4 Last straw

The party seemed to be in a house close to downtown so the neighborhood wasn't the best. Entering the house gave a burdensome smell of smoke and liquor. The music was blaring loud enough to be heard a few houses down and Cassandra had disappeared in crowd of people. I had began to hallucinate from the pill this seemed like it would be a bad trip. I felt like i needed to drink water but the only liquids i could find were vodka ,beer and, bourbon. I decided to just drink whatever i could find, i felt everything begin to get blurry and everything started to shake.

I went to a corner chair in the house to just try to get a grip of reality but then i just blackout and found myself in front of a mirror i looked at myself i was a mess i looked around, i was in the bathroom it was a yellow small unkempt bathroom. I began to hear voices and they began overlapping the loud music. I looked to the right of the bathroom and everything on that side was white. I slowly crept toward the white, i reached out with my finger my hand now hovering in the white i blacked out and found myself in a white room with nothing in it. There was nothing just white I lifted my hand up to see if i could see myself and my hand was blurred and seemed to be phasing.

It seemed as if i was still at the party but yet i wasn't, i had brief flashes of the party but i kept seeing white. I then began to wonder where Cassandra was, I asked myself if she was going through the same thing ? It went completely quiet and i heard a soft voice, it was familiar it made me happy, it was Nicole's it progressively got louder and in the distance of the blank room i saw her. She was facing away i started to run towards her but she just disappeared stayed the same distance away. I heard her voice all around me.

"I knew i was wasting my time, it went exactly how i thought it would."

That collection of words devastated me when she told me that days before i left, and now i hear it all around i fell to my knees and quivered, tears began forcing themselves out and streaming through my face. My body felt weak my heart racing and my mind freaking out i was in a low place in my health and i felt horrible. I wish i didn't have a heart to love, but sadly love brought me to the situation i am in now. I began to think about how i got here, i remember it began with a casual conversation. You complimented my outfit, i complimented your huge oversized jacket but even then you seemed familiar. We had met before but never really talked.

We were strangers but it seemed as if we had known each other our whole lives. I went spiralling into a void of inviolable emotions, memories engraved in my mind of everything i left behind.

It seemed as if i had been zoned out for minutes but as i began to go back into reality i was on the soft wet grass, i couldn't get up, it seemed as i had been fused into the earth entangled with the soft blades of grass. The sun light painting a layer of warmth on my face gave me a sense of joy along with the gentle breeze of the soft autumn air. but it all disappeared in a blink of an eye i was back in the desolate white room. In the distance of the vast white i saw a void of darkness. I approached in hopes of leaving, and as i strolled closer i noticed the beauty of the void , it was space, there seemed to be a nebula on the other side. All my life i dreamed to be able to see space and i just did.

I began to feel weightless as i drew closer the nebula was a heavenly mix of colors all put together creating aesthetic pleasure. I felt my heart begin to pace at high speeds i looked around and saw black inching towards me as if i was the center. I began thinking of what was going on and asked myself is this what death was like, a tear gently streamed down my cheek as the darkness came closer i thought of nicole as my imminent end came and my thought faded along with my vision and my sense of touch. The life humanity has worked to create seems like the center of the world, but in reality the universe has been around for years before and will be here long after humans disappear. In the great grand scheme of things we are just tiny specks who will one day be forgotten and the only thing that matters are small memories made...