Chapter 21 – Conviction

Soaked in cold sweat Adam woke up with a start in his bed.

Whether intentionally or unintentionally he had kept himself busy the whole day after getting back from the dungeon.

Whether it was the chat with his mother about getting a new member to the party or the lively conversations with his sister Fen while he ate until late into the night.

He had avoided thinking back to his harrowing experiences of the day.

Now after falling asleep his mind was finally set loose and it wandered.

Scenes after scenes of his fight with the goblins plagued his dreams. The shrill screeches, looks of anger, looks of fear and the final looks of despair as the light of life faded from their eyes, constantly repeated themselves in his nightmares.

He could still feel the heat of the blood that had splattered on him during the fight. It was a feeling that had seeped into his very bones and this feeling sent an eery chill down his spine.

His mind was in chaos and his heart was restless.

This was the first time in his two lives that he had ever killed a living creature.

Enhanced sensory had made him cold-blooded during the fight but now the sense of guilt hit his unguarded mind hard.

It should be known that in his previous life Adam had come from a very humble beginning. His parents were farmers that lived way off into the countryside.

They raised a few cattle but they mainly grew corn. It was a calm and quiet life of peace.

He had thoroughly enjoyed the freedom that the fields provided him as a child and as far as he was concerned, this was probably how he would live for the rest of his life. A farmer who grew corn and raised a few cattle in the countryside.

The only reason he had ended up in the city and was working as an engineer for a big firm was a certain incident that had occurred when he was a child.

In his current state of being haunted by the memories of the fight, he couldn't help but recall that incident.

The memory of it was vivid and distinct as if he had experienced it just yesterday.

One day, he was 13 years old at the time and had just gotten back from a long day of school. Plopping his bag on the ground next to the shoe rack at the entrance of the house he walked towards the kitchen.

He could hear his parents inside. The sounds of their argument travelled all the way to the main door and reverberated through the house.

This wasn't the first time his parents had argued but this was most definitely the fiercest he had seen them.

His mother was stubborn and his father was only growing louder and more agitated.

Suddenly they stopped. They had noticed the terrified Adam at the doorway to the kitchen.

"Oh! Honey, come in. It's nothing really. Your father and I were just talking about how you could go out and play with your friends today as well. Right, Robert?" She gave a meaningful look to her husband.

"No. Son, today I will take you to a place that my father and his father before him took him to. It is a tradition that all men in our family have been through. So I will ask you this… will you go with me and honour our traditions or do you want to go play with your friends?" Completely ignoring the hidden messages in his wife's tone and speech, he directly stared at Adam and questioned him.

He was an ignorant and unafraid teenager. He could tell his mother was opposing to the idea but he didn't want to refuse when his father was blatantly hinting at a right of passage that all men in the family underwent.

"Mum, can I please go?" He could see his mothers expression and knew there was no way she would let them leave unless they convinced her.

His mother was livid. She saw and knew that her husband had said those words on purpose to leave no way out and entice their son.

"Robert!" She yelled.

"No need to say anymore. He has made his decision! No matter what he does in the future he will need this experience. Do you want our son to be a weak-willed little baby for the rest of his life? Will you protect him forever?"

"No son of mine will be a coward!" A tone that did not allow for further negotiation echoed through the room as he said his final sentence.

"Fine go! See if I care… If anything happens to him it's on you."

"Nothing will happen to him. He is my son too."

...

The truck that his family used slid into a wide empty parking spot. The engine came to a halt and the two people stepped out.

Adam and his dad had driven here in complete silence. They had not conversed a word since they left the house. His mother had obviously not come along.

Walking out they came to a huge metal shed that had a small building that served as an entrance to the bigger structure.

Walking in through the automatic glass sliding doors, there was a reception desk with a man sitting behind it.

"Hey, Clark."

"Robert! What brings you here this fine afternoon?"

Robert patted Adam on the back and said: "I came to show him the place."

"So that's how it is. Haha, he's in for a surprise ain't he?"

"It wouldn't be effective if it wasn't," Robert said in a serious tone.

"Well go on in. don't let me stop you."

The father and son duo walked in.

....

45 minutes later.

Beside their truck outside the shed, a pale-faced Adam was puking for the fourth time.

No blood was let in his face and his palms were cold and shivering.

This place that his father had brought him was a slaughterhouse.

The thick scent of metal mixed with the smell of cattle that masked the scent of the pure soil still lingered in his nostrils.

The scenes that he witnessed inside had horrified him. That was the first time that he had seen blood and something die.

"Why would you bring me to this place dad?!" He yelled at his father.

"What did you learn?" He only got a question back.

"What do you mean. What the hell was I supposed to learn…from that!"

"What did you learn?" Robert repeated himself with a calm tone.

"That was wrong!"

"No!" He scolded. "What we learn from that, is that everything has a purpose. We kill them to feed thousands of people. The food that you have eaten and will eat, comes from here. You need to learn that everything has a purpose. Even you and I. Everything we do has a purpose and as long as we have a purpose even things like what you saw today, the things that no one wants to do… get done."

"Know what you want to do and have the conviction to follow it. As long as you have a purpose, everything you do is meaningful. Do you understand?"

"Know your morals and stick to them. Find purpose in what you do and have the conviction to follow through."

This Final sentence was what changed his outlook on life. In part, this was the reason why he decided to study so hard and get into engineering later on in life.

.....

At this moment Adam had seated himself upon his bed and folded his legs.

He began meditating and entered his soul world.

His chaotic mind began to calm down.

In his soul world, he was in the same position as he was in the outside world. He was seated with his legs folded and his eyes closed.

That sentence his father had told him kept repeating itself in his mind.

"Know my morals and stick to them." He thought back to earlier that day when he almost decided to change his personality to accommodate his new party member.

"I cannot change my personality. It is formed from my core beliefs. It is the very essence of what makes me…me. I need to mould and perfect it but never completely change it." He was in an almost enlightened like state as these thoughts smoothed themselves out in his mind.

"Find purpose in what I do… What is my current purpose? I am an adventurer! Adventurers were formed to take on missions. To slay beasts, to deliver items, to explore and most importantly to conquer dungeons!"

"It is the fundamental purpose of an adventurer to slay monsters and complete tasks. To conquer a dungeon I must fight my way through it. How can I do so if I get squeamish at killing simple goblins?"

"Am I that weak-willed?"

"No! Of course not! Harden my resolve. This was only the first step."

"I have the purpose, so what's stopping me from having the conviction to follow through? Does this go against my morals?"

He spent a long time trying to think of any contradictions.

"No."

"Then it's settled! Whether it be a monster, a person, a devil or a god, any who come in the way to achieve my purpose… either they move out or I ram my way through!"

Clink!

The sound of something being unlocked rang from the deepest recesses of his soul.

A curiosity to know what the extremes of his path looked like had budded in his heart.

An undying conviction had been born from this experience of his.

"I've never felt this refreshed before." Coming out of his soul world he took a deep breath of the cool night wind in his room.

After his series of self-reflection, Adam had gone back to sleep.

It was the most comfortable and carefree sleep he had gotten since coming to this world.

The few misgivings he had since coming here had all been dissolved. If there were doubts of him truly accepting this life, then now there was none.

…..

Waking up the next morning and going through his daily routine, he made his way to the dining room with Fen in tow.

Yuki was sitting as per usual in her spot on the table. Sipping slowly the warm tea from the cup she held in her hand.

One of the maidservant girls was waiting on her. The girls who served breakfast would be on rotation. This was the same with all other duties in the lodge. This way all of them would be experienced at all jobs pertaining to the lodge.

Seeing Adam walk in Yuki looked towards him and gave him a smile.

"Goodmorning mother(mistress)." He gave a slight nod and returned the smile. Fen also gave the greeting and bowed deeply.

"Goodmorning. Did you sleep well?" Yuki was giving him a once over with her eyes as if she was looking for something.

"Yes, mother I slept well. I had a few nightmares at the start but I got over it."

"Oh, what were they about? The nightmares…"

"The goblins I killed." He said very straightforwardly.

'He seems to actually be over it. That was the first time he took a life. So I was afraid he might be traumatised for a while but…' Yuki was really worried for Adam but he seemed to be completely fine.

Looking again she could not find any flaws in his actions or behaviour.

'He is exceptionally strong-willed.'

'My son will be a great man in the future.' Her eyes shone with a brilliant ray of light.

"Mother what about finding a party member for me?" Adam cut her thoughts short. He was really expectant on this matter.

He couldn't contain himself. He wanted to go back into the dungeon as soon as possible.

"Hmm, it's turning out to be a little harder than I thought. To find someone who meets the requirements we set is really a task." Yuki shook her head in dismay. It would seem that she did not have much luck on her endeavour the previous night.

"Let us keep that aside for now. There is no point in sending you back into the dungeon at your current level even if we find someone."

"Come sit and eat. I have a few things I want you to do today."

"Yes, mother." Adam went and sat in his usual place with Fen sitting a bit behind him.

The girl who was in charge of waiting on them today got to work and started bringing in cups and dishes.