16 ""I'll Remember You""

Yeon looked at her face but she was staring into the ground near Yeon's feet.

She didn't move despite Yeon standing in front of her cage and showed no reaction whatsoever.

Her silver eyes reflected a light purple or sapphire depending on the angle.

But they felt pitch black.

Compared to the eyes of the other slaves who were stained black with hatred, revenge, sadness, hers were simply black.

They were like a deathly abyss, a void.

The eery lack of emotions in her eyes sent shivers down slave trader's spine.

"She's doesn't feel particularly pleasant to look at. A bit creepy if I say so myself. Shall we move one, young master?"

Yeon ignored the fat man once again and continued examining the girl.

That 'creepiness' was extremely familiar to Yeon.

It was what drew him to her.

"What's her name?" He finally asked the slave trader knowing that she would never look up to him otherwise.

"Her name is Sylvie, young master."

"Sylvie." He called out to her.

"…"

"Sylvie…"

She looked up at Yeon.

"Are you my new master?" She asked Yeon in a nonchalant voice. It was as if she wasn't fazed at all by her situation.

Yeon didn't reply but instead met her gaze.

He looked into her dull silver eyes and they peered back into his piercing red eyes.

Her hollow, lifeless gaze seemed like a chasm that sucked the viewer in. They were silver in colour but they felt like space itself.

He closed his eyes momentarily.

He thought back to his memories as Beatrice.

He thought back to her trauma and how she ended.

The apathy she felt and the tremendous loneliness that hid behind that depression.

The feeling of her homemade cloth string around her neck as she felt her life ebbing away.

Her eyes losing vision as her brain blacked out.

Her dangling feet.

Suicide.

Death.

He relived her suffering.

Reexperienced her trauma.

He drowned in her null emotions and apathy.

He opened his eyes again to meet the silver eyes of the girl.

Their lifeless eyes were haunting, and they seemed to care of nothing in the world.

There was no hatred and anger for the indignation suffered, no sadness and grief that was proof of their suffering.

These were the eyes of the living dead.

Eyes that had moved on from living, apathetic eyes that simply accepted.

She widened her eyes slightly, recognizing his eyes.

They opened their mouths, their words matching.

""I'll remember you…""

*****

"Haha, it truly is a pity. It seemed as if someone would finally take her off my hands."

"Sorry, I'm not in a position to buy a slave. As I said before. I was simply just looking." Yeon explained.

"I understand. I was planning on having her… terminated, but I will be keeping her aside for this esteemed young master." He bowed politely despite Yeon not buying anyone.

He was a businessman through and through.

"I never said anything about buying."

"Hahaha, but how could I? She seemed to like you as well, young master… But I understand. Have a good rest of the night." The slave-trader greeted Yeon off as he walked away.

His creepy smile lingered for a moment as he stared at Yeon's departing back before he returned inside the tent.

Yeon thought back to the girl in the cage.

"Sylvie…"

His expression and gait were the same as always, but his aura felt more somber.

Even though it was for a short moment, Yeon fully embodied Beatrice. It was as if he became her for that short moment.

He felt himself change radically during their short exchange, and even now when he wasn't purposefully trying to embrace Beatrice's persona, he felt her influence on him strengthen.

"That was dangerous…"

He was Yeon, an individual separate from Adil and Beatrice.

But he was also inherently interconnected to them on a spiritual level, he had no choice but to be. He was the result of combining their souls.

He still felt affection for his Elder Sister Elia, and if someone were to ask whether he liked Cinder and Auntie Gemma, he would immediately answer yes as well.

It was inevitable since he had their memories.

But even though he had their memories, it was different from wallowing in it.

Let's say that you had an embarrassing moment in your life.

That doesn't mean that you're embarrassed for the remainder of your life, but neither does it mean that you will forget this memory and those emotions.

Most likely, the opposite will happen. You will think back constantly to this memory before falling asleep, or while washing yourself.

You will come to understand how you made a mistake to bring about this embarrassment and prevent it from happening again in the future.

You learn and grow from this process.

By actively recalling and thinking back on this memory, your behaviour could change and your outlook on certain matters could change accordingly as well.

Strong and important memories are recalled more often, and they have a greater influence on your character and development.

It was like expanding the concept of learning from your mistakes to encompass all aspects of your life, not just your negatives.

You learn from anything, but you have to think actively, ponder over it to learn: The act of cognition is prerequisite to any form of learning.

Yeon thought that the same thing applied here as well.

Active recall is the best way to remember and learn.

If he reminisced about certain parts of his memories actively, then they would have a greater influence on his character.

Forcing himself to remember their emotions and thought processes would make him think about it more, and by having these thoughts, he becomes influenced by them.

If he constantly thought back to the Sister Elia's smile, her kind and cheerful character, then his love for her would grow stronger.

If he allowed himself to wallow in the misery of Adil or Beatrice, then he too would become miserable.

It was as simple as that.

That was why what he had just done was dangerous.

Usually when he thought back to Beatrice's life, it was to better understand who she was and through that, understand how she influenced himself and see how she shaped him.

Instead this time, he actively focused on the most traumatic parts of her life to embody her emotional response to trauma.

He hadn't fully realized the consequences of his actions.

'It's like a fast-track to depression…'

'Beatrice and Adil were the polar opposite in terms of character, but they only shared one common factor and that's their loneliness…'

Yeon wasn't entirely sure why he had done it either.

He could have just been swept along by the situation and his emotions.

Maybe he wanted to comfort the girl, tell her that she wasn't alone, that he understood her and acknowledged her loneliness and pain.

But at the end of the day, it stopped at that.

The girl was still in the cage, and he had walked out of the tent.

Despite what the slave trader had suggested, he had no plans of ever returning to such a vile place.

"I shouldn't recklessly do something like that again. I might get swallowed up by their trauma and develop in a similar manner to them."

"And their ends were both the same…"

'I can't let myself fall into that path!' He lightly slapped his cheeks to wake himself up, but the change had already occurred.

'Maybe if I think back to their happy memories, it'll cancel out?

He immediately tried while he was walking in the general direction of the inn and felt his mood elevate.

But once he stopped reminiscing about those short moments in their lives, after a short while his somber feeling returned.

'As if it's as simple as that.'

'That would be like telling a depressed patient to 'Think about happy things!' and expecting their underlying sadness to suddenly go away or giving them some antidepressants and thinking that they've been cured.'

Yeon sighed.

He pitied both Beatrice and Adil.

Fortunately, Adil's trauma had been mostly resolved and Yeon could move to make amends and lessen his conscience.

Adil's trauma stemmed from his isolation and guilt towards his family. But Yeon was now free from his isolation that came in the form of bullying and he could resolve his guilt, bit by bit.

He wouldn't be able to do it as Adil, but he could also move to help Elia and his father as Yeon.

"I should participate in the Disciple Trials." He concluded

He had initially told this as a lie to the guard to get into the city, but he felt that it wouldn't be a bad idea to follow through.

He knew everything about the sect, and he would get to see Auntie Gemma and Cinder again.

He was worried about how they were doing. Especially Cinder, she was heavily dependent on Adil since she was a kitten, and there was a high likelihood of her getting bullied since she was a black cat.

"She can hunt her own food though, right? She is a cat at the end of the day…"

There were other benefits to joining a sect as well.

'Moving into a sect is the fastest way to increase your strength. Although I'll need contribution points to buy them, they have all the necessary resources for a cultivator at my realm.'

'And most importantly, they can protect me while I'm still weak.'

'Once I'm sufficiently strong, I can directly graduate into the Divine Sword Sect.'

'That way I can check on both my sister and father and can help them from the inside.'

This way, he could treat Adil's trauma.

But Beatrice's trauma was different.

Her trauma arose from her mindset whereas Adil's was situational and heavily dependent on his circumstances.

Yeon could move to break down those circumstances that cornered Adil, but what cornered Beatrice was her own thoughts.

In other words:

'If I end up getting influenced by Beatrice too much, then I don't know how to escape that same downward spiral. '

'I'll still be Yeon, but I'll have the same issues that Beatrice did…'

He couldn't let that happen.

This was his life, he couldn't let them ruin his life.