1 prologue

I'm not sure what to say or where to start.

The love I was able to bear was so strong and powerful that I myself still do not understand why I have nurtured so much hope. Deep down, I always knew that this love would be one-way and, in a sense, it was right for me to love on my own, but what hurt me the most was not to have a deep gratitude and to have suffered so much for a person who perhaps did not deserve this love.

Yet, and I am contradictory in what I am about to say, I do not regret having loved him. I have lived many things through the love I have had for him. I knew what it felt like to have a heart that beats unconditionally when you see the one you love; I knew what it felt like to have your stomach tied at the idea of spending a moment alone with him and I knew what it was like to have a heart that beats so hard that you're afraid that the person concerned will hear it.

Besides, my heart is still beating for him. My heart alwaysfeels its own when I get a message from him but I'm proud to say that my feelings have diminished, because you have to know that it's not easy to forget someone you've loved for years. I know that I am unable to stop loving him, such a strong love cannot be entirely forgotten. I would love him much less and one day, I hope, I will eventually open up to someone else and let that person love me.

It's still a horrible thing, one-way love. We suffer alone, we feel alone and we love alone. We make incredible films and scenarios and interpret all his actions wrong. But I can say that it is a beautiful thing anyway.

Yes, we love for two, and unfortunately sometimes we find ourselves alone in bed at night crying because the one we love with all our strength does not love us as we would like.

This one-way love to its disadvantages, we suffer a lot. We suffer so much that we hurt ourselves... We go through different states and we want to hurt ourselves to show that we are not well and that we just want to receive love and affection. We scream for a few minutes in our pillow to empty and pass all his feelings in the hope that they will leave with it. We tell ourselves that we will stop hurting ourselves for nothing by arguing with this person and forgetting him but even if we want him with all our strength, we come back to him again and again.

This person may not deserve to be in such a state, I recognize. This person may never suspect the evil in which one puts himself simply because he cannot understand it and one cannot blame him. We can't blame her because she can never love someone like we could love her.

We may be making and mistakes, but we always get up, only tonight thanks to someone who opens our eyes or ourselves.

We may forget ourselves, we may love so much, but we may listen to all the advice of the world, the only thing that will allow us to forget and not love this person so strongly is perhaps our perseverance but not. What will make one forget this average person we've clung to is time. Yes, yes, that stupid time!

Time has allowed me to see how stupid and weak I could have been. It allowed me to question myself and allow me to find myself. I have matured with this love and now this love belongs to the past. I don't know how I was totally transparent... I listened to my friends, cried countless times in my mother's arms, told this story in detail to anyone who wanted to hear it, saw many sad and distressed faces for me but I am proud of how far I have come.

I ended up just leaving it behind me. I kind of managed to give up that person and I was getting myself from him, far behind me. This decision allowed me to love myself, to understand my character, to discover who I am inside. I turned this love into something so small that I was able to throw it over my shoulder to allow me to move forward without.

**

I'm proud of myself. Proud of what this love has made of me, and the person I am today. I'm not afraid to love again, but I'm not ready to give my heart to someone because I think they also need time to recover from this story. He has suffered so much, been mistreated and rejected that I don't think I'm open to a relationship but I don't suffer anymore, I'm soothed.

I have at my side the best friends I can have, who support me and give me strength. I have a loving family always behind me and proud to see me happy above all.

And that person, yes, the person I loved is always part of my life. She was relegated to the second see even third plane because it does not count any more than before but I understood that I needed her in my life despite everything. This person will have a special place in my heart that no one can ever take: my first love.

**

To you, yes you. I love you and nothing will change that. I've changed, so I owe you, so thank you. But you'll never have that hold on me again, I'm not the same. You have allowed me to find myself and I am grateful and know that no one will be able to love you as much as I could love you. I gave you all the love I could and even though I suffered a lot, thank you. Thank you for making me evolve and I wish with all my heart that you realize all that I could do for you because there are many things that you did not deserve but that were granted to you. You have this special place in my life and you will always have it.

**

If I have anything to say to myself, it is that I am stronger than I can think and that I have the right to be selfish because no one deserves to take my vital essence: my joie de vivre. I am finally me, with my flaws and qualities, I am a beautiful person and above all I can move forward serenely.

- Melora.