1 CHAPTER 1
Where do I start? For you to understand! Do I start with my first scar or my first word? No it doesn't matter where I start. All these scars are the same to you. Don't deny it! I know you see one and believe they are all for the same reason. You think they are all from the same knife, razor blade or lighter. Well you are wrong. So wrong!
The year 2003, yeah let's start there. I am 5 years old and walking to the park. My mother is passed out on the sofa with a needle on her arm. So I decide to have fun at the park. Justin is always playing there. Oh! Who is Justin? You will know.
"Hey Justin." I wipe my wet hands on my dress and sit down next to him on the sandbox. "Go away." He shoves me back and my back lands on the wood keeping the sand together. "I don't play with losers." He gathers his toys and runs across the park. Sitting up straight I watch him as he tries to join the group he ran off to. I stand up and dust myself and look back to the apartment. Sighing I track back there. When I reach the apartment something hit's me and I am back on my back that is now screaming in pain. Numbly I look up with open eyes as a boy comes in sight.
"You ok there?" he starts sitting me upright which has me jolting away. "Sorry sorry." He mutters quickly. Soon I feel his fingers on my back. Looking back at him he lifts his red smudged fingers. Frowning, he looks between me and his fingers. "Your bleeding come on lets get you fixed." He lifts me carefully and heads in. Two floors later he turns to the right and opens a door with me in his arms.
He sets me down on a sofa and disappears somewhere. I look around and there is nothing but plastic cups all over the floor. He finally returns with a bag and kneels in front of me. "Take off your dress." He says and I eye him confused. I look back the bag and it is not the same one as my mother's. my mother's are always covered with newspapers. He lifts his fingers and points with the clean one.
"I need to help you, so you need to take off the dress." He says and I still eye him confused. I stretch out my right hand for him to fix my. He looks at it puzzled and looks back at my face. "What…" he begins, "You want to fix me right?" I ask him. When he continues to look confused I tap on my arm and veins pop up. Smiling I look back at him and he is still confused.
"What does fix mean to you?" he asks.
"An injection on my arm." I shrug
"Who gives you injections?" his eyebrows crown together
"Mother does when she wants to fix me up." I start swinging my feet a little bit.
"How do these injections make you feel." He starts rubbing around the pinkish spots on my arm.
"I don't know, they always make me sleep." I scratch my head. He says something so quietly I can't hear it. He looks me in the eye and shakes his head. Suddenly he starts undressing me making my back hurt even more. I scream out in pain when he is done. He mutters a string of sorry makes me lay on my stomach. Soon he wraps a bandage around me and tells me to sleep.
Waking up I hear my mother shouting at . I walk to where she is and she is yelling at some woman, the woman shakes her head and turns to walk away. When her eyes land on me she freezes. Smiling at her I go to stand next to mother.
"My daughter is coming with me." Mother grabs my hand and pulls me away from that lady. Ignoring the pain mother rushes me the stairs to our floor where the boy sit's on one. My mother starts dragging me up the stairs again when the boy speaks. "You forgot her dress."
"Keep it since you wanted it." Mother says and starts walking again
"You need to stop shot her up." he says stopping her again. She turns to face him
"I do what I want with my daughter." She steps closer to him
"I didn't call the cops because I don't want to see her in foster homes." He steps closer too.
"Mommy lets go home." I say because the more she gets upset the more I get treats. I hate treats.
"Stay away from my daughter." Mother warns before she grabs me and continues dragging me up to our floor. Once inside our apartment she locks me up in my room. The room has no light coming in. it's always dark in here. Dark that I have gotten used to it.
A few hours later the door opens and mother walks in and sets something down on the floor. I stand up from the sheets I was on and walk towards her.
She begins wrapping a rope around my hands and ties me to the doorknob. Once she is done she begins her treats. With each serve she sighs in content. I do not dare make a sound. A while later she sits down panting, finally my wobbly legs give out.
I start falling but the rope makes me swing to the door. I bash my head on the door and my arms are suspended above my head. My back is numb now. I feel a sting of pain whenever a breeze comes.
A tired laugh comes from behind me. I struggle to get my feet to stand up and the laugh intensifies. I try one more time as the rope bites more into my skin. With every try I can't get up. I give into the pain in my wrists and wait for darkens to take me.
The pain starts to numb when I feel myself falling. I land on the floor harshly but I can barely feel the pain. My arm is pulled out and I feel the familiar sharp pain in my arm and soon my head feels light. Everything is bright and dark at the same time. Mother fixed me up again. Today I got two treats.
