6 I said I'm not afraid.

Tender wind blew across backyard and through my hair strands. As if it was trying to greet me when I spent my afternoon reading book on the terrace. Our home's front terrace was my second most favorite place. It was wide along the house's length, with wooden floor and waist high fence on its side. Dad made it himself. Just like grandpa, dad prefer wood for floor and furniture. I didn't know much about wood, what I knew for well was that the floor felt cold and comfy. Almost like forest's floor.

When dusk came closer, I would run to Mathew who was busy grazing on the corner of backyard. Mathew was an American quarter, one of pure American breed, known as best in short distance run. His body was sturdy, about sixty-seven inches height, all covered in black jet fur. He was my faithful companion to herd our sheep back to their fold. Above the grassy hill where the sheep were grazing all day, there was our favorite forest where we'd go to explore once in a while.

Our home at Aitkin was a two floored farming style house. Painted in light lavender purple that was mom's favorite color. There was sheepfold and shed for storage on its right. A big road was laid right in front of our home. But even if it was called a big road, there was actually very handful vehicles ever passed on. It was rare for outsider to drive passed this area. Most of those vehicles were locals. They used pickup trucks which the paint was already faded. And you would find some brown stains on it.

Dad's pickup truck that he got from grandpa was no different. You wouldn't be able to tell whose car was newer. All functioned the same, to transport farm produce or fertilizer and pesticides. Guess no owner would care about the faded paint or the brown stains that might be caused by soil dirt or some rust.

There was one thing we couldn't help to ignore when we sat on the terrace and some car passed by on that lonely road. The driver would press the klaxon and greeted us, "Good day!". And the one who's been greeting would answer with the same "Good day!" like it was an unwritten rule among locals.

I always reply with that same greeting, every time. Even though I kept on wondering myself about what 'good day' really was meant? Wasn't everyday just as same? Everyone did their same routines each and every day in Aitkin. As if that town had been isolated from time current and trapped inside a slow motion. They didn't care much about development that was bringing new life on the big cities out there.

I never knew that those things that I thought as boring, was actually such comfort. It only after losing them as I moved from Aitkin that I realised how precious those good days were. It was my comfort zone. Before I knew it, I missed them, the ordinary and good gays in Minnesota. Especially the forest behind that hill. For some reasons that I myself wondering, it was hard to be parted from that forest. I felt like I left something important there. As if there was something that I still need to find.

At the last week of summer, we went to Denver, Colorado. We rode twenty hours moving train. And I got to say that I dislike those iron long bodied giant that keep coughing up dark grey smoke from its nose. Not sure whether it was due to the smoke's smell that came from coal combustion, or since there were just too many people on station that it was crowded like shit, or perhaps I was just venting my frustration from our moving lifestyle.

We spent three days in Denver just for unpacking things and get ourselves ready to new city. Um, by the way, the home we were going to use was not the same as the one we had booked before. For one more time, Karen had proved that her ability to see future was real. She told us that there would be flood in Colorado at Mei. That was part of why we delayed our moving until after summer. Of course, mom was never one to let go this chance to sing praises for Karen's future vision.

The bad news was that the house which dad chose before got damaged by that flood. And it made him need to find a new home immediately. Then we somehow got this place, a fine three floored old Europe's style home at 18st street, the mid part of Denver. Dad said a friend helped him.

But then, worse news arose. We've just lived there for a week and Karen said she got a damn new vision. She told us that we should move.

"… this place is not safe."

I couldn't help but rolling my eyeball for listening such a damned reason. It was the very same reason, every time.

"What do you think?" Mom asked dad that had stopped sipping his coffee.

Dad looked like he was breathing a hard breath for some reason. Well, couldn't blame him if he was still tired. Right after he came back from his mission, dad went to Aitkin to picked us up. Then the next morning we went to Denver and kept busy for days to arrange things. But I knew dad way too well. He would never say it. Dad always hide it for himself and say nothing in front of us, about things like tired or sick.

"Not safe, huh?" Before realising it, I tried to oppose Karen's suggestion, put away the popcorn that I've enjoyed while watching a black-and-white television. "If so, then we can call the police. They are right there across the street."

Karen avoided my gaze. Not exactly. She didn't want to look at me and start arguing to defend what she said earlier. She knew that I never trust her future vision. "The police won't be able to help." She said in little voice.

Mom tried to stop us from arguing. "Key, you should listen to Karen."

"No, mom. You should listen to me!" I replied. "We've just moved for a week! And we came all the way here because you just putting too much trust to what she said. And now what? When we've just finished managing things here, she told us to move again."

"Karen has a reason," said mom. Just as always, she took Karen's side and defend her.

"And you think I have no reason at all when I reject her suggestion?!" I could feel my anger raised my voice. "I never agree with this damned moving idea. I told you many times that you could just let me stay in Minnesota by myself."

"Stop it!!" Mom raised her voice too. Seemed like she reached her patience limit now. "Karen sees future and she say it for our sake. You've seen the proves yourself, haven't you?"

"Some coincidences were never enough to prove it. Sorry mom, but I can never trust it like you do," I said as I tried my best to lower my tune.

Mom, Karen, and even dad sent me a shocked gaze. As if it was news for them. I mean, they should've known it that I never trust Karen's future vision at all. I've endured with their freaky moving habits for two and a half years.

"Listen! I know I can't see future and I don't care about it. But I can see present. I am not the only one that feel tired here, I'm sure dad is most tired among us. We never let him got enough time to rest."

Mom looked like she just swallowed back what she was about to say. And by the look in her eyes, I knew mom couldn't encounter me. I was right. Dad was so tired but no one notice. And mom was so dependent to the 'future' which Karen said and became like a paranoid. Mom set her eyes on dad, and there was a big hole of self-blaming in that look.

"I'm fine," said dad. "Key, I know you're tired. We're all tired. But, please, refrain yourself from making it more complicated."

That was my dad. I knew he would say that. I didn't know why, but dad always put his family's sake on top priority. I thought even up to an abnormal level. I mean, dad was a person just like a any of us, so no matter how strong and tough he was, there was time that he could feel tired. But, well, that was just my dad. He would tell me to refrain myself—again.

"More complicated?" I repeated in low voice. "So, there was already another problem, right?"

I could see dad gulped down nervously when mom's and Karen's attention shifted to him. Looked like he really had no intention to tell his most beloved two women here. Mom moved to a seat next to dad, asked him calmly. Dad was still trying to avoid answering our question, and said that he would find a solution.

Dad just wouldn't say it himself. It made me wondering about another possible troubles, something mattered more than arranging another move. Then I remembered one thing.

"The house payment …." I mumbled, louder than intended. Everyone's attention now shifted to me. "Dad, you've paid some number for the house that got drifted away by the flood, haven't you?"

That was it. The house that we intended to rent before and got damaged by flood on last May. We've talked about that before since we knew that dad had transferred some rent cost. But he said that he could work it out and would make sure to get the money back.

"Well … it's just as you thought …" Dad admitted.

"How can that happen? And why haven't you said anything?" mom protested.

"Sorry …. I thought I could work it out later because we're moving here anyway. But it didn't look promising. The landlord had lost many buildings and got great loss. Even if I choose to use law to sue, it would take some time."

Mom exhaled a long breath, seemed so shocked that dad really kept the matter for himself. "So, what now? Should we take some money from out deposit to move?"

"But we've taken some to rent this home …."

Karen looked nervous listening to where our talk lead. "Then what should we do?"

"Then we don't move." I rebuked Karen before anyone did.

"But, they will come …."

"Karen, this is the truth. We've got two choices. One is to move and die from starving. Or two, to stay our ground and defend." This time I gave her no chance to spill out about her vision or some freaky fantasy creatures that would attack us soon.

Dad tried to arbitrate us. "You don't have to say something like that, Key. We'll find a way."

"What, are you saying we should listen to Karen and move again? Dad, are you a soldier who keep running away from your enemy? If it so, then I really pity myself for ever wished to follow your footstep."

I didn't know why my anger directed to dad now. And I even used harsh words to him. Only when I found a dark shadow on dad's eyes, I regretted what I said. But it was too late.

I turned around, intended to exclude myself from Wilder family discussion where my thought was never been useful and my opinion was never having any value to consider.

Karen who stood next to door tried to make me stay. "I know you don't believe it. But they're coming for you."

"I know, but I'm not afraid."

***