Chapter 9

He really wasn't sure what he was going. He felt like a complete idiot for acting instead of thinking and now he was sitting in a chair in the hospital debating what his next course of action should be.

Ever since his grandmother had told him his mother was alive, that was what was in his mind for the past 4 years and now he was 10, soon turning 11. There was only some time left until he would finally get his Hogwarts letter, he wasn't sure how to feel about it. Even his cousin Draco was more excited than him. Maybe there was no excitement because he was more so worried.

They all expected him to be a Slytherin but were not put off with the idea of him being a Ravenclaw they had said- it was apparently 'expectable'. His great grandfather had said he would be proud with either Ravenclaw or Slytherin, even his grandfather Abraxas had said the same thing, having said his mother herself was a Ravenclaw just like her mother.

Slytherin…

Ravenclaw…

Were those really his only options? What about Hufflepuff or even Gryffindor- it was like a sinking feeling having thought of getting into a house other than Slytherin or Ravenclaw. He didn't wish to know what their reactions would be, he couldn't say he cared all too much because eventually, they would move on from the fact, he 'disappointed' them.

…The thought of not getting into any house at all was something on his mind.

He fiddled with his fingers, watching as nurse after nurse walked by, just as time went on not waiting for him to make his decision. He shook his head in confusion. He wasn't even sure if his mother was in the hospital, but she had to be. If she was alive then she was most likely injured since she hadn't come for him.

Coward.

That was what he was a coward. His hands covered his face in frustration. Maybe he should just go back home. If he was able to withhold from trying to find his mother for so long, he could just continue on like that.

For some reason, it felt like his heart had jumped from his chest to his throat.

Just as he finally decided to just go back to the Manor a voice stopped him from jumping off the seat. "Is there anything I could do for you?"

He turned his gaze to the woman who had spoken to him, from her clothing she was a healer. His mouth felt dry as he repeated the question in his head. "Actually, I suppose there is" there! He said it… he was really going to see his mother.

"I would like to visit my… um, mother."

She smiled at his hesitance. "Alright, we'll head to the administrator desk, I'll see if I can find her file for you. Then you can go visit her." She responded lightly and just like that he was walking through the halls of the hospital, following every step she stood as she led the way.

He glanced around, inspecting everything visible to the eye in the office as the healer looked through her drawer, looking for 'M'.

Adrasteia Malfoy, he had told her his mother's name was. He noticed her eyes widened at the name and those eyes then started looking at him differently just as she acted differently. It would seem she had realized who he was, but he was glad she didn't seem put off by it more so shocked that the Black heir was there.

"Ah there it is" she finally said as she brought out the file. Just as she told him where she was, she gave him a pass, one that would give him access to the side of the hospital she was in. Just as he turned to leave, he turned to her.

"…Has anyone visited her before?" he had to know, had they checked on her, now that he knew she really was there? Her lips thinned into a straight line.

"I'm sorry but I can't disclose that information."

He nodded slowly then opened his mouth to say something again.

"Don't worry, your visit won't be disclosed."

Then he left, still feeling slightly numb knowing the state she was in, he knew what to expect after being told by the healer but there he was stood still in a daze, he saw her- she was there, laid in a bed, he felt unsettled seeing her.

It was strange. She paid no mind to him, not when he opened the door, nor when he took hesitant steps towards her, not once had she looked in his direction. He was so close yet so far, unable to move another muscle- she was right there! He didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to feel. It was real- this was real.

She was sat up in the bed staring straight ahead, her hands twirling her hair around, mumbling about something he couldn't hear, even if he could he doubted any of it would make sense.

It was strange seeing her after so long. She looked different- of course she looked different the last time he had seen her was when he was two. He could remember vividly how she had rushed him out of bed… so eager to protect him and have him live but was he really worthy of that? Of her?

She didn't deserve this- any of this.

His hand clenched into a tight fist, he wasn't planning on backing down. He looked down to his hands with a flash it was as though his hands were painted with blood a memory form his past life.

If he had taken a life before he was sure it should be easier a second time.

Bella trip would see the same fate as his mother but death would follow.

He looked back up at his mother a sad look dawned on his face. She had been so young and just like that she was no more. He was merely staring at a shell of Adrasteia Malfoy. She wasn't really there. Was it wrong for him to think her better dead? Was she even in there at all?

"Mum?" He called out knowing he wouldn't get a response and just like that she didn't even react to his voice, not even sparring a glance in his direction.

The whole time his 'family' had told her she was dead yet here she was. What was their reason for lying? To protect him? It must be that there was no other plausible reason he could come up with, but were they ever planning on telling him?

The more he thought of it, maybe it made sense they didn't want to tell him that she was tortured into insanity. His mind started to replay her screams in his head right at that moment.

It was as though he no longer had full control of his body. He turned hastily, his heart thumping against his chest- he couldn't breathe yet his body still managed to move against his will, running towards the door, finally turning the corner. He stopped there, pressing his back against the cold wall, trying to calm his nerves. Why was he acting like this? He wanted to know. Shouldn't he be happy?

He stood there for a few minutes. He was neither angry nor happy. He felt strangely empty and confused as he composed himself. He took another breath, a deep breath this time as he looked onwards staring at the passing nurses that walked by sparing small glances at him. He avoided their eyes, suddenly he felt naked as if they were judging him.

To them, he looked as though he was mourning and so left him be.

He sighed as he pushed himself off the wall and turned again, turning the corner to go and see his mother again but unfortunately that trip was ended by a collision, an unexpected one. He collided into something- no someone, he barely managed to stay up on his feet as his arms failed around trying to keep balance, on the other hand, the other person didn't seem to have the same balance he had and went tumbling backwards.

Looking down at the fallen child that seemed to be around his age he saw the tears and suddenly panic was building up in him. The child was crying, tears falling down from his eyes and down his plump face, which was flushed in pink, his eyes red from the crying. The boy's lips quivered as he cried, looking up at Leonis, as he saw Leonis he turned his head away, feeling embarrassed he had been caught crying.

"Sorry" the plump boy mumbled out.

"I wasn't looking where I was going" the boy continued and Leonis dumbly nodded his head as he found the right words to use and apologized for the incident.

"Sorry about that, I wasn't too careful when I was turning the corner" Leonis spoke as he held his hand out for the boy to take as he was still sitting on the floor. Once the boy saw the hand, he reached up for it, grabbing it letting Leonis help him up.

"Are you okay?" Leonis asked carefully to the tearful boy. The boy nodded his head, "Yes, of course" he said as he rubbed his eyes, then rubbed his face trying to get rid of the evidence of his crying then took a deep breath, looking downwards shaking slightly.

"Sorry" he heard the boy mumble out again and Leonis just nodded again this time more awkwardly.

"Are you sure you're, okay?" he asked seeing as the boy still had tears flowing from his eyes.

"I'm okay, I promise" the boy quickly said trying then proceeded to explain himself. "I- I just have allergies" he stuttered with his words not knowing what to say. Leonis held himself back from rolling his eyes, he was surrounded by kids a lot, whether it's Draco or some of the other kids he has to associate with, like Crabbe and Goyle, so he knew this kid in front of him was lying, it was terribly obvious. Reaching down he shoved his hand into his pocket and proceeded to take out a handkerchief. The only one he had on him at the moment and handed it to the boy.

"Here. You should stop crying, your eyes are getting redder I think" Leonis simply said but as he said that he seemed to remember that they were in a hospital… the boy was crying- worst-case scenario, the boy is just after losing a loved one and he was blatantly telling him to stop crying.

"I shouldn't have said that but are you completely sure you're, okay?" Leonis spoke again deciding this would be the last time he would ask, not wanting to bother the boy.

The boy looked about ready to explode.

"I- no! I'm not okay. I'm just a burden on her!" the boy burst out.

"To whom?" Leonis gently asked, finally the boy looked up and whispered, "My grandmother."

"I think she hates me!" he exclaimed.

The boy was shaking in sadness, his hands gripped tightly into a fist.

"…Um, maybe you're just overlooking it, you might just not be seeing what she's trying to get across but maybe she- I mean, why do you think your grandmother hates you?" Leonis asked, very curious.

The boy all but avoided all eye contact with him.

"She- I… I'm a squib! I'm sure she would rather throw me out, than have to take care of a squib! I can't be heir if I'm a squib- I'm a disappointment."

He really didn't know what to say to that, he stared at the child in front of him with amusement in his eyes as he stared at the boy, hummed to himself feeling the warm aura hitting against him from the boy, it was strong… there was a lot of it. Why on earth would he think he was a squid? Could he not sense the magic off of him? He stared at the aura, the faint glow that surrounded him, it was a shade of blue, but he wasn't sure of it. It was his first time seeing it blue.

Draco's was a yellow shade.

He had only started seeing it a few years ago.

"You're not a squib" he plainly told the boy, "Why do you think that?" his head tilted as he questioned the boy.

"I- no accidental magic "he mumbled.

"Well, just because you haven't had any accidental magic doesn't mean you're a squib. Accidently magic usually occurs with overwhelming emotions, whether anger, happiness or sadness, it could happen abruptly or be so subtle you couldn't even notice it. You really shouldn't worry about it, soon enough when you're turning 11, you'll get your Hogwarts letter."

The boy stared at him with hopeful eyes, "You really think so?" his voice quiet. Leonis nodded his head with a rare smile.

"I know so. I'm Leonis."

"…Um- I'm Neville." The boy gave a shy smile as he used the handkerchief to wipe the tears away.

That was the first time they met and by all means wasn't the last as he continued visiting his mother, with that he learned Neville was a Longbottom… Neville Longbottom and it seemed they had something in common and that was not having parents.

After spending a few hours at Mungo's hospital, he flooed back to the manor where his grandfather Arcturus questions led him on his whereabouts which the best excuse, he could come up with was, 'I went for a walk.'

The old man just stared at him unimpressed with his answer and decided to not bother himself to question his great-grandson any further and instead had him get ready for his stay at the Malfoy manor as planned before.

He wasn't all too excited to be spending the night at his cousins.

--

He hated mornings. Leonis rolled over that morning with a low groan as he heard the raspy and hesitant voice of the Malfoy family elf, Dobby.

"Master Leonis, breakfast has been served" the elf rasped with a low bow. He pried his eyes open staring at the creature, he had finally gotten used to house-elves, but it would seem they had made him slightly lazier than needed.

He nodded his head where he laid, staring at the bowing house-elf before letting out a sigh. "Great… thanks Dobby, you are free to go now. You're a very good elf." He praised the elf knowing very well that he would go wake Draco up and start punishing himself for not doing something right when it was done right, but not up to Draco's standards. He always felt as though his hair was greying whenever he was around his cousin.

With that the elf stood up straight beaming at him, "Yes sir!" and with that, he left with a crack. Leaving him alone in his bedroom that he had at the Malfoy residence.

He turned around trying to get back into a comfortable position, intending on catching a couple of extra winks of sleep before hauling himself downstairs for food. His cousin, Draco, however, seemed to have other ideas as there was a sudden shard rap on the, now closed door.

Letting out an annoyed sigh he turned again, before snapping at the boy, "What is it?"

Draco ignored the tone and pushed his way through the large bedroom looking around, "You changed the wall colour again?" the boy mused as he stared at the now dull blue walls that had used to be a dark grey.

He shrugged his shoulders in response, it was only yesterday he had gotten dobby to change it.

Taking the silence as an invitation to talk some more Draco did.

"Are you planning on laying in your bed all day?"

He stared unblinking at his cousin before replying in a bored tone, "And if I was?"

"Whatever" the blonde bit out seeing he wasn't welcomed and marched his way back to the door.

"I'll see you downstairs Leo."

He rolled over onto his back, staring idly at the ceiling turning his gaze to the chandelier that was just above the side of his bed. He tried closing his eyes, praying to get a bit more sleep but his eyes wouldn't stay shut, failing to fall asleep after so many interruptions he decided he might as well just go downstairs for his breakfast.

Sluggishly he grabbed a pair of robes, tugging them on. Seizing the doorknob, he wrenched it open before proceeding downstairs towards the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen, he found his family already sat, his grandfather Abraxas, his aunt Narcissa, uncle Lucius and his cousin Draco all being served by Lissy. He slumped down beside Draco who spared him a glance just as Lissy began to serve him his own food.

His grandfather who had a newspaper in front of his view lowered it staring at him, "I see you didn't bother with your hair" the older man commented. He snorted as he glanced at both his uncle and cousin.

"Well, I suppose not everyone can be as preppy as dear uncle Lucius and my darling cousin." He didn't miss the amused smile that appeared on the older man's face before it was covered with the daily prophet once again and noticed the small smile on Narcissa's face while of course, his uncle scowled at him not bothering to say anything.

"What's that suppose to mean!" his cousin of course revolted. He just shrugged and dug into his bacon and eggs. Just as he was about to take another bite an owl flew in the kitchen window and dropped a thick parchment envelope on top of his plate.

Ah. It was finally here. Shaking the envelope, which in the process seemed to get egg yolk on his cousin. He wasn't expecting its arrival especially when he was sleeping over at the Malfoys.

He stared at the neatly written ink. His birthday was still 2 weeks away until he would finally be 11.

Mr Leonis Sirius Black

Malfoy Manor

Wiltshire, England

"What is it?" Draco asked, attempting to lean over to see what was written on the envelope.

He waved it about slightly as he answered Draco, "Hogwarts letter I'm guessing." Leonis responded unenthused. Using his finger, he broke the seal and pulled the first letter out and read it before promptly passing it over to his smiling aunt dodging Draco's outstretched hand.

"How wonderful" His aunt spoke as she skimmed through the letter. "So when will we go to Diagon Alley for your school stuff," Draco asked excitedly but his excitement was cut short at the look their grandfather gave the young boy then promptly told his youngest grandson he wouldn't be going with Leonis.

He had to stop himself from laughing at the appalled look Draco had given the man. He could understand why his grandfather said that likely because Draco was good at making everything about himself.

Looking away, he looked down at the other piece of parchment that had all the things he needed.

It still hadn't hit him that he was really going to a magical school.