Kabanata 1

No, it wasn't a good thing.

For two days, I became a wallflower. The others seems to be getting along just fine, but no one has dared to initiate an interaction to me just yet. I am not the type of person to initiate a talk. Ganoon rin ata ang mga kaklase ko. Kaya unless I swallow my pride, I'll remain a wallflower in this class.

At hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba ito o ano, but I noticed that they are some in the class that keeps on staring at me. Hindi naman sila nag-abalang itago man lang kaya hindi ko tuloy mapigilang makaramdam ng awkwardness.

Agad kong nagbaba ng tingin pagkaalis ng subject teacher namin. It's already the third day. Nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa. Sinulyapan ko ang oras sa suot kong wristwatch. Just one more subject and it's recess again. Somehow, I'm starting to dislike recess.

"Akila, 'di ba?" Kasing bilis ng kidlat ang pag-angat ko ng ulo upang tignan kung sino ang nagsalita.

My heart started to beat so fast, probably because of happiness. Someone has dared to talk to me!

"Yeah," despite the turmoil I'm feeling inside, my facade remain calm.

Hindi ko inaasahan ang biglang pag-ikot ng buong katawan niya paharap sa akin.

"Kyle nga pala," he then offered a hand.

I am hesitant to take his hand but in the end ay tinanggap ko pa rin.

"Akila Fiorella Tresvalles," pagpapakilala ko sa buong pangalan.

Naniniwala na ako na mahirap kalimutan ang mga nakasanayan. I am used in introducing myself formally that's why I instinctively did it.

Ngumiti naman siya ng malawak. "Saang school ka grumaduate?" he curiously asked.

It took me two seconds to answer. I told him my school. Then some related questions followed by.

"Anong rason kung bakit kayo lumipat dito? E, napakalayo pala ng pinanggalingan niyong probinsya…"

Kyle's question was purely out of curiosity. He didn't mean well. But somehow it triggered an emotion I wasn't fond of.

The reason why I am here is because my parents has decided to separate. My sister and I are both in our mother's custody. But because she was too broken to take care of us, she passed the responsibility to her sister, which happens to be Tita Emilia… And the rest is history.

I forced a smile. "Long story…"

Mukhang nakuha naman niya ang gusto kong ipahiwatig dahil hindi na siya nagtanong pa. And just in time, our next subject teacher entered the classroom. Umayos na siya ng upo. Pero bago tuluyang tumalikod ay nginitian muna niya ako.

Nagtagal ang titig ko sa kaniya. He's one of those in the class that bluntly glance at me from time to time. I don't really know what exactly to feel that he already dared to talk to me. But unconsciously, napangisi ako. Ipinukol ko na ang tingin sa harap at nakinig sa teacher.

Kyle continued being friendly with me. He engage in small talks with me and even move on the vacant seat beside mine. Sa pang-apat na araw, hindi na ako mag-isa sa last row. The seat beside the aisle is still vacant, kaya nanatili pa rin ang bag ko doon. But the two seats on my right, Kyle and a guy named Joaquin occupied it. I think they are close friends.

"Gusto mo bang sumama sa amin sa recess, Akila?" nahihiyang ani ni Kyle pagkaalis ng subject teacher.

Nang marinig ko iyon ay gusto ko agad pumayag. But my mind quickly analyze the future situation. Kyle eat with her girl friends in the class. Kung sasama ako, magiging awkward lang. Lalo at tingin ko the girls doesn't seem to like me.

"Si Joaquin manlilibre daw," dagdag niya nang hindi pa rin ako sumasagot.

Agad na napunta ang mata ko kay Joaquin. I know that he's listening to our conversation even though he seems focused on flipping the pages of the book on his hand. Hindi pa kami nagkakaroon ng interaksyong dalawa. Pero base sa obserbasyon ko sa kaniya, he wasn't that bad. Madalas tahimik pero palangiti naman.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Kyle.

"Alright," pagpayag ko. Not because of the free food.

"Yes!" ngiting-ngiti niyang saad.

Muli kong minasdan si Kyle. Despite his manly physique, the way he move is effeminate. Malumanay rin siyang magsalita. I am not sure if it's because I am too caught up with the masculinity stereotype that I'm doubting his gender.

"Crush ka niya."

Gulat kong nilingon ang nagsalita. Nang makita si Joaquin na sinasabayan akong maglakad ay bahagya akong napalunok. It's the first time he talked to me. Hindi ko inaasahan ang bigla niyang pagkausap sa akin. Gano'n na din ang sinabi niya.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa harap. Nauuna sina Kyle kasama ang mga kaibigan niya. Nagpahuli ako pero nagpahuli din pala si Joaquin.

"Really? I'm not sure," pagtuldok ko sa ideya.

Maaring totoo ang sinabi niya but I cannot entertain the idea. Not when I think Kyle is gay or some sort. I keep on doubting his thoughts and actions because of his effeminacy.

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Sabi mo e."

I pursed my lips. Hindi na nagsalita. Sa canteen ay mahaba agad ang pila. Wala na ring bakanteng lamesa kahit na hindi pa nagsasampung minuto nang mag-recess. May baon akong sandwich at juice, kaya naiisip ko nang bumalik nalang sa room.

"Saan ka pupunta?" biglang tanong ni Joaquin.

My eyes widened. Ano bang sinasabi nito? I merely took a step backward! Pati iyon nakita niya?

"Bakit, Akila?" nagtatakang tanong naman ni Kyle, palipat-lipat ang tingin sa aming dalawa.

Kahit ang mga kaibigan ni Kyle ay napatingin na rin sa akin. Sinamaan ko ng tingin si Joaquin bago hinarap si Kyle.

"Nothing, Kyle. Nag-adjust lang ako…" nginitian ko ang mga kaibigan niya.

"Ah," tumango-tango naman siya. "Ano palang gusto mong kainin, Akila? Ako nalang ang pipila."

"Ha?" sinulyapan kong muli ang mga kaibigan niya. Hindi na sila nakatingin sa akin. "You'll gonna buy for your friends rin ba?" mahinang ani ko.

Mukha siyang nagulohan sa sinabi ko pero kalaunan ay tumango rin. Tinignan ko ang mga naka-display na pagkain. Wala akong matipuhan pero nang makita ang hawak na pagkain noong dumaang babae sa harap ko ay iyon nalang ang sinabi ko.

"Iyon lang?" aniya.

Tipid akong tumango. Tapos ay humalo na silang dalawa ni Joaquin sa pila. I adjusted my stance when I realized that I am left with Kyle's friends. They seem nice naman but I'll never know.

"Anong brand niyang sapatos mo?" pagkausap sa akin noong kulot ang buhok.

Dinungaw ko ang suot na ballet flats. Inalala ko ang brand nito. Kung tama ang alaala ko ay pasalubong ito noon ni Papa galing abroad.

"Kate Spade," I replied shortly after a while.

"Ahh--Kate Spade." Nagkatinginan silang apat. Sa tinginan nila ay parang may namuo nang usapan.

Hilaw akong ngumiti. I averted my gaze and look at the other way. I keep looking around pero iniiwasan ko ang direksyon ng mga kaibigan ni Kyle. Hindi rin nagtagal ay bumalik na ang dalawa. They are carrying a plastic bag full of snacks.

"Sa classroom nalang tayo kumain," si Kyle.

At iyon nga ang nangyari. Gaya kanina ay nagpahuli muli ako. Ganoon na rin si Joaquin. But this time, he didn't try to talk to me. Mabuti na rin iyon dahil wala ako sa mood makipag-usap.

"Thanks," I mumbled when Kyle hand me my food. He smiled.

Bubuksan ko na sana ang mamon nang may maaala. I look at Joaquin's way. He was about to bite on his snickers when he noticed my stare. He gave me a 'what' look.

I smirk. "Gracias," at nag-iwas na ako ng tingin.

Binuksan ko ang mamon at kinagatan ito. As I munch the food, I looked around the classroom. Half of the class are still outside. May mga kumakain rin gaya namin. Natigilan ako nang may matang nakatagpo ang mga mata ko. Napakurap muna ako ng ilang beses bago nag-iwas ng tingin. I reached for my water bottle and gulped some liquid.

What was that? Why is that guy looking at me?

Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin sa direksyon na 'yon. This time, hindi na siya nakatingin sa akin. I must have been mistaken. But… Isn't he pretty attractive?

"Akila," nilingon ko si Kyle. "Spanish iyong sinabi mo kanina 'di ba? Marunong ka?"

I nod. "A little bit."

His eyes twinkled. Ngumiti ako. The first week wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Bagaman wala pa akong masyadong kakilala sa room, I am grateful for Kyle and Joaquin for being my company.

Tanghali na akong nagising nang Sabado. I rested for the whole weekends. Akala ko hindi kami lalabas for the weekend but Sunday afternoon, Tita Emilia told us to dress up because we're going to the church.

Tahimik akong naglalakad sa likod nina Tita. But my eyes can't help not to look around. Hindi kami natuloy sa cathedral dahil sa traffic, but luckily there's a church nearby. Dahil siguro'y huling misa na kaya maraming tao. Halos wala nang maupuan. But there's still a space on the front rows, so we occupied it.

Ipinatong ko ang dalang sling bag sa hita pagkaupo, muling lumibot ang mata sa paligid. I think this church was newly constructed. The altar's design wasn't as intricate and complicated like those on century old churches. Wala rin iyong feeling na mararamdaman kapag nasa old church.

The mass then started. Hindi ako palasimba kaya hindi ako gaanong makasabay sa mga nangyayari.

"The reservation is at eight. Let's go," Tita Emilia placed an arm around me as if guiding me as we walk toward the exit.

Ayoko mang aminin but my heart swell at the small gesture. I miss Mom.

My eyes narrowed at the person standing beside the holy water font angel. Hanggang sa makalapit ay hindi ko tinatanggal ang tingin sa kaniya.

It's him. Iyong classmate ko na parang artista. So, he's Catholic?

Nang patingin na siya sa direksyon ko ay pasimple akong tumingin sa iba. I acted as if I didn't saw him. But I am sure that he saw me, too. Dahil sa gilid ng mata ko ay nakita ko siyang nakatingin sa akin hanggang sa nakalampas na kami.

What was his name again? Alaric?

Nang mag-Lunes ay nakasuot na ako ng uniform. The skirt was kind of long for me. Pinasadya ni Manang dahil tatangkad pa raw ako. She's practical. Hindi naman manang tignan kaya hindi na rin ako nagreklamo pa. Pero anibago ako nang makita na halos naka-uniform na lahat ng estudyante noong flag ceremony. Sa klase kasi namin ay halos naka-uniform na lahat simula noong first day. As expected from the first section.

"Bagay mo ang uniform, Akila," bungad ni Kyle sa akin hindi pa man ako nakakaupo sa upuan ko.

Agad ko siyang pinasadahan ng tingin. "You too," balik ko.

Natawa siya. Hindi siguro kumbinsindo dahil simula first day ay nakasuot na siya ng uniform. But Kyle doesn't look like a thirteen-year old, ah? He seems older than his actual age kaya noong una'y akala ko'y he's delayed or something.

"Pwede pala ang black pants?" nasabi ko nang makita ang suot ni Joaquin.

Ngumisi siya ng nakakaloko. "Old uniform. Bago 'yang suot mo."

"Ah," I bob my head.

I take my seat and go over with my notes for the first period. It was silent for the first minutes but when the murmurs became more distinct, nawala na ako sa concentration dahil mas lamang na ang mga boses nila.

"Ano? Hindi mo pa nasasabi na crush mo siya!?"

"Akila, crush ka daw ni Kyle."

"Ayie, KyLa~"

I decided to close my notebook and pay some attention to Kyle's friends. Nang makita nila akong nakatingin ay mas lalo pa silang nag-ingay. It was tolerable at first but later on, it began to piss me off. Buti sana kung hindi matutunugan ang sarcasm sa tono nila.

Hinarap ko si Kyle na siya namang kinagulat niya. I am hesitant to say this but my tongue was already itching to blurt it out.

"Kyle, aren't you gay?"