane slowly move away from the ground. A single thought crossed my mind: "New York, here I come."
