18 CHAPTER 18: The Lost Memory

[Clerence Cartwright]

I couldn't explain how grateful I was to hear such news, even though it was not perfect.

Sasha will wake up.

My mind crooned without stopping. She's been sleeping for almost a month and it was torturing for me to live with guilt every day. All I could do for her was pray and as can be seen, it seemed to work.

_____

While waiting for the clock to strike 10, I sat in my own room and strolled through the Internet absentmindedly. But soon, everything seemed boring to me, so I withdrew from the platforms and subconsciously selected my notepad.

The wishes which I'd noted down that day came into view. But something was missing.

Why were there only 5 wishes left? Where were the rest?

As I began to rummage through my mind for more clues or even answers, Hans' claim about his dream soon rang in my head.

He said something about Sasha and me, kissing. And also, Sasha and me, teaching Kayla a lesson. The last wish came into view and that turned my face red.

Tell Clerence that I love him.

"Forget it. It might be some other girl anyway," I told myself.

Glancing up at the clock, it was time for me to pray. Hence, I turned the notepad into sleep mode before heading to my room, settling my device by the bedside lamp.

As soon as I finished my prayers, I managed myself up when bearing the pain that surrounded my knees. The soft mattress welcomed my heavy and tired body as I dozed off quickly. The lights were still on by the way, yet I was too exhausted to get up and shut them out.

Sweet dreams, or rather, dream nothing, Clerence…

***

[Xxxxx Xxxxxxx]

It was so painful, the moment when they tried to take my memory away was so torturously painful. And ironically, the pain was because of someone trying to delay or prevent the time of my last breath.

My blurry vision and hearing was blocking me from regaining my strength as well as consciousness, until I could feel someone shaking my crouched body on the cold floor.

Not long after, I could hear hums instead of words. Isabelle's anxious expression entered my point of view at last, but her mouth was shaping only a word. Her eyes showed panic and worry.

"What happened?" I asked with my hoarse voice. My throat hurt from screaming. "My voice, oh gosh, I sound like a grandma," I commented in a joking way but Isabelle did not laugh at that.

Her eyes were red with her tears flowing non-stop out of her eye sockets. What was she crying about?

Her lips shaped the same word when she called at me again. But it turned out to be a hum for me. "They took your memory, Xxxxx." What was the last word again? Why couldn't I hear the last word?

"They took what?" I asked.

"Your memory…" sobbed Isabelle as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I'd tried to stop them, but they controlled me..."

But everything sounded fine for me - I could remember Isabelle, I could remember why I could feel pain during the process. I could even remember those keepers' faces. So what was wrong with my memory?

"Xxxxx." Her lips mouthed a word which I couldn't hear again. "You can't remember your own name now."

"What's my name?" There I muttered to myself, realisation hit me like a hard brick. "Why can't I remember?" My fingers enclosed and turned into fists, grabbing my hair on both sides when pure frustration began to haunt me. "What will happen if I can't remember my name?"

"That means you are more than 50% not able to wake up..." This answer pierced my heart nice and clean like an arrow until I could feel the extinguishing light of hope in my mind. "The only thing you can do now is to fulfill all of your wishes, and find your name throughout the journey."

How much does it take for someone to lose hope entirely? I wondered how much. With tears brimming down my own cheeks, I got onto my feet and headed to my room. As I reached my own bed, I let my emotions beat me and hunch down by the mattress, weeping silently.

***

[The First Ever Third Person]

She was sobbing with her tears staining nothing but her own cheeks. Her shoulders shuddered when she sniffled, as if a ghost needed oxygen to survive too. A mere light appeared behind her, forming a flat oval in the air before a figure walked out of it soundlessly.

Unlike the aura surrounding those keepers, this "person" carried a friendly one instead. His figure was coated with soft, white light which made him look like a moving beam of light. The expression of hurt flashed across his dark eyes when he took in every single detail of this room.

Heaving out a sigh which can barely be heard, he walks and half-floats towards the crying girl's soul. "You sound like a howling dead, my dear granddaughter," he comments, landing his wrinkled palm on the girl's head. "Do not give up your hope so quickly, my little girl. It sometimes would stop by and wait for your acceptance. All you need is the courage to try and seek hope."

The girl ceased crying and eventually looked up. "Grandpa?" She mumbled with her nasal tone. Her eyes watery but full of joy at the sight of her lovely grandfather. Without denying those opened arms, she quickly got up and dove into it, giving the old man her biggest hug with genuine love. "I miss you so much," she whispered with a chuckle, yet her tears were still wetting her face.

"Shadows should be strong. It is flowing in our blood, regardless of our forms - soul or human," said the old man firmly while patting his granddaughter's back.

As both of them broke the embrace, the girl led out a bright smile. She's no longer crying as her heart was now filled with the sense of safety and the light of hope. "I won't let you down, grandpa. I will find my way."

"That's the spirit I want to see, Xxxxx my girl." The grandfather praised while ruffling the girl's head. The sound of her name still remained unheard. "Shadows should be strong. This is what I have taught your father."

She gulped when she heard about her father. She remembered herself ignoring her parents' phone call after making the decision to leave home. She was on a plane, waiting for it to take off and bring her far away.

Even so, her parents would give her occasional calls though not as frequent as the beginning. By then, she regretted not answering even one call. She could have talked to them about her shitty college life or anything she wanted to say. The thought that they did not even know she was hospitalised pricked her heart like a needle. "I will remember each and every word, grandpa." The girl promised confidently as she managed her studious tone.

"Good." He patted her back encouragingly with a satisfied look. "Well, I have to go now. Do not forget that grandpa will always be there with you, in here." As cliche as it could be, the grandfather pointed at his chest as he tried to convey what he meant. "Once you are awaked, go home. You do not deserve to live a life like this."

"I have learnt my lesson," answered the girl truthfully. "I'll see you when I see you, grandpa." She bid, giving the old man her last hug and watching him disappear in her embrace. "Shadows… My family name is Shadows."

She immediately scrambled to her desk and searched for a pen and paper, though she knew she cannot touch everything.

"I just need to try," she murmured under her breath until she saw a photograph shielded inside a broken photo frame. The word "Shadows" was carved in block letters on the wooden surface.

Now that she realised this frame was handmade and could not be replaced. And the person who made this was no doubt - her cordial and loving grandfather.