6 Chapter 6

It soon became clear to Leif that there are other, much less pleasant sides, to his position as the king's personal guardsman. He reached this conclusion when King Olaf requested his company at church on Sunday, and to Leif's claims of not being a Christian, replied with great seriousness:

"I cannot, and do not intend to force you to accept the light of the Christian faith, Leif, although it is certain that my duty as a good Christian is to pray for your soul, so that you might see the true path of Jesus, our Saviour. The least I can do is encourage you to step into the doors of the church, which are open to all, and hope the truth will glimmer in your heart and make you leave the ways of pagan worship, as I have left them myself."

And so it was that Leif found himself among the church pews, listening to a sermon that made various feelings rise inside him, from wonder and doubt, to mild curiosity and sometimes outbreaks of mirth he had to conceal as fits of coughing - under the watchful eye of the king, who looked as if he were highly interested in Leif's reaction to everything that was said.

The priest, Father Wilhelm, was a small, lean man with long straw-colored hair that looked as if it hadn't been washed in at least a year. But his voice, surprisingly for such a small man, was loud and deep, and his speech energetic and full of impact.

"God made a covenant with the people of Israel," he declared, "but the Israelites have sinned again and again, and worshiped idols, and bowed to statues. And so the Lord of the Universe dissolved this covenant with His unruly children. He sent into this world of sin his only son, our Lord Jesus, who was crucified and accepted torment and death to pay for all our sins. And here is the wonderful message: he who acknowledges Jesus as his savior, is forgiven for all his sins - and it is clear we have all sinned, are sinning, and will continue to sin, even while our soul longs for the wonderful qualities of the Savior. And it is said in the New Testament, in the book of Mark: He who is baptized shall be saved, but he who is not baptized shall not be saved. So hurry and accept the walk hand in hand with Jesus, our good Lord, who waits for nothing more than to embrace us all in his boundless mercy and lead us straight to the base of the Heavenly Throne! Hurry and spread the message of Jesus to all those near you, all your kin and friends. And since any man who does not accept the faith in our lord Jesus, and pushes away the wonderful gift of atonement for all sin, has but one outcome - an eternity in hell - it is permitted and even encouraged to press and convince him until he accepts the true Christian faith, and even by using power, for it is obviously for his own good."

In his mind, with surprising and unexpected clarity, Leif saw once again the image of Nathan Ben Yosef, the Jew he accidentally met during his travels. Only because of this man he actually knew who were those "Israelites" the priest mentioned, and the bitter words of the Jew from that one and only meeting of theirs echoed in his ears again.

"You will meet the Christians yet," Ben Yosef had said, "and hear what they say. These days, it cannot be otherwise. Their gospel sounds convincing. They took our holy writings, made off with them, and twisted and rewrote them so that they will fit their purpose. They talk of peace and justice, but their ways are the same ways of brutal power as of peoples who do not claim to be so very righteous. They are trying to make us accept their faith and abandon ours, at swordpoint.

I tell you this, Leif Erikson, because you seem like a good man, and a thinking man, unlike many," added Ben Yosef, and then his voice was lowered to a whisper. "There is one God, one Creator of the universe, and he is your father and mine, and the father of all men - and to live by his will you need not join any religious circle, but only believe in Him and live without deceit, murder or fornication. You will probably forget my words soon, but I am certain you will recall them when your way brings you to church."

Leif listened more intently. He attempted to understand what the priest was saying, but there was no true sense in his word. It was all one great jumble to him. He has always been a man of sense, and the gods of Asgard amused him in their inclinations and sins, which were so human - material desires, power struggles, betrayals, promiscuity, battles and intrigues. He found no sense in magic rituals, whispers and fortune-telling, either. Sometimes he wondered whether there is any higher power at all - or whether, perhaps, destinies are randomly entwined in a world full of suffering, loss, death, torrents of blood and various turns, some of which are terrible and some glorious. The beautiful and the ugly, the brave, the good and the evil walked hand in hand so often that there could not be, Leif thought, a god so insane as to put it all together. Such thoughts made him feel very lonely. It was much easier to believe at least in something, no matter if these should be the jealous and manipulative gods of Asgard his fathers worshiped so faithfully, or the innocent, patient Savior Father Wilhelm talked of with so much religious ardour.

His glance fell upon the face of Princess Thorgunna, who sat not far from him, and a sudden pain pierced his heart when he saw the expression she wore - an expression of pure faith, of longing for something that cannot be expressed in words. Her eyes stared at Father Wilhelm, but it was easy to see her soul had taken flight above the polished wooden pews and thick walls of the semi-dark church, and was now wandering far and high above, in worlds quite apart from this one, seeking for something pure and beautiful which is alone worth living for. The passionate glow of her soul put a light in her face which was far higher, purer than her natural earthly beauty. Her eyes moistened with emotion and her lips trembled when Father Wilhelm talked of forgiveness, acceptance and boundless love, which may be expected by those who walk through the gates of Christ. Unconsciously, her hand rose and rested upon the ornate, gem-studded golden cross that adorned her neck. For her, it was all true, and she saw it all in the eyes of her mind. The priest's words lit within her a fire of ardent faith, a faith that had very little in common with the slightly bored righteousness of the king, whose face was expressionless as he listened to the speech made by Father Wilhelm.

Perhaps women simply need this - to believe in something, and it doesn't matter very much what, Leif thought to himself at the end of the sermon, when everybody got up and the crowd of believers began chanting a song in Latin, of which he didn't understand even half a word. Perhaps all they need is innocent faith. In this world, the men are active. They fight and make decisions, while women are expected to accept, during the whole course of their life, the rule of a man, be it their father or husband. They cannot do much by themselves. In such a position, how comforting it must be to believe that the world is run in a good and righteous way, though perhaps we cannot see it!

When the crowd began to disperse, its movements left Leif and Princess Thorgunna close to one another. Her face was now serene, but a special glow was still about it, refusing to disappear.

"Well, Leif Erikson," she said while he walked slowly by her side, behind the king who was deep in conversation with some people of his retinue. "What do you think of the wonderful words Father Wilhelm gifted us with today?"

"They were very interesting," Leif said evasively.

"Interesting?" her eyes were narrowed. "Is that all you have to say?"

"If the princess means to ask," he said, "whether, after I heard Father Wilhelm's sermon, I feel an irresistible urge to run and beg to be baptized, the answer is no."

"In that case, you are an incorrigible pagan!" cried the princess. "I have no other way of explaining your ignorance of the wonderful revelation that floated within the church walls until not long ago. Everyone felt it. I doubt there was a dry eye in the crowd."

"Me, an incorrigible pagan? Not at all," said Leif. "On the contrary, I have always respected the customs of our fathers, but I was never ardent in my worship."

Thorgunna looked pleased enough with his answer.

"You simply have doubts, then," she said. "You must continue visiting the church, and eventually you will see the pure light that is spread by Father Wilhelm's words."

"The princess speaks from her heart, and I from my mind," said Leif, politely inclining his head. "With all honesty, I don't know whether my desire to analyze everything is a power or a weakness, but always, when it comes to matters of faith, I have endless questions, and more often than not they aren't satisfied. Who is this Jesus Father Wilhelm praises so faithfully?"

"God's own son," Thorgunna said willingly, "who was sent into our land of sorrow to bring a message of truth and atone for all our sins. His holy mother, Virgin Mary, was innocent when she conceived Lord Jesus."

Leif suppressed a slight smile, for he felt he might offend the girl's innocent faith, but a stubborn expression appeared upon his face - and Thorgunna caught herself thinking, despite herself, that this expression becomes his strong and manly features.

"But this isn't a new story, princess," he said. "In the legends of almost all people it is told of gods who planted their seed in the wombs of mortal women, and brought giants and heroes into this world. There are tales of the god Odin - "

"Here we do not talk of petty fake gods," said Thorgunna, "but of the one true God, who sacrified, with endless love, his only son to save our souls from an imminent curse. And it isn't about the lust of a god or a demon for a woman of flesh and blood - but only by God's will, without any physical act, the new life was planted in Mary's womb."

"She was untouched?" Once more, Leif was trying his best not to smile. "Well, that is a better story than some maids would come up with."

Thorgunna frowned angrily. "This is sacrilegious talk, Leif."

"To be sacrilegious," he insisted, "I must at least know what I speak against. The words of Father Wilhelm?"

"The words of God," Thorgunna replied quickly, "which can be read, for our comfort, in the Sacred books - which were written down by the disciples themselves, those who walked by Jesus during his pure and holy life."

"Ah," said Leif. "The holy books. Well, they must be written in Latin. Can you read Latin, Princess?"

"I know a little Latin," Thorgunna said modestly, "enough to understand the song of praise in the church liturgy, but not enough to read the New Testament in its entirety."

"Well, I cannot read at all," said Leif. "The tradition of our fathers has passed by word of mouth, but here we talk of a mysterious faith written down upon parchment, in a language understood by only a few of our people. And may I ask, Princess, where did this Jesus come from?"

"Our Lord Jesus was born in Bethlehem, in Jerusalem," said Thorgunna, wondering at the question. It was difficult for her tongue to pronounce the foreign names, but Leif recognized them still. They, too, were mentioned in that long, long gone and unexpected conversation with Nathan Ben Yossef, whom he now recalled so often. Jerusalem, the capital of Israel, was the heart of the old Jewish land, a land they still prayed and hoped to return to. The longing for a faraway land was something Leif could understand. His heart was always drawn to the west, to unknown shores - and ever since he saw the coast of Vinland for the first time, he always wanted to return there once again. Even the bounty of nature he and his people found there - wild wheat and grapes - were akin to what the Jews discovered when they first stepped into the Promised Land.

"As far as I understand, Jesus was a Jew," said Leif, "not a Roman, and so it is more likely that he recorded his thoughts in the tongue of the Jews, and not in Latin. What of those works that came before the New Testament?"

"The Old Testament was translated by the first people of the church from Hebrew into Greek, and later into Latin," said Thorgunna.

Leif shrugged. "Translations almost always mean mistakes," he said, "and here, we talk of writings which had been translated twice, and then explained by Father Wilhelm according to his own understanding. And now tell me, Princess, what is it exactly that I must believe in?"

Thorgunna looked at him with a frown again. "Must I understand from this that you doubt our good Father Wilhelm?"

"All I mean to say," said Leif, "is that the message of Jesus, be it what it may, passed many hands until it reached my ears at church today. Forgive me, Princess, but I cannot ignore a natural sense of suspicion I feel towards a faith which can be truly understood only by a few learned priests, while the rest of us are at the mercy of their interpretation."

"The holy priests are messengers of God," said Thorgunna, though her voice wasn't very confident. "They are a link between us and our Heavenly Father."

"But even if we ignore my doubts regarding the written sources of this new faith," Leif went on, disregarding her last remark, "there are still many questions. If there is one God, who is all truth and justice, why did he need to send his son into this world to save us? And if it is true we were saved by this son, how does that appear to the eye? A thousand years have passed since the birth of Jesus, is it not so? Why is there no less suffering in the world, why does all go on as usual?"

"Only our souls are saved, until Jesus returns amongst us again," said Thorgunna, but felt her words weren't very convincing.

"Well, I do not feel saved," declared Leif, "and I do not believe my soul will be saved, if it is at all possible in this world, among the church walls."

"You must converse with Father Wilhelm," said Thorgunna, "I am certain he will answer all your questions much better than I can."

"Do I seem like a man who can spend hours conversing with a priest?" replied Leif, no longer denying his being vastly amused.

"The way I see it, there is no man who cannot find his place in the Christian faith," said Thorgunna, "and what comfort must this be to those who inhabit Greenland - a place so remote, so sparsely populated and so cold, with no settlements but those that were founded by your father and his men!"

The thoughts of Leif wandered off to the land where he grew up, Greenland, a place to which his father had dedicated his entire life, a place which he considered his true homeland. He saw in his mind's eye the giant glaciers covering most of the country, and the south shores, which enjoyed warm currents in season. He recalled the regal fjords of which the shore line consisted, of the almost endless fall of mountains; the white bears and northern reindeer walking among the glaciers and in the sparse forests that were still left in the south; the Skraelings, whose mysterious ways were attractive and repulsive at once; and most of all the people, people of brave hearts and free, honest spirit, who were banished from their home and found a new home under the leadership of his father.

All those he grew up with, his father and brothers, the places where he had played, where he first began to hunt, where he turned from a small boy to a young lad, and later became a man; the shores that pulled his eyes and his heart away, to the west, and all the journeys he had made, led by the desire to find out what the misty horizon hides - the joy of discovery, and the sweetness of returning home, to all his loved ones, and to the corner where he and Maura had lived during five happy years which lit up his life, just as a rare ray of sunshine lights up a winter day... people who don't know him well enough might call him a Norwegian or an Icelander, but the truth was, that he didn't and couldn't have a truer home than Brattahlid in Greenland.

"I believe the princess doesn't picture Greenland very accurately," he said eventually. "Greenland is not an empty, silent desert of frost. The climate is harsh, even cruel, of course, but it is a beautiful land. My late wife, who was brought up in a land far warmer than Norway, came to Brattahlid by choice and loved the place very much."

A deep and sincere expression of surprise appeared on Thorgunna's face.

"You had been married? I did not know that."

She didn't know and couldn't know, either, that this was one of the few times in which Leif had mentioned Maura, of his own free will, since she passed away. Something had dulled in his eyes, as if a candle was blown out, and she noticed it, but he made an effort to continue smiling.

"Well," he said, "I am not important enough to have the notice of my marriage reach Norway."

Thorgunna thought that perhaps she should keep a polite silence, but her curiousity overcame her. She furtively examined the handsome, masculine face, the wide shoulders and the well-muscled, rough-looking hands; she looked into the clear sharp blue eyes that had seen lands no one had ever beheld before him, and wondered what kind of woman she must have been, she whom he had chosen as a companion of his life - and how it happened that she left the world of living so soon.

"Your wife - who was she?" asked the princess.

She was a woman unlike any other who had ever lived, thought Leif, a woman to whom I own all I became, all my achievements, small as they may be. But he couldn't say the words. The rest of the church-goers had passed along the way already, yet he and the princess remained standing together, and he felt exposed and vulnerable, as he always had whenever the topic came up in conversation. It was cold and very quiet, and rain began to fall, wetting their clothes and reminding them they must walk on. Thorgunna kept looking at him, waiting for his reply with an interest the source of which he could not discern.

"My wife was a simple woman," he finally said, "but loving and beloved in a way I would wish upon every one, since this is the essence of true feminine happiness, if I may say so, Princess."

Thorgunna understood that it is not all, of course, but felt this is not the time or place to ask more questions. Leif looked now more reserved than earlier, before his wife was mentioned, and some part of her sensed she touched a deep wound, one that had not healed completely despite the time that passed, and perhaps never will. She couldn't bear to ask more and cause him further pain, but she felt an inexplicable need to know more - and to herself she had to confess this no longer has anything to do with what the king asked of her.

When Leif returned to his quarters, he was surprised to find Freydis there. She was sitting on his bed, looking bored. While it was true that his bed here was far more comfortable than what he usually slept on - a bench with some blankets piled atop it, because he could not bear to sleep in the bed he had shared with Maura - it still wasn't comfortable enough to spend much time upon it in a sitting position, as it seemed Freydis had just done.

"I have waited and waited," she said impatiently, "where have you been?"

"At church," he said shortly.

Freydis made a disdainful noise. "You as well, Leif?"

"As well what?" he asked distractedly, taking off his wet cloak.

"Did you not see Mother there?"

"I did," said Leif, "but had no occasion to talk to her at the end of the sermon. Why?"

"You might not have noticed," Freydis said sourly, "but any time Mother doesn’t use for eating or sleeping, she spends at church. Not only at Mass, but also making all sorts of confessions to this pompous fool, the priest Wilhelm. She consults him about which would be the best way to cast the light of Jesus upon her pagan husband."

Leif chuckled.

"And she wears a cross so heavy it is a wonder how come it doesn't make her walk with her head downcast," added Freydis.

"Father isn't going to like this," said Leif, still smiling. "It seemed the leaders of the new faith are acting wisely, though: they talk to the women, and those in their turn do all they can to convert the men. Just after the sermon I had a fascinating discussion of religious matters with Her Highness, the princess Thorgunna."

He briefly told Freydis of the conversation, and his sister's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Leif," she said, "you do know you must be careful, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"First," said Freydis, getting up from the bed and starting to walk back and forth in the cramped space of the room, "have you asked yourself why Princess Thorgunna even talks to you? Not just today, yesterday during the hunt as well, I have noticed."

Leif shrugged. "I suppose she sees me as a curious exhibit," he said. "You know, someone as foreign to her as the Skraelings are to us, only it so happens I can speak her language. Nomads and seafarers always awake the curiosity of those who never stir from home."

"I am not stupid, Leif," remarked his sister. "I saw how you look at her. Do not forget who you are, and who she is."

"I look at the moon rising above the mountains, too," Leif said serenely, "without contemplating the idea of taking it for myself."

"Do not forget that Thorgunna is very close to King Olaf," Freydis went on, "the man who raised himself to be the king of all Norway, and united the kingdom - a very impressive achievement. I have no doubt he aspires to get more lands under the Norwegian rule. And you, Leif, must look as if you are loyal to the king, but in truth be loyal to yourself alone."

"It might be news to you, Freydis," said Leif, "but it is in the nature of every man to be loyal to himself alone."

"I mean," said Freydis, "that you must not tell the king too much of Vinland - nor to the princess Thorgunna. If he had already heard rumours, you might mention in the most off-handed way some group of rocky islands you have discovered to the west from Greenland. For all you hold dear, Leif, do not talk to him of fields of wild wheat and rivers full of salmon, if you don't want to find yourself carried there, regardless of your wishes, in a ship full of the king's men, and expected to act as their guide. Greenland is cold and hard to settle, and Father had already given all the half-decent lands to people loyal to him - a wise move, I must say. But Vinland is lovely, attractive and unsettled, and its climate is far better. I scarcely doubt the king will want to put his greedy hands upon it."

"I am not stupid either, Freydis," said Leif. "I want to found an independent settlement in Vinland, without any strangers breathing down my neck."

"Well, the king isn't exactly a fool either," snapped Freydis. "He will do all he needs to make you his man."

"I have no objection to becoming his man," said Leif. "On the contrary, it might be profitable for us all, because we are forever running out of resources and people, and loyalty to the king might answer all our needs. But of course, I will do nothing that might weaken my position, or that of my father."

"Speaking of needs," his sister went on, "could you lend me some silver, Leif?"

Leif looked at her suspiciously. "Of course," he said, "but what for, if I may ask?"

"Well," it looked as though Freydis was considering what she should say, "I have thought about it, Leif, and indeed, marrying again is not such a bad idea after all - and I need some new clothes and jewels to look decent. This isn’t Brattahlid, you know. What I have brought with me isn’t nearly enough."

Leif was unconvinced. He knew his sister well, and realized every sudden change of her ideas or sentiments must be taken with a grain of salt, for usually there was a double, if not a triple motive.

"Where does this sudden wish for a second marriage come from?" he asked. "If you recall, not long ago you told me you have no wish for it."

"Sometimes," said Freydis, "even very often, a marriage can advance a woman's position more easily than any effort she makes on her own."

"You have not even finalized your divorce yet," Leif reminded her.

"Oh, that is only a matter of time," Freydis replied indifferently, "and it can be easily arranged."

When she walked out, Leif was left with an unpleasant burden upon his heart - and for some reason, the face of Ingvar Haraldson appeared before his eyes again, with his sly smile of a fox and his cold eyes. He didn't like seeing his sister in the company of this man, and he liked even less the idea of Freydis marrying him. But more than that, he was harassed by the thought that their connection was not one of possible courtship, not even an affair - but something entirely different and sinister, which he could not quite define.

That night, in his dream, he found himself at church again. He was listening to Father Wilhelm, who talked of a land that grows wheat and barley and sweet grapes. He looked about him, and saw Maura sitting by his side upon the bench, her face smooth and clear and her eyes shining. She held his hand and turned to face him, and smiled radiantly.

"This is what you looked for and what you found, Leif," she told him.

And then the dream was thrown into confusion, and instead of Maura it was Princess Thorgunna sitting by him, in all the glory of her youthful beauty, and her eyes were as green as fresh bright leaves in the bloom of spring. And King Olaf appeared instead of Father Wilhelm, wearing the simple garb of a priest which was surprisingly becoming, and talked of capturing those souls who have not accepted the Gospel yet. Then the walls of the church began to fade away, and he found himself sitting in the middle of a sunlit forest clearing on a bright summer's day, and a light wind was in his hair, and all his family was by his side - his father and mother, his brothers Thorvald and Thorstein, and Freydis, and Thorvard - and King Olaf and Princess Thorgunna looked at them all curiously, and the king frowned and the princess smiled.

And this smile was before his eyes when he awoke.