The Worst Criminals Ever

After hours of being led down an elevator...well that would be giving it too much credit. It was more like some not so sturdy looking wood with rusty metal links that slowly lowered me and the three buff masculine men who were locking my arms and putting me in a headlock

Are these guys not a fan of handcuffs or restraints? Or maybe they just really like getting handsy, I mean I am a peak male specimen myself so it is understandable. I have my own gym membership you know, yeah. I even went there once, so I basically already have a perfect bod as far as my imagination is concerned.

The sudden stop of the 'elevator' brought me from my delusions sadly, bringing me back to the reality I was really not liking.

Led by the silent muscular trio, I was taken off the 'elevator and down onto the cold ground. Well everything was cold down here, but especially the ground as my feet could barely take the chill.

Yep I am barefoot, didn't I mention that? I was sitting in my own home when I fell into that damned mirror, who wears shoes in their own home all the time?

Maybe that was my crime...going barefoot. Seeing that the logic of this world makes about as much sense as walking across a japanese cross walk without praying to Thanatos that the white vehicle of death would not appear, I figured that being barefoot was possibly a very real crime.

Either way that was not too important as I was most likely not getting out of here anytime soon, but I was not to phased. When there is a will there's a way right? Or maybe I am still in shock from the whole falling into a mirror thing.

Whatever, reality calls for me once again as I ended up at my destination: A giant steel door.

The guards clicked their heels together and made a wish, or so I fantasized, and the giant steel door opened revealing...

Another giant steel door.

And another

And another.

A dozen giant steel doors later, which I guess was the result of some giant steel door maker getting a kickback, I arrived at the REAL destination: The Max Max Security Prison.

No, that name was not my own. I am just reading the sign that is hanging over the entrance.

One rude shove later I was thrown into the prison area and then kicked onto the ground with an enormous amount of force. I hit the floor so hard that all I saw were stars and moldy socks chasing said stars, and by the time I stood up all I saw was a closing steel door followed by eleven other closing steel doors.

The sound that ensued was loud enough to cause my ears to ring which was a lovely addition, now I was disorientated in multiple ways...yay.

Feeling around my body to make sure I was not bleeding profusely from anywhere I ended up feeling my little notebook I had won through mortal ko- I mean mortal combat.

As well as a small pencil that I hid in a location I will never tell anyone ever even if you pay me a million dollars or dangle me over a fifty foot ravine with a bungee cord replaced by several rubber bands glued together.

These would come in handy for sure. Why was I not searched? Ah, well I was searched. But let me just say I have a knack for hiding things, yeah.

I was so pleased with my abilities, as usual, that I failed to notice the shadows that were reflected from the dim light that was attached to the last steel gate.

I assume it was just one shadow that quickly disappeared, then some time later it was two then four then eight then twenty something. I eventually noticed, right around when there was thirty something shadows. Such a sight gave me quite the fright, all right, and for a moment I thought I might have to fight for my life with no light in sight.

Thankfully the shadows were not demonic cultists or a cabal of flesh wearers, who are people who skin people alive and then wear their skin. I knew this because those guys were in the top of the prison in lowsec. No, these fellows in front of me were the 'most vile' of criminals as that one guy so eloquently put it.

With shak-, I mean completely stable legs and no cold sweat whatsoever I waited for the figures to walk completely out of the shadows. The actual criminals up above were already bad enough, so my mind was racing with ideas of how heinous and how evil these criminals were.

I mean it was said not too long ago that they were here due to mundane sounding things like protesting peacefully and questioning the great leader, whoever that was.

But who knows if the definitions of the words are different here. Maybe 'peaceful protests' actually mean taking puppies and kittens and putting them into an industrial blender, then putting the result of that into confetti cannons and spraying them all over passerby in order to support veganism by traumatizing people permanently. To hit it home I imagine they would have giant signs that have pictures of the animals before they became intimate with the blades of the blender, in the most adorable and lovable poses of course.

The truth of this mystery was soon revealed to me as they had finally come close enough for me to see. They looked like...they looked like...

Completely normal people.

It is hard for me to describe these guys other than using the same term, normal. To understand what I am seeing here you could just go and look in the mirror. What you see reflected is exactly what I am seeing right now, a bunch of normal looking people...even plain.

Men and women of all ages came walking forth. Some were in pairs, some were in trios, while others were completely alone but they all had the same exact look on their face: Curiosity.

Still they all stopped just short of casual speaking distance, slightly wary of me for some reason. The silent standoff between the two of us, the lone me and the several dozen them, lasted for a few tense moments until an old man came walking out the crowd.

He had gray hair and a beard long enough to wrap around my stomach twice over as well as a hunched back and bum knee, barely able to walk without the support of the crowbar he was using as a cane.

Passing the small no man's land that had formed naturally, everyone watched this old fella with baited breath...me included.

He walked and walked, almost tripping a few times, before looking me straight in the eye and asked,

"How do you feel about music?"

To which I replied,

"Uhh...it sounds nice?"

My reply was apparently some kind of code word I was not aware of as the moment the last syllable left my lips and resounded across the stone walls, all hell broke loose.

The crowd began cheering, whistling, and even applauding like I had just announced the cure for cancer or kitten mortality.

Then a bunch of muscular men came running towards me, which caused me to flinch and have a feeling to run run away and hide...

Oh great I am traumatized now.

Anyways, the burly men who had muscles thick enough to crush steel with made their way towards me and picked me up. They lifted me high into the air and began yelling,

"ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

To which everyone repeated,

"ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

And then I was carried into the depths of the cave into the darkness, with everyone chanting and cheering along the way.

As I was being led through the darkness the only thing on my mind was of course...

WHAT KIND OF CRIMINALS ARE THESE!??!