The Journey Of The Progenitor Of Fear

I woke up again in another morning, much to my displeasure. Perhaps some would view this trail of thought appearing first thing in the morning as extremely depressing, and they wouldn't be wrong. However, strange as it may sound, I don't feel a thing about it. For me, the simple wish for non-existence is as normal as breathing or eating—it's not bad, sad, happy, or cruel; it is a mere reality. A reality that humans fail to see or simply choose to shroud their feeble existence with mindless consumerism. In any case, death is nowhere near me, so my only option is to once more go through my awfully banal day.

I slowly drag my sleepy self out of bed, yawning a few times as I rub my half-shut eyes. Could barely wake up before hearing my Mom's voice coming from downstairs.

"Sayu! Are you awake, sweetie?" A lovely voice, filled with warmth. 

"Going, Mom!" I reply, raising my voice slightly 

Making my way toward the bathroom, I wonder how many times I have lived this same moment. Ever since a young age, I considered myself to be different from others. Somehow, I couldn't see the world as those around me saw it. In front of the mirror after brushing my teeth, I stop a bit to take a good look at myself, almost hearing the comments which are engraved on my mind as I trail each section of my face.

'You are beautiful... Your eyes are amazing... Your hair...'

And although it is the truth, what does it matter if I'm still human anyway? Sure, I have a prettier shell, doesn't mean I'm free. One can become stronger, of course, but can you stop a bullet? One can seek to enhance their knowledge, but anyway, the human mind is limited. And alas, one can become rich, just to die sooner or later, maybe in a comfortable hospital bed if you are lucky enough.

Is there any meaning to human existence? 

I grip both sides of the sink strongly as my whole expression melts into one of subtle anger. I'm weak, bound by mortality without any way whatsoever of seeking that which I value the most: Power—raw and almighty power. Not political power or any other kind, I'm speaking of the power to seize whole worlds with my own hands. Enough to be free to do as I see fit, enough to render any law made by Man or God's useless before me, enough not to have to endure anything ever again. I sigh to relax my mind, casting the recurring thought to the back of my subconscious again.

After dressing up in my school uniform, I go downstairs to have breakfast alongside my Mother before leaving. I was born into a lovely family, and I'm very grateful for that.

Walking toward the door, I hear my Mother's voice reaching out to me. "Have a nice day at school, sweetie. Love you," And despite my gratefulness for all my family ever gave me, it never stops being difficult for me to reciprocate her feelings. 

"Love you too, Mom," I said with my back turned as I faced the door handle.

My own parents, yet I'm incapable of loving them. Every time I have to lie to them, I feel a sting on my chest as if a small needle is penetrating my heart. They gave me so much, and despite their being in my life for so long, I can't truthfully say that I love them. And then I set out to pass by the same streets, the same river, the same bridge—but I do enjoy something about this route.

"Come here, little kitten," I call out to a white cat, relaxing under a tree's shade on the side of the street. I feel a sort of connection between us, it is just like me, the cat, always staring at the same view, under the same tree—I passed by here almost every day for the past five years, and the creature was never once absent. As odd as it may sound, I feel like we are friends going through the same struggle. After petting the cat, I continued on my way.

At school, I have no problem interacting with my colleagues, and they most certainly have no trouble interacting with me either—a little bit of faking and a pretty face is enough to grant you a sort of status here, works like a charm. After a while of what seemed to be an eternity in this hellhole, the time finally came to leave; however, while packing my material, a shy-looking boy approached my desk, and I instantly knew where this was going... Another one, just great. Of course, I contain myself behind a smile to not let my displeasure show in my facade.

"Sayu... could I speak with you for a moment? In private, I mean" His voice trembles and he hesitates for a moment.

Ergh... I could puke already just from looking at him. I really don't wanna go, but if I don't shoot this nuisance down quickly, he will continue to try and be an even bigger nuisance soon. I open my bag, casually looking inside. My stun gun is fully charged, it seems.

"Sure, show me the way," I replied with a casual tone, wearing a gentle smile

I walked a step behind him as he led the way toward a more secluded part of our school. The hallways were filled with teenagers who cast odd glances at us, as expected. Well, I'm somewhat popular and single, so of course, people would stare if I walked alone with another boy. Ugh... tomorrow people will ask about it the whole day. Despite my annoyed self, we arrive at the location, and he hesitates for a few seconds but seems to find the courage to proceed. 

"Eh, Sayu, I- like yo-u. Would you go out with me?!" Said the anxious boy, fumbling over his own words, too afraid to meet my eyes.

LIKE? I don't even know who you are for fuck's sake. A damn vermin, know exactly the type—if I ask him what exactly he likes about me, he will fumble and give a feeble excuse just to not say it is for my looks. A dumb lackey, it's all he is. Whatever, I'm tired already.

"I'm sorry, but I don't even know your name, nor do I know you enough to have an opinion about you at all. But let me tell you this, I don't feel anything related in the slightest to like when it comes to you," I said, still faking a gentle smile and a casual tone, contrasting deeply with my harsh words.

The boy, looking absolutely destroyed, clenched his fists and ran away without a word. I've had worse reactions before, thats why I walk around with a stun gun after all. Now thats over with, I begin to head home. My way back is mostly tranquil and banal as usual, however, today something different happened. The cat wasn't in his usual spot today, but despite having a bad feeling about it, I shrugged. It is a cat after all, it might be sleeping elsewhere today. At least, that's what I hoped.

But the world hardly cares about anyone's hopes. And mine are shattered as soon as I hear some students chatting loudly by the river as I walk across the bridge.

"Dude, you are cruel! You drowned the cat in cold blood," One of them said excitedly in between laughs.

When I heard this, I froze in place and slowly closed my eyes. What did the cat do to deserve such a fate, I wonder. All he ever did was mind his own business, yet humans appeared and destroyed everything like usual. Sigh... I don't care anymore.

"It was just a stray, no one cares about it anyway. If you didnt want me to, you shouldn't challenge me next time," another boy adds apathetically.

I turn sideways, walking over to the edge to gaze upon the group lying relaxed on the grass by the river under the bridge. I quickly spot a white cat lying flat on the grass, lifeless beside the group of three teenagers. My face is completely blank, eyes open wide, casting a menacing stare over them.

Vermin's... Beings so weak, yet they fancy themselves so superior to that animal. They barely acknowledge the existence of a life within it, but in the end, what's the difference between them and the creature? A cat might be less intelligent, so? Should we drown every def now? The arrogance... Humans who fail to know their place, yet ignorance is not to be blamed, but trimmed. I reach out for my stun gun, securing it behind my back as I throw my bag on the ground.

Sigh... why am I doing this? ... Whatever, I don't care anymore. This life is not worth living anyway. I know exactly what the consequences of my acts will be as I walk toward them, going around the bridge and descending into the grass field onto the riverbank. Both of my hands are behind my back as I approach with an innocent smile, portraying myself as harmless as possible. 

"Boys, do you guys know where I can find some fun around here? I'm new around, you know? Looking to make some new friends," I said with an innocent tone, announcing my presence to them.

They ogle me for a second, then turn to each other with sly smiles. One of them, who seems to have drowned the cat, gets up and extends his hand to me.

"Oh, fun, you say? As a matter of fact, we happen to know just the place," He said with a malicious tone, almost giggling to himself as he tried to reach for my arm.

With a swift and surprising move, I took him down with my stun gun to his throat, shocking his brain out before he could even move a muscle against me. The boy, agonizing on the ground, is received by my stare of utter disgust.

'Disgusting creature'

Before the others could process what had happened, I sprinted toward the closest one—once more, a click followed by a scream of pain, and another one fell to the ground suffering from severe involuntary muscle contractions and sharp pain. Two down; however, the last one is now very much aware of me, quickly putting his guard up. For obvious reasons, I can't take him head-on. To be honest, it is a miracle that I managed to take two this quickly.

"What the fuck?! Ur dead, bitch!" He yells, his voice filled with anger, but a slight hint of fear lingers over his tone.

I just took down two of his friends. If he didn't notice any threat, I would dare say he is a straight-up monkey using human skin. At this very moment, the panic inside me is enough to make me tremble, but this same panic is what fuels my mind. Then, a daring idea appeared in my thoughts. My face twisted into a grim smile, my demeanor changed in a blink from terrifingly tense to utterly confident.

"Me, Dead? Oh boy, why don't you try asking your friends here how it ends?" I said mockingly

He stands frozen, fists up, waiting for me to dash into him, mistakenly thinking I would repeat the same pattern a third time. The fear in his eyes is obvious, and his hesitant stance highlights it even more.

"Are you going to risk it? What if you slip? What if you miss?" I said with a malicious tone, my eyes locked into his. "Look at these pieces of human garbage," I pointed at the downed teens. "Are they worth the risk?" He hesitated, but in the end, I watched as he turned his tail around his legs and sprinted away without looking back.

A tingle flowed through my entire body, a wave of sheer pleasure capable of painting my colorless world. I could only stare at the sky with pure bliss on my face. The thrill, the superiority, this is it. I've been looking for my whole life, a reason, fulfillment. It is pure, a pure moment of clarity in which I found myself, found what I am. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" I laughed at heaven, my face twisted in an ominous expression, and a smile from ear to ear.

I was almost distracted enough to let my new friends crawl away, but unfortunately for them, only almost. I once again use my stun gun to keep them docile on the ground, the twisted smile on my face refuses to go away as their pathetic weeping fills the surroundings; A newfound favorite music to my ears.

"AAAAAAAAA!! STOP PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" Screams the first boy, who is closer to the lake.

"AAAAAAAAAA! SON OF A BITCH!!" The second boy screams at the top of his lungs.

Their screams, the fear in their eyes—the pleasure is unbearable. How could I miss out on this activity for so long? I was born for this, I feel it. I hold the first boy, dragging him even closer to the river. I grab his head and push it down into the water. His body is weak enough that his feeble attempts to struggle are made useless under my grasp.

"No, please, I beg you, I beg y-" the boy tries to beg while his face leaves underwater for a moment, just to have his head shoved once again by me. Soon, he stops moving, I dont bother getting his head out of the water. Sigh... bliss, pleasure, joy—anything along this line would still be not enough to express the sensation I felt as holding the boy's head under the water, seeing and feeling him squirming gave me more pleasure than having sex, quite literally.

Quickly surveying my surroundings, I perceive the other boy crawling away silently, leaving a trail on the dirt. A giggle escapes through my lips while I slowly and menacingly walk toward him, and when he looks back over his shoulder, his teary eyes widen in fear, increasing his pace desperately in a feeble attempt to escape me.

I take a deep breath, "More... struggle more, suffer... crawl like a beast... fear more... despair," I muttered. 

With a well-delivered kick to the gut, the boy squirms for breath. I use my stun gun on him again, but this time right on the top of his head, turning his brain into a frying mess consistently for a while until he drops dead on the spot.

Aaah... The sky was always this beautiful? Somehow, the whole world seems different, and in my mind, I found purpose—to bring death. Purge the world of the disease called human life. I hear sirens, shit. Well, I wasn't trying to hide in the first place. A passerby might have seen and called the police, or that other one who ran might have called. In any case, I can't go to jail, not now, not after finally finding a reason to live.

Up the street again, I ran and ran desperately while hearing and seeing the sirens coming from every direction until a sudden sharp pain came to me, alongside my fall.

'What...' I look around while lying like a broken doll on the asphalt, then I see it. A random car just got me. Dammit, just when it was starting to get interesting. I closed my eyes, and they never opened again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere unknown.

"How are you feeling, Maria?" A man's voice asked calmly. His voice sounded elderly and superior, as if he carried knowledge unknown to many.

What... A voice... Where am I? Darkness... there is only dark. Surrounding my being, there is nothing but warmth and nothingness as far as I can see. But, see? Am I not dead? Or perhaps, this might be the afterlife.

"Unwell, My Lord. The baby... I don't know how to express it, but I've been having nightmares constantly. As you already know, I've been pregnant before; this time, however, it feels different—more tiring somehow, I feel it draining me." A woman's voice answers, her tone tired and concerned.

Oh no... no, please don't tell me... am I inside a womb? ... Fuck.

"Nightmares, you say? Of what kind?" He asked curiously.

It's... comfortable at the very least. But, disgusting. Thankfully, I can't see a thing. Well, using logic in a situation that seems completely unlogical, I'm already capable of hearing and feeling—so it shouldn't take long until this 'Maria' gives birth to me.

"Chaos," She answered hesitantly.

That aside, I feel strangely different. A sense of superiority, arrogance, and an instinct to dominate. But something stands out among these changes, now I can feel it clearly—the fear around me, Maria is terrified. Hm... This reincarnation business seems like it will be a lot of fun already.

"Destruction," She proceeded.

Her fear... I can taste its delicious flavor, smell its wonderful scent. It's empowering me, feeding me.

"Death,"

More... oh, mother, fear me more, feed me your worries and despair.

"It all leads to horror."

My previous life was meaningless, but this one, well, I have the recipe to my pleasure already, and nothing will be able to stop me. I can feel it in my being, engraved on my very soul. Sooner or later, everything that exists will fear me.