79 Sylvie's Lullaby

"Why is it that you can't sleep?" Yeon asked. Her tone was gentle and by no means demanding.

"…" Sylvie, who usually answered immediately, did not respond and instead peered into Yeon's eyes.

Yeon wore a faint smile that made her eyes curve lightly - Kind eyes, full of concern and encouragement.

"Would you prefer it if you couldn't see me, or would you like to talk while facing me?" Yeon's slender fingers held Sylvie's hands.

Sylvie felt her warmth.

"But if it's really too much, you don't need to talk. I'll still do the best I can to help you sleep and I won't be hurt or offended by your decision."

Sylvie felt Yeon's thumb softly knead her hand in a circular motion as if Yeon were trying to remind her that she was there for her.

Yeon's eyes that were full of goodwill and tenderness felt foreign to Sylvie. Deep within the void that was her heart, she was unsettled by that kindness.

Alien emotions and unfamiliar treatment, like a fear of the unknown, it was difficult to get used to.

Yeon read those sentiments hidden behind that veil of apathy and she repositioned herself.

She leaned back against the wall where it met the bed and seated Sylvie between her legs.

Sylvie was led into Yeon's embrace as she rested her head on top of Yeon's soft bosom. She felt impossibly comfortable as she sank into those large mounds that gave off a sweet scent.

It was a pose that a mother might take with her child when reading a bedtime story.

This way, Sylvie could feel Yeon, but she wouldn't have to stare into her eyes.

"Is this better?"

Sylvie who was leaning into Yeon stared up at the ceiling she had become familiar with.

"…Yes, Master."

"Now, take your time. If you fall asleep, that's fine too. If you don't want to talk that's fine too. But really-"

Yeon wrapped her arms around Sylvie, hugging her like an oversized plush toy.

Sylvie's body was hard with a lack of muscle and fat.

"I would love it if you decided to trust me…"

A delicate voice of a woman, smooth and clear, brushed across her ears.

It was just louder than a whisper as Yeon took into consideration how close they were.

"I'm going to be here for you now. I want to be here for you."

Sylvie felt the arms wrapped around her give her a gentle squeeze.

"And if you drop those castle walls around your heart and mind, I'll be here to protect you from anything the world might throw at you. But that doesn't mean I'm invincible."

Yeon chuckled lightly and the vibrations travelled to the back of Sylvie's head. Her laughter was like a siren song that musicians would sell their souls to compose.

"I damn nearly died just the other day…"

Yeon smiled as she thought of the far-off future. She wasn't sure what it would hold, but she did know that there were people she wanted in that future.

"But I do want that strength. Invincible, no, infallible to the extent that I can protect you and myself from everything this harsh world has to offer. And when I look over the world at the apex, I would like you to be there with me."

Sylvie closed her eyes as she listened to Yeon speak, feeling and listening to the warmth in her voice and body.

"Not as the 'slave I once knew', but as a 'companion I still know'. Beside me and the people I care about."

Yeon smiled at the thought of such a happy future. Surely, his sister would become good friends with Mia and Emily too.

"Because, Sylvie, I care for you too. More than I would like to admit…"

"…Why?"

It was a question from the heart. She even forgot her usual address of 'Master'.

"Maybe it's because you remind me of myself…. But…"

Yeon sighed as she pressed the back of her head against the wall. She wasn't too sure herself. She was never good with emotions in the first place.

She was very good at saying what the other person wanted to hear to get what she wanted, but this was different from that.

A heart-to-heart talk, how long had it been?

"Why not? Why do I even need a reason? Is you being here, with me, not enough of a reason? Is having survived, not reason enough to care for you?"

"…" There was no response from Sylvie who still had her eyes closed. Her breathing was slow and deep as if she were meditating.

"So, Sylvie, is that good enough for you?"

It wasn't a taunting question or a ridicule of her remark. It was a plea from one girl wanting to help another.

"… I dream," Sylvie finally said.

Her closed eyes could recall with vivid perfection those dreams and memories.

She opened her eyes to disperse those dark thoughts, but she could still hear the ghastly sound of her nightmares.

She focused on Yeon's breath to block out that noise.

The way her breasts would lightly lift her head up and down.

The breeze that would filter through her hair whenever Yeon breathed out.

She focused on the sounds Yeon made as she breathed and hugged her.

"And when I die in those dreams, I wake up."

It was a simple explanation.

Her voice was steady and indifferent as if she were reading from a dull book.

But behind those simple words lay a world of suffering and trauma.

"I see…"

There were no words of consolation or pity. Yeon merely affirmed Sylvie and expressed that she had heard what Sylvie had to say.

Yeon wondered if Sylvie re-experienced her torture every time she slept.

Whether what a moment of rest was for others, was just a reliving of torment for her.

Could she still feel those burning marks across her face when she entered her dreamland?

Those very same burns that adorned her entire body?

What of the marks of ripped skin where she had been whipped and battered?

Could she still feel those blunt swings?

Those heartless blows, fierce enough to crack her bones…

Cruel enough to gift her an eternal limp…

Maybe Sylvie would tell Yeon one day, but preferably, she wouldn't need to.

Not as a denial or amnesia of her past, but as an acknowledgement that her everyday life was not consumed by it. That she wouldn't need to live in the past but could focus her mind on the present and future.

"…"

"…"

They shared a moment of silence together interrupted only by the subtle sounds of their matched breaths and shared warmth.

Yeon remembered how Sylvie would always curl up into a ball as she slept, clinging to herself.

"I'm going to do something that my Ma used to do for me when I was a kid."

Yeon got up and moved underneath the covers.

She raised the cover up like a tent, inviting Sylvie inside to lay beside her.

"…" Sylvie silently watched Yeon, but as Yeon pat the empty area beside her, Sylvie moved in to join her.

Just as Sylvie prepared to curl up, Yeon pulled Sylvie in by her waist so that her face was sandwiched between Yeon's bosoms.

Sylvie looked up to see Yeon's cheeky smile looking down on her, her red eyes sparkling under the moonlight that made its way through the window.

She couldn't help but think that compared to her ugly, scarred face, the one in front of her was impossibly beautiful like an incarnation of a Goddess.

"I want you to focus only on my voice. Don't think of anything else."

Sylvie gave Yeon a short nod and closed her eyes as Yeon began to sing her lullaby.

It was one that her mother used to sing for her when she was little and still took an interest in her.

Yeon's voice rang out.

Her voice was delicate and personal as she sang a song for a single audience.

Sylvie felt the silvery voice clearing her mind like a gust of purification.

The melody was simple and honest, one without words.

Yet that was its charm.

There were no superfluous changes in pitch or complicated dynamics to show off Yeon's talent in singing. The song was not made to impress but rather to act as a background for the listener.

Sylvie focused on the dulcet tones, but like a fog, the melody passed over her. The lullaby was one she had never heard before, yet it felt like she had listened to it her entire life.

It was comforting, soulful, and intimate.

It was full of emotions that soothed and pleased, yet to Sylvie, those pleasant melodies sounded apologetic.

But she knew that it was not an apology meant for her.

It made her wonder what Yeon's mother was so sorry about that she had sung this for Yeon.

As Sylvie sank into Yeon's hypnotic voice, tricked into a relaxation that she had long forgotten, she felt her insides lurching.

*Gasp*

It felt like her heart had dropped down to her stomach and a tsunami of uneasiness was crushing her.

Desperate tears filled her open eyes, and she began to hyperventilate.

Perhaps it was the realization that this song was originally never meant for her, but overwhelming anxiety rushed over her.

As Sylvie tried to push Yeon away in an attempt to curl up, Yeon responded by hugging her wheezing body tighter.

Yeon didn't panic along with Sylvie but instead used her free hand to hold Sylvie's face.

The gentleness that Yeon was offering Sylvie, and the comfort that she was experiencing suddenly became terrifying.

If her years of suffering were akin to drowning, then Yeon had become a source of relief from that breathlessness, a bubble of air.

But Sylvie was stricken with fear.

What if the bubble popped?

What if it ran out of air?

She had long since forgotten the luxury of breathing.

If it was like that, then wouldn't it be too cruel to experience it once again just for it to be mercilessly taken away?

How could she know if Yeon's trust and care would not be fleeting?

"Look at me, Sylvie," Yeon called out to her in a voice that was both steady and tender.

Sylvie kept gasping for air but her shaking eyes looked up to Yeon.

"Follow my breathing, take a deep breath in--- and out---"

Yeon never looked away from the panicking Sylvie and Sylvie met Yeon's eyes that never wavered.

"Breath in--- and out---, good girl, just like that," Yeon encouraged as she pet Sylvie's head.

Sylvie eased her insecurity by confirming Yeon's expression and the smile that had never left her face.

It was like a mother coddling a child, telling her that everything was going to be ok.

"I'm here for you, Sylvie."

"It's going to be ok."

"Shhh, go ahead and cry in my arms."

Yeon repeatedly assured Sylvie and comforted the lonely girl.

As Sylvie's breathing finally returned to its normal pace, a fresh wave of fatigue hit her.

She focused on Yeon's hands that never once stopped rubbing her head and back.

Taking in those loving consolations, she closed her eyes and fell asleep in Yeon's embrace.