5 Why I Was Saved?

The darkness came so suddenly and swallowed me entirely. It felt like floating on nothingness, in an unknown dimension with no upper or bottom limit. Formless and shapeless. I didn't know who I am, maybe I was only part of this nebula's dust that floating on space with no purpose. Or maybe I am not even dust, not even anyone or anything.

I had no idea how long time passed as I was floating there in nothingness, until a familiar sensation brought my sense back. It felt like I was laying on something soft, like carpet of mosses on forest's floor back at Minnesota. There was calming smell came from under my head. I could smell morning dew that hide under leaves. Then, slowly, I was starting to recalling about myself, put together pieces of shattered memories.

That was it. Now I remember, I was just an ordinary girl from county side who love to read book and rode a horse into the woods.

Then another smell came to my sense. Something that did not belong to forest. Some sweet scent like honey, but much gentle like vanilla. I thought I've smelt this before, somewhere. It was hard to recall my memories for some reason. And before I tried harder, I felt something touch my neck, gently.

I gasped, eyes wide open. A guy with topaz blue eyes stared back at me. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my cheek. He seemed just as surprised as me, hurriedly took a step back and stood beside the bed where I was laying.

I scanned my surrounding, and I found that I was in a large room which was dominated by white and light grey colours. A long white curtain covering a wide window on one side of the walls. I squinted, felt the sunlight was shining too bright. I had no idea about this place, nor the topaz blue eyed guy over there. No, wait a moment. Actually, the sunlight felt so strange too.

I was began wondering if this was an afterlife or something like that, when consciousness brought my full sense back so I began feel the pain radiating in my whole body. As I watched it closer, I found that my body was trembling uncontrollably.

"Am I still … alive?"

The topaz blue eyes stared at me for a second. "Yes," he said plainly, emotionless. Then the guy walked out the room without saying anything.

My voice cracked. I wonder how long I had been unconscious. Wait! As my mind started working again, one by one the memory pieces came back to life. Like thousand rays of light that mercilessly shone upon me. I threw the blanket that covering till my chest. Send my hand to my belly, I found bandages wrap around it. A damn clear prove that my memory was telling the truth.

The guy from before came back. Karen was walking behind him. I pull the blanket and covered myself again. As soon as she saw me, Karen ran to hug me. Her tears were flowing like flood. Her face was still as pale as the last time I saw it. But her eyes were not empty like before.

"Thank God, you finally awake."

I patted Karen's back as I tried to calm her down. I was glad to see her doing well. It took some time until her tear stopped. And it took more time for my mind to put back every pieces and started processing like normal. Then a question arose inside my head, how did we—me—survive? But before that, there was something I need to make sure.

"You, are you alright?" I asked while checked on her one more time. Her lips were still bluish and the tear looked like ready to flood again, turning her beautiful eyes red. But, other than that, she looked fine.

Karen nodded as she wiped the tears on her cheeks. Gave her best to form a weak smile. The tears flew again, as if knew what I was going to ask next.

"What about Mom?"

My guess was right. Karen burst in cry. And I didn't need to hear the answer anymore. I cursed myself for asking such a foolish question. Didn't I left her to escape by myself? And so did Dad. I left them to save my own damn life.

The realisation made my chest felt stuffed. "It's my fault …"

Karen held my hand, gently squeeze it. "No, it's not."

No. it was my fault. Everything was my fault. I knew it. But I choose to stay mum since Karen wouldn't understand.

"Who is he?" I just remembered there was other person in the room.

"Ah, he's Zero," said Karen as she wiped her wet cheek. "He saved us."

Ah … did he? I sent a glance to the topaz blue eyed guy that stood still with expressionless mask. Perhaps it was supposed to be time to say thank you, or something. But my mind went somewhere else. Completely ignored about thanking our savior. Besides, I wasn't sure that I really thank him. And more importantly, I needed to confirm this one question:

"What will happen to me?"

I was wondering myself as to whom I ask. And whether I was asking because I really want to hear an answer or just letting out a voice that echoed inside my head.

Karen stood still. Her little reddish lips closed tightly and her eyes averted. But before I was able to demand her for an answer, an answer came from that strange man, Zero.

"You will be a vampire."

His voice was deep and silence like a whispering wind. It was as if the voice came form a faraway place. But it was more than enough to break a pseudo calmness inside me. And it would never be returned once it broke. It was like a curse that planted in my blood.

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. No, maybe it would be better for me to not asking. I grabbed the hair on top of my head and pull it with my fingers. Felt like my head was going to explode. This is insane! Beyond than just insane! Then before I knew it a crazy laugh came out from my mouth.

I felt Karen hands holding my upper arms, saying something. Something that I could not hear. Or perhaps I heard it but her voice was not able to get through the chaos in me. Seriously, I couldn't hear a word.

It took some time for me to come back to my senses. Stopped the crazed laugh, then asked those two people to leave me alone for a while. Yeah, I wanted to be alone. I felt like I want to back to sleep. Sleep sounded great. No … actually the eternal darkness where I was trapped some moments ago might be a better choice. I was starting to wonder how to find a way back there. To sleep without ever wake up again.

Unfortunately, no matter how long I spend my time in a deep sleep and no matter how much I wish to not waking up, I always came back to reality. Consciousness greeted me with painful memories. Every few hours once, Karen came in to the room where I lied down all day long. She brought some food and water, and clothes to change. Not that I ever touched them.

I could see some sad clouds in her eyes. Too bad, it was too late for me to care. I couldn't even bear my own sorrow.

When night came, Zero would come in to the room. Then he would sit on a chair at corner. I wasn't sure what he did there. And I couldn't care less about him. My sense of time collapsed as I spent days acted like statue that unable speak. While Zero was just sitting right there, his fingers looks busy with some electronic boxes. I guess those are computers, although seemed different from the ones I saw in Dad's office.

There was never any word spoken between us. As if he and I were both forget how to speak. Until one evening, suddenly he spoke.

"Do become a vampire hurt a lot for you?"

I moved my lips slightly. It felt stiff. Zero's question left me a bit speechless since I didn't even know the answer. My mind echoed with chaotic questions.

'Is it hurt? Am I in pain now? Wait, where do this piercing feeling come from? From the night when mom and dad was killed? From when I flee and left them to save my own damn life? Or was it from when the vampire caught us in cave? Or when kiss of death sank me into a nameless dimension? Or it is actually come from after the death embrace was lifted away from me? When I was forced to open my eyes and being showered in the rain of sorrowful memories?'

I couldn't find the answer.

But there was only one thing I know for sure: I should've died that night.

"Why did you save me?"