12 chapter 11

"Everybody got the plan?" I asked. It had been a long night, we've planned everything to a T.

I've got an assortment of yes from everyone.

"Okay, so we start tomorrow. I want everyone to go home and get some sleep." Simon told us. "Rose, Nash in your own beds."

"Sissy? What do we do?" Dove asked. I bent down and smiled at the girl.

"You're gonna stay home and keep Zane company."

"I just don't understand why I can't come along."

"Benny knows you, if he sees you at any point, he'll know somethings up."

"It's like he doesn't know you, Nov."

"All part of the plan, Z, all part of the plan."

"Fine. Can I least come with you and watch you try on the pretty dresses." I smiled, as he bends down and kissed my cheek.

'"Of course." I said Dove came up to me.

"I want to try on pretty dresses," Dove said.

"Next time, I promise," I said bopping her on the nose. I picked up Dove in my arms, but she wanted Zane to hold her.

"Are you ready for this, Eli?" I asked.

"Yeah, before dress shopping and can we do a little hand-to-hand combat."

"If you guys are training, should we all join?" Adele asked as we all got out of Simon's office, me and Elidi looked at each other.

"We can try and teach you, but we've been learning these things since we were like 6."

"I think we can keep up," Vanessa said.

"Meet us at our house at 1 pm. Sharp." Elidi said. We all get into Zane's car, buckling up.

"You guys are really gonna teach us how to fight?"

"Hm, maybe a little bit."I shrugged. Zane nodded, we all got back up.

Rowan fell asleep in the meeting, I picked him up and took him to his room, his bedroom was closest to Zane. I dropped him in, the room was a dark green color, it had two twin beds, one was on the wall closest to the door, the other one was on the other side looking at the bed.

I placed Rowan on the one closest to the door, seeing his shoes already there.

I walked back and went into my room and got undressed.

I put on some red and black plaid shorts and a black cami, and the zip-up jacket, and I grab my cigarettes and I go to the balcony, and light one.

"So, do you think this plan will work?" Elidi asked me as she sat down, taking one from the carton. I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's the only thing we got."

"I think you, Kai, and Elidi did an amazing job," Zane asked, taking him a cigarette from the carton and lighting.

"I think we did a good job too but we've never tried something so risky," Eli told me.

"That's because Mom and Dad were always the ones telling us to play it safe but I think with this we need Risky, out of the box. They'll never see us coming, Eli, I'm telling you." Eli sighed and nodded.

"What do you think Dad would say about all of this?"

"To me or to you?' I asked, Elidi cracked a loud laugh, and there was her bright smile, she took a swig of the cigarette and then crushed it.

"I've got to get my beauty sleep if I'm gonna kick your ass tomorrow." She said, blowing me a kiss.

"Not a chance in hell, Eli!" I said.

"Okay. So, what do you really think of the plan?"

"I think it's risky and if he figures you out, you're gonna get yourself killed."

"I'm already one step ahead of him, he doesn't even know what's coming,"

"I wish, I was gonna be there with you Nov."

"You're gonna be doing the most important job, looking after my brats." Zane laughed, taking his finger and moving some hair out of my face.

"We need to get to bed, Badass." I laughed.

"It's Miss Badass to you," I said I blew him a kiss as we both entered our rooms.

~~~~~~~~~

I woke up, gasping for air, a cold sweat hitting every part of my body, I tried to catch my breath and just remind myself that it was a dream.

The nightmares are coming back. The ones about Leo, my Leo are back, and I don't know how long they'll be here. I was doing so good, why do they always come back.

Leo is dead, there's no way for him to hurt you anymore.

I know this. My hands were shaking, and that's when I felt burst into a loud sob.

I breathed. Nova, just breathes, you're gonna be fine. There's no way for him to hurt you. You're safe.

I stood up, and started to pace to the floor, every nerve in my body was shaking with fear, a fear for whatever reason I couldn't get rid of.

I heard my door open, the tears still flooding down my face, I turned to Zane.

Tired and groggy but as soon as he realized what I was doing, he came over to me, "what happened?"

I tried to talk to breath but I felt like I was underwater, I felt like I was choking on air.

"Nova, You need to breathe." I sit on the ground, and put my back to the wall, and put my head between my knees, letting my arms fall behind me.

I tried to talk a smooth breath in and slowly came in, it burned my throat like Alcohol did on the first drink, and with that breath in, a sob raking my whole body.

Zane immediately sat down with me, he didn't know what to do, He sat on the right side of me, his legs going underneath mine, since they were brought up, I put my head on his chest, and brought down my knees unto his legs, his arms wrapped around me.

I've never been held like this before, I've never let anyone besides my siblings see me cry, I was scared he was going about to burst to laugh at me,

Scared he was going to tell everyone or do something that would hurt me

But he did nothing, but held my head to his chest, while the tears went down my face, his hand caressed my hair, and he waited, patiently for me to finish crying.

He just held me, I finally felt like I could breathe again, I felt like I could talk again, but I just stayed silent, letting him hold me for a few more fleeting moments. I was scared to tell him why I'd been crying or couldn't breathe, I didn't know what that was, it's happened a few times after really bad nightmares like tonight but nothing like this.

"Nov?" Zane asked in a soothing tone. I shook my head, he looked down at me, I face slightly sticking to his shirt with my tears. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I told him.

"Why did you have a panic attack?" I stiffened, A panic attack? What even is that? I've never heard of a panic attack before?

"Are you gonna make fun of me?" I asked, a little scared of what his response was going to be.

"Of course, not." He told me.

I sat up, my head feeling a little dizzy, I turned my body around so my legs went around his torso, and my but was on the ground.

"Before, I came here and even a little bit before everything went down. I had these realistic nightmares about Leo killing me, or beating me, or just doing anything to me." My face went down, embarrassed. My ears were hot.

"I'm sorry, Nov. Do you need anything?" you.

"Could you get me a glass of water?"

"Of course, I can. I'll be right back." He helped to bed, and he kissed my forehead. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

"Here you go, love." Love? I've never been called love.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" I shook my head as soon as he said it, I scooted over leaving room for him.

"Can I, uh-," he put his arm around me, and I snuggled into his side, my head on his arm.

"Can you handle the-" I pointed to the water, and I took a big gulp, he put it back on the table. I put Dexter on.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep again?" I shook my head.

"But if you want to go to sleep, I don't want you to get tired." Zane smiled at me and caressed my face.

"You're worth it." He said putting his arm on my back and watching TV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat in the kitchen, playing with the eggs that Zane made me. I just wasn't very hungry and it's not like I couldn't go without eating something.

"You need to eat, Nov.' Zane told me, sitting next to me with a yoke on his face, I whipped it off with a small giggle.

I just felt drained, sore, and just defeated.

"I'm fine." Elidi looked at me,

"The nightmares come back, didn't they?" I sighed.

"I'm gonna go shower, then me, you, battle," I said going up the stairs.

I went to the bathroom, locking the door, and turning on the water.

Why is this happening again? How is he ruining my life even after his death?

I got into the shower and let the water run over my sore muscles, my nerves felt like they weren't tense. I got out of bed with Zane.

That's one thing Leo won't get to ruin, Zane.  

I can't let him get hurt by the hurricane that is my life, I can't drag him, I don't want him getting hurt because of me.

Even if I do really like him,

Even if I like the way his hands felt caressing my cheek, or how his lips felt on my forehead, or how I finally felt safe in his arms, how he took care of me which I hated usually but him I didn't mind, or how his own little nickname for me sounded leaving his lips.

I have to do this one thing for him, the thought of letting Zane go broke my heart but I had to let him, let me go, even if there's nothing going on.

I got out of the shower and went to my room, and got dressed.

I put on black high-waisted leggings and a dark blue plain crop top, I trot my way down the stairs.

"Are you ready to get your ass beat." I nodded, I made eye contact with him.

It's for his own good Nova.

I walked out back into the surprisingly large backyard, Elidi smiled at me, and I smirked back at her, everyone was there.

Rose in sandy color pants with a black belt and a brown shirt with a sunflower in it, her hair was in a low ponytail.

Kai in a large black thrasher shirt, jean shorts, and her black hair was pulled out of her face in a medium ponytail.

Blossom was in a purple tie-dye, sweatpants and shirt, and white sneakers.

Stella wore high waisted black jeans and a dark blue crop top that had a yellow moon on it.

Adele actually there on time for once, she wears jeans and a brown tube top

Nash was there looking bored in the back talking to Zane,

Vanessa a light pink shirt with buttons and jeans, and sneakers.

"Are you ready?" Elidi asked, she was wearing leggings just like me but her leggings were gray and she was wearing a tank top.

"Always, baby," I said, we both got our fists up. "No funny business, no cheap shots, and anythings a weapon?"

"Duh," Elidi said. 

Elidi made a run for me, I got of her way and she came up kicking me. 

I blocked her legs from mine

I came up to her throwing a punch, It almost hit her face 

she ducked, 

tackling me onto the ground, she sat on top of me, 

I put my arm around her neck and threw her on the ground, getting up, 

making a come and get me hand gesture.

I went up to kick her neck but she grabbed it and I fell, 

she grabbed my leg and was now on top of it, I kicked it hard-hitting her in the face, and then she got on the ground.

"Now, you're dead," I said, pointing finger guns at her. Her nose was bleeding but we both have had worse.

"Another round?" Elidi asked.

~~~~~~~

We were in a dress shop, we were all looking for dresses for everything.

Rose, Blossom, and Stella had already picked out 6 to try on.

Vanessa was holding up a dark peach color dress with spaghetti straps and a low cut. It was pretty definitely her, I saw her holding it up to herself, and then she decided to try it on.

Adele looks at a few red ones, a black one, and a dark orange colored one.

"I can't wait to see you in one of those pretty dresses." I heard Zane's voice from behind me, I didn't look at him the whole day besides this morning and last night. I hadn't spoken a word to him, I kept walking, I sat in front of the dresses.

Rose came out first with a light blue, skin-tight, dress that went to her upper thighs but had really puffy sleeves on the sides.

I put a thumbs down due to sleeves.

Stella came out a purple dress one, it went to her knees with a slit up the side to her upper thigh and had long off the shoulders sleeves and the sleeves were made of lace.

"We're going on a mission, not to a wedding, Stella," Elidi said, like I said a little too blunt. Zane was kinda like that, a little too blunt, stop thinking of him or you're gonna look at him.

Blossom came out a dark pink dress it went to her ankles, flowers on the waistline, "Misson, not wedding, Blossoms try again."

Vanessa came out with the dark peach dress, it fit her just right showing her cute figure.

"Yes," I said to her, it looked perfect on her.

"You look like you're about to go to a club to get fucked, the look we're looking for here," Elidi said, Kai sat next to us, chewing bubble gum.

Adele came out wearing a red glitter dress, it didn't seem to suit her very well.

"I don't think so," I told her, and she shamed walked back in.

Rose came out with a purple dress, it had a few sparkles in it when they lit it just right, the sleeves were small barley could be seen, it went to her upper thigh and clung to her hips and her smaller waist.

"That's my girl up there," Nash yelled and clapped from the back of the story. Rose now had a steady pink blush on her cheeks.

"Eli, Nova?"

"Yes," Elidi said, and I gave a big thumbs up.

Stella walks out again wearing the same dress as Nessa but a light pink and her boobs were much less pronounced.

"Yes," I said, Elidi said the same, and Blossom came out wearing a white dress, her boobs were there and they weren't going anywhere, it went to her lower thigh but a slit up the side of her leg.

"Nash, that's my girl up here. Wow, baby."

"Kai, I've got one for you two, so c'mon." Kai rolled her eyes and got up from her spot. A few seconds later, Kai came out in a black dress, it went to her thighs, the middle part of the dress was see-through and little sparkles all over it, it was Kai's dress.

"Of course," I said, Elidi nodded drinking her lemonade. Adele came out with an over the shoulder black dress, it had long sleeves that went to her thumbs, and the dress was all tied together by the strings at the end.

"Okay, girls it's Nova's turn."

"I don't have one."

"We found you and Eli something," Stella said, pushing us both in there. Elidi put on a tight-fitting red dress, it looked good on her mocha skin standing out, making a statement.

Mine was a black dress with a dark purple in it when the light shined off of it, it had a deep v-line, and had small sleeves. I put it on, it went to my upper thigh.

"You look great, Eli."

"That dress is stunning on you," Elidi told me, I blushed. I couldn't go out there.

"I can't go out there." Elidi sighed.

"What happened to you? You always were so confident, so I don't care what you think. Be that, Nova, again." I'm trying so hard.

I walked out there, embarrassed a light blush. I heard Zane clapping and hollering.

"We found the one for you!"

We paid and left.

~~~~~~~~~

We got back home, we all got new shoes, new jewelry, and of course the dresses.

I went upstairs, I successfully not talked to Zane at all today but it was only 10 and was nothing, but it hurt my soul trying not to talk to me, to avoid him, he tried to hold my hand but I had to walk away before I could let him.

I grab my cigarettes and walk on to the balcony and take one.

"So, why did you avoid Zane all day?" I sighed, Elidi came to me. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"I don't want him Elidi, I don't want him to be brought into the never-ending carnival that is Nova Micheals."

"Are you serious?" I sat there, my head in my hands.

"I'm scared." I've never been scared of anything. I told her. "I'm scared that Leo ruined my life, my hope of finding love, just he ruined everything."

"You're letting him ruin this, you're letting him ruin you and Zane, and you and Zane are a good thing."

"What if I hurt him, what if I get hurt again."

"That's love." I put out my cigarette and walk up to Zane's room and knock on the door. Elidi was right, I'm letting Leo ruin my life again but that's not happening with Zane, not if I can help it.

"Zane?" I asked, Zane immediately looked up from his phone.

"Nov?" He questioned, it had only been a day but how I missed my name in his mouth.

"I'm sorry," I said, letting it roll off my tongue, I've been taught to never apologize but I seem to be breaking a lot of my rules. "I'm sorry for ignoring you."

"But why did you? After last night, I thought-"

"Zane, I'm terrified. I'll never be able to love you the way I should be. I'm scared that I will hurt you, I'm scared of getting hurt again. I'm scared, I'm not good enough for you, Z. I'm just scared. I thought, maybe it would be better if I just stopped talking to you, If I let you, let me go so you could see how totally wrong I am for you." I said, a tear falling out, I quickly whipped it away.

"Nov. I forgive you," Zane told me. "You're scared, well so am I but Nova, one thing you don't even have to be afraid of is yourself. You're not a Micheals to me anymore, you don't have to pretend to be numb or anything ever again, you can just be Nova. My Nova." I jumped on to him, hugging him.

He hugged back, with a loud laugh and I looked back at him, and that's when I kissed him, our lips colliding together for the first time.

His hands were on my back and my hands were on his shoulders, we kissed for a few seconds before backing out, "I'm sorry. That seemed as good of a time as any." Zane laughed.

"Can we do it again?" He asked me, and I nodded going in for another kiss.

It feels like everything was right, in this moment.