The Girl who Died and Lived

I'm so tired of living this life... Wouldn't it be best if I can just rest? Dying seems to be the easiest way out... how great would it be to be free... but... I want to live... I want to know what it means to be happy. What it means to be loved, cared and be free. Oh how I wish my life could just be the same as those books that I've read. Who gets to die here but get to live another life in return. If I die... will I get to go to afterlife immediately or will God give me another chance to live? How I wish that could be possible...