12 Chapter 12: Pent-up Emotions

"Be a part of the Smith family, Ava... officially."

"Why? Did they ran out of family members to add one more?" They are so stubborn! Have they never met someone who said no to them before? Based on Shyn's posture and the way he crossed his legs, he just wants the job done fast. I want to get rid of him fast too, but hey, I do not want whatever they are offering.

My goal is to get into his nerves; I sat down, leaned back on my chair, crossed my arms, and looked at him with a bit of smile on my face hinting that there is nothing that he could do to make me say yes... but his eyes changed.

Shyn's lips curved up like a psycho stepping up his game. Yeah, he must be really good at his job to piss me off instead!

My ears are ringing like crazy, I shake my head and wet my dry lips. I laughed at myself for not recognizing that he is more than, more than my first impression of him. He was introduced to me as a bodyguard after all, he must be capable enough.

"Young miss, it seems like you do not understand. I am not here to ask you to do this. I am here to MAKE YOU do this." He sighed and smiled impatiently, "It is not like it is that hard, you know." He tapped the table, pressed his lips and glanced at his side whispering, "You can still do whatever you want, make them your ATM card or something... Fill the spot your mother left?"

0

I heard that!

"No, it seems like you and your boss are the ones who do not understand. It is a simple no, it means rejection. No, okay?" I stormed out of that room. Who do they think they are?! Before my hand- no, before my fist reach his face, and my patience run out, I will rather walk out! Oh my god! What a load of crap!

What did he just say?! Fill in the empty spot my mom left? "I really want to kill him!" Matilda's kitchen have countless knives, she is not going to find out if one of them will go missing, right?

"I told you, dead bodies are bad for my business." Matilda, whom is behind me, knocked me back to reality... Just- crap! "What did he say?" She asked while blowing the smoke of her cigarette from her mouth.

He said unpretty things, of course. A replacement of my mom, huh? And, ugh, it smells awful, "Will you stop smoking? It is also bad for your business. I am leaving, fire me if you want..." I grabbed my stuff and sprinted out, I can just go back here! Matilda will not let me go, she should have done that after I broke a lot of her tableware.

Ugh! So annoying! How did he even find this place?!

My hand felt a warm touch that gripped my hand, a strong force pulled my arm, my feet stopped, and my face is so close with his... "We are not done yet, where do you think you are going, Ava?"

It feels like everything is in slow motion... There he is again with his smiling face. His warm breath reaches my cheek that it tingles, but, "What do you think you are doing? Are we filming a disgusting romantic movie?"

"Look, I really need you to come with me! I might lose my job."

"Not my problem."

"How can you be so heartless?!" Now, his smile is gone, huh? And how dare he?!

"Wow, those words.... Really? What right do you have to say that to me after saying that I can just be my mother's replacement? Does my grandfather also wants me to be in my mother's grave instead of her?" What a load of crap...

"Come on! Do not be so morbid!"

I felt daggers! I felt daggers slowly, and painfully piercing my heart. After all the things I have been through, I should not feel so emotional about something like this! I should not be angry because I always talk like this! But my blood boils, and the heat I feel is strong that it clouds everything I'm thinking... everything I am feeling. It all seems a blur...

... but why?! Why does it feel like he pushes all the right buttons, he say all the right words to make me feel enraged?! I stared at him with all the hatred shooting from my eyes. His every word...

Shyn's hands let go of his grasp from my shoulders, his arm's dropped, his head bowed down, and silence kept the peace between us..., not until he broke it again, through his chuckles that shattered my patience meter. But then, the seriousness in his eyes made me paralyzed, the unblinking eyelids of his, made me conscious that makes my lips want to mouth every word he wants to hear. My rage was replaced with shock..., with weak trembles running through my arms.

What kind of enchantment am I in? The way he looked at me. Why does it feel like I am being treated like I need to be taken care of? I do not need that! I do not want his pity, and definitely not a whole new family!

"Tell me, Ava, why do you look like you are in so much pain?" His eyes did not break contact with mine, the eagerness of how his eyes wanted to show the care that I am most afraid of... makes me want to take huge steps away from everything and run. It makes me scared of feeling whatever that is.

"I am not!" I gritted my teeth in denial.

"Then stop acting like one!" He yelled at me... "You still have a family!"

I took a deep breathe, and did my best to grit my teeth harder to stay shut. I can barely move my feet, but I tried to move! I turned around, slowly keeping my composure... I tried not to stumble on the dirty, wet, cement, ground. I tried my best to walk away, even how little that distance may be.

"Whatever you are thinking may be wrong!" Shyn shouted!

Why can't he just shut up?! I should not turn around! I should keep ignoring him! That is for the best!

"If your mom told you bad things about Mr. Smith, it is not the whole story! Your grandfather is not a bad man! Listen to m-"

"SHUT UP! Just- just, just, just shut up!" I know I should not have turned around... I shouldn't have said something... but I did! Then I found myself marching towards him ready to slap him hard on his cheek! "If you want to- no, no, If Mr. Smith want me to join his family, tell him that I do not want to! Never! And, how dare you say crap about anything! My mom told me nothing about him, and that means I do not have anything, ANYTHING to do with him, and most especially with you! So, stop following me around! You asked me why I am in pain? Let me tell you a story, my parents died!"

For a long time, I forgot how it felt to have little needles pricking, tickling my checks whenever I feel my tears running down on them, how my nose would clogged when I cry... I forgot about them, and he made me remember how it feels to cry again. And, I hate it!

"Everyone dies, Ava! Your parents died, that is why Mr. Smith is doing everything he can for you! You can have everything you want! You can have the family you lost by having them!"

"You are right! Just pick up a, a, a girl somewhere, you know, to be your family!"

"You know that, that is not what I meant." Shyn said...

"No," I nod my head, pressed my lips before I utter words again. "You are totally right. Everyone dies, I should move on... and, and replace them." It is so strange that it became so quiet... every sound, loud ones, faint ones, it just didn't matter anymore.

My eyes are glued on him, and he just stared back at me. I felt my shoulder's and chest's weird movements whenever a tear comes out my eyes... Those tears won't stop from flowing! Just how...

I bit my lower lip, and sadly smiled. "But Shyn, not everyone who died... die before their child's eyes." My voice started breaking... and every word felt like they've been trapped inside me for so long... "Not everyone who died was shot in the head while their helpless daughter is watching, hiding inside a closet just to stay alive... Now tell me, tell me where is that damn family when that happened? Or okay, okay, after! Where is that family after that happened? I must really be that special since he is not the one convincing me himself." God, I don't want his pity nor anyone else's! "Now, stay away from me! Stay away from my life! All of you!"