Roommate Trouble

"OMG OMG! MY ROOMIEEE!" she says in the most annoying shriek I've ever heard.

"Yeah, hi. Calm down. It really isn't all that exciting. The name's May by the way." I say while mentally slapping myself, 'the name's May' oh come onnn.

"Oh sorry. I'm just excited to finally have a normal roommate. My last roommate was a total disaster. She was so strange and oddly secretive. Oh and I'm Amber." she says the last part with her hand held out, clearly waiting for a handshake. I keep my hand by my side. She seems like a sweet, if annoying, girl but I didn't come here to make friends and I'd like to keep it that way. This Amber chick is very....different though. She's nothing like I thought my roommate was going to be like. First off, she's got bright orange hair and a multitude of freckles from her forehead down to her stick thin legs. She's wearing an incredibly weird ensemble: a short lilac skirt with little penguin heads all over it, a periwinkle blue blouse with the words 'swim like a dolphin, fly like a bird' (which is the stupidest thing I've ever seen written on a piece of clothing), to top it off she's wearing a brown felt bag which looks like someone shred half of it and then squashed it with their fat ass, and a chartreuse hat with so much glitter on it, it's giving me a migraine, for some reason whoever designed this hat decided to put a penguin on the top. I'm guessing this girl really likes penguins.

"Ok." I say sounding a lot colder than I was trying to.

"You don't say much, do you? That's probably a good thing. I do enough talking for the both of us." she says in an annoying sing-song voice.

"Uh, yeah ok. I'm going to go and unpack now." I say while walking towards the bed on the right hand side of the dorm room. Her side is oddly symmetrical in the color scheme, exactly half is chartreuse on the left and exactly half is lilac on the right. Must've taken an age.

"I'll help you. Two heads are the better than one, right?" she says in the same horrible sing-song voice.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'll unpack by myself." I say hurriedly. Now I know that may seem rude, but there's no way I'm going to let that girl rummage through my stuff. What she'd find there would get me a one-way ticket to jail, or maybe the airport if she turns out to be the airhead I think she is.

"Oh ok. I'll leave you to it then. I'll be at the other side of the room if you need me." she says in the saddest sounding tone I've heard from her since I met her 15 minutes ago.

—

30 minutes later

Somehow I managed to unpack all my stuff without her catching a glimpse of my special box. It's locked anyway and it's got a 10 letter combination, I doubt she could see the contents of it even if she wanted to. It's not like I'm going to show her. She's more likely to grow wings and 'fly like a bird', just like her blouse states, than it is that I'll show her what's in the box. I'd have to kill her first, literally, and adding another death to my plate isn't exactly going to solve my problems. If anything it'll make things 10x worse, since that's the reason I'm here in the first place, and trying to solve a problem by doing the exact same thing is like trying to put out a fire by setting fire to it. Just adds to the problem instead of solving it.

"Wow, you unpack fast! You could be like in the Olympics for your extremely fast unpacking skills, you would be known as....May the Olympic unpacker!" Amber says with an extraordinarily wide smile, I'm concerned her face might split in two, while still talking in an annoying sing-song tone. God this girl is a lot, this is going to be a fucking long year.

"Uh, yeah, ok. Well, I'm going to go to my class now. I've missed my lecture and 1 lesson, which is fine by me but I'd rather not stay here longer than I have to. So, see ya round Amber."

"Oh. Ok. See ya." she says in what I swear is the same tone you'd use if you had just come from a funeral. Ok, I do feel a bit bad about that, she's a nice girl but I really can't afford to make the same mistake I did last time. I can't make friends, I have to be a stone cold machine. Ugh, she looks so hurt, god she's making this way harder than it needs to be. Whatever, forget about her, I'm here on a mission and I need to complete it so I can get on with my life. This is supposed to be a fresh start and I'm not going to let a sweet, ginger, annoying ball of excitement ruin it for me.

—

1 hour later, in Biology

Man, university sucks ass, the students are either all about the parties or all about studying, there's literally no middle ground. I'm the exception to the rule, I hate parties and studying isn't really my thing either, either way that's not why I came here. I'd better pay attention now though, because university isn't like high school, if you are what they call "a troublemaker", then they'll just tell you to basically fuck off, not in so many words but you'd still end up doing just that. Being thrown out of uni isn't part of my plan and if I'm not careful my head will be on a platter with a sign saying "Eat Me", like in Alice in Wonderland but this time I'd be the food.

"Miss Davis." the stout, horse-faced teacher Mr Andrews says sharply, nearly making me jump.

"Yes, sir?" I say with the most angelic look I can muster.

"Are you paying attention?" he says with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Of course, sir. You were talking about developments in cells." I say in what I hope is a humble sounding tone. Luckily, I'm pretty good at multitasking so I could easily hear what topic he was talking about.

"Ah, Ok, good. Just making sure. Now, let's carry on with our work." says the horse-faced Mr Andrews.

"Ahem, ahem. Hello." says the guy sitting behind me, gently tapping my shoulder. He's a really tall guy, at a glance I'd say he's about 6'5, his skin is a smooth golden brown that reminds me of sand at the beach. He has these cute, short dreads and amazing full lips that look so soft and warm, his eyes are an amazing hazel colour that look like you could be sucked right into them and his piercing eyes are like a window to your soul. Oh god. What am I doing? Snap out of it! "Uhhh. Hello? You ok? You spaced out for a second."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Hi. You were saying?" I say while trying to pull myself together.

"You dropped your pen. Here." he says in a sweet, Scottish accent, while holding out my pen. I quickly take the pen, careful not to touch his hand.

—

Another hour later, in the dorm room

Annoying Amber is laying on her bed when I come in. Her whole face lights up and she quickly skips over to me.

"Hiiiii!" she says in a voice that I swear could break glass.

"Uh, hi. How many classes do you have tomorrow?" I say sounding way more natural than I feel.

"Just 2 and 1 seminar. Why? Are we going to a par-tayyy?!!" she says the last part while squealing and jumping up and down.

"No. I need to do something and I want you to come with me." I say sounding extremely monotonous. I don't particularly want her to come with me, but I need an innocent and oblivious person to help me with this. It should only take one day, I'll probably be back in time for my lecture Wednesday morning.

"OMGGG! YAYYYY!" she screams while practically jumping for joy.

"For fucks sake, please shush. You're doing my head in. Just meet me back here tomorrow after your seminar." I say trying not to sound as frustrated as I feel. This girl is seriously way too much. I really hope this is worth it and that she can keep her mouth shut for more than two seconds.

"Oh ok, sorry. It's just so exhilarating! I can't wait!" she says while jumping up and down, her face filled with joy and excitement.

Ok, here's the plan: I'm going to go to the beach, it's about a mile away from here so it shouldn't take long to get there. The reason for that is I need the sand and water so I can finish what I started. I need her because someone has to collect the sand and water, I can't do it because I have to be at the tool shop nearby, so I can get the tools to Hotwire a car, hide a few bodies and maybe create more if needs must. I also have to write a will, not for me obviously, I'm writing the will for the people six feet under. Then I have to cleverly arrange everything so it can't possibly be tracked back to me. Should be a piece of cake for someone as sharp-minded as me.

The only reason I enrolled in this stupid university was because if I didn't I was going to be sent to a correctional facility. Now, I've just got to clean up the mess I made so no one back home thinks I did it. They'll just think the poor saps offed themselves and I'll have a clean slate.