5 Ludwina & Andrea (Part 3): I'm Like A Bird

Since I was little, I was known for having a memory of a goldfish. I had lost my wallets, cellphones, bags, and even my passport too many times to my liking. But... I would never forget the first time I met Andrea at the airport six years ago.

At that time, I was like a bird, always flying around to different places. My excuse was always the same: I was looking for inspiration to write. Having really wealthy parents who loved me to bits helped my quest for this so-called inspiration. I also didn't understand why I always felt uneasy when I stayed somewhere for more than two months.

Maybe, I was restless because I had not found my "home". I didn't feel like I belonged, so I kept traveling and I kept searching.

After I married Andrea, the anxiety disappeared, replaced by a sense of comfort and content. Sitting on a chair in the balcony of our apartment and write something on my laptop every afternoon while waiting for Andrea to come home from work made me extremely happy and satisfied.

Sometimes, we ate outside, sometimes he cooked, other times we had a takeaway, but our life together was never boring. We always had a good conversation. I didn't recall we ever had any fights too. We went back to our country at the end of every month and we traveled to Europe or America once a year. Sometimes, he had to attend conferences abroad or went on business trips. Usually, I would be happy to tag along. You could say we were almost never apart.

Wherever we go, Andrea could always blend perfectly. In Asia he looked Asian enough, and in Europe he looked European enough. That's the perks of being of mixed raced. In a glance, he looked like a typical European with a tall body, fair skin, and pointed nose. But when people looked closely, they could see his Asian heritage on his delicate facial features, and smooth handsome face.

I'm not biased because I was his wife, but Andrea was extremely handsome. He had that dreamy look that enchanted so many women. I know so many girls in his office were heartbroken when he took me to his company year-end party for the first time - subtly announcing that he was taken.

Oh, we were so happy together, just the two of us.

Back then, when people told me to picture my life, where I would be in five or ten years later, I would reply that I would be wherever Andrea was. In all honesty, for me, Andrea was home. He was my place to go home to.

One year ago, I lost that home. Now, I went back to being a bird, wandering around, flying to different places on earth just to comfort my weary soul.

To be honest... I was kind of tired now. I really wanted to go home, but my home was gone.

***

October 2019,

The cybersecurity conference was held at the Hilton in Nusa Dua, Bali. Andrea was invited to be one of the keynote speakers. I was very proud when I read his bio on the event's website. Andrea now had become a really well-known figure in his industry and was admired by many.

I decided to come to the Hilton on the last day of the conference. It had been a year after I left him and I figured it was time to meet him and get things over with. When I arrived at the hotel lobby, my heart immediately felt doubt, whether I made the right decision by meeting him today.

Andrea knew I was invited to be a speaker at the UWRF (Ubud Writers and Readers Festival) this year. It was a prestigious international writers' festival held annually in Bali. He deliberately accepted the invitation to be a speaker at a cybersecurity conference in Bali because of it.

He knew I would not have the heart to avoid him if we were on the same island. He was right. I gave in and replied to his email that we can meet at the Hilton after he finished with his talks.

"Good day, ahh, Ms. Ludwina, how are you?" The friendly guest relations officer who saw me entering the lobby greeted me with a broad smile.

I was surprised because the hotel staff seemed to know right away who I was. I didn't realize that I was so easily recognized.

"Oh, hello. I am well, thank you." I replied with a friendly smile.

"Your husband has notified us about your arrival, so the key has been prepared at reception. Do you only bring this one bag?"

Oh ...

I could only nod in silence.

Somehow, I had involuntarily followed the staff into the hotel and we entered a beautiful suite facing the sea. On the table was a cold bottle of prosecco with a red ribbon and a vase filled with beautiful flower arrangements.

"If you need anything, please call this number, Mam. Have a good rest."

I nodded and placed my bag in the cupboard. Inside the cupboard, I saw two shirts hung neatly. I felt touched and stroked both shirts lovingly. I bought him those shirts before he moved to London.

Suddenly, I was feeling unusually tired. I laid my body on the bed and soon everything went dark.

I woke up when it was already morning the next day. When I opened my eyes, a pair of beautiful brown eyes were staring at me lovingly from above.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." His lips smiled. "You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you and wake you up from that peaceful slumber."

"Hmmm... hello.." I greeted Andrea after I got over the shock by his presence.

"I thought you only took a nap and would wake up for dinner, but you slept so soundly and didn't wake up until morning. I was worried," he said again. He stretched out his arms and hugged me, landing his soft kiss on my lips. "You never had jetlag before. Why makes you sleep that long?"

I shook my head slowly. "This is not jet lag, I think. I've been sleep deprived for a while. It's been a long time since I've slept well." I replied.

He paused for a while, then nodded in understanding. He held my hand and took me to the terrace for breakfast. Breakfast was delivered to the suite, and we enjoyed it while looking at the sea and the beautiful waves that swept the white sandy beach.

"Why did you become so thin?" Andrea asked me during breakfast. "Eat some more."

I shook my head, "No, this is too much."

Andrea took me for a walk on the beach after breakfast. His hand clasped mine as if he was scared that I would disappear if he did not hold my hand properly.

"Too bad, yesterday, you went straight to sleep. I already prepared a bottle of prosecco for us," he said, as he spread a Balinese cloth over the sand and placed a paper bag filled with a bottle of wine and fruits.

I gasped when I saw him take the wine bottle out of the bag. "Hey, it's not even 12 yet ... Are we going to drink this early?"

"Our anniversary was yesterday," Andrea answered lightly. "This wine is long overdue."

He opened the bottle and drank a little, then handed it to me. I finally smiled and nodded and took a sip.

We took turns drinking from the bottle little by little without saying much. I felt that Andrea wanted to say so many things, but he held back and didn't utter what was on his mind.

"Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world five years ago." Finally, he spoke. "Meeting you was a chance, but staying with you was a choice ... and I am so glad you said yes."

I nodded, unable to speak.

"I've liked you since we met at the airport. You were very funny at that time. You even went so far as pretending that you need to be hospitalized..." He continued. "I also like your family, who are very kind and treat me as if we are equals. In fact ... we are far from equal. You're like heaven, and I am like the earth. I love how you are not spoiled, and you always accepted anything I can give to you. You were always happy and grateful for everything I did for you. I like that we never fight... And I'm devastated because you didn't want to meet me in the last year. "

I tried to smile. "Honey... You once told me that I am not talented in writing, because I am too happy. I agree with you. Evidently, last year I felt so miserable because I have to part with you. We know now I have two best sellers. I am sad to know that you have a child from another woman. At the same time, I'm not the type of motherly woman who can give you children. I thought that as time passes, I will be able to accept the situation, but after one year, my heart doesn't heal. You have the right to be happy with a woman who can give you the family you want. Ronan also has the right to get a complete family."

Andrea did not respond to my words.

"We got married in Bali, it's only right that we also separate in Bali," I told him gently. "You already promised me that you will bring the divorce papers to Bali if I come to see you. Please give me the documents, don't forget to sign them.

I ...

I would give anything ...

Anything...

To wipe his tears away.

"I just want to be a good father, Wina. I want to be in Ronan's life and make up for the lost time with him. If you still don't want to move to London I can go home once a month. At least, please wait until he turns 18 and can come live with us. He is a good kid. If you liked me, you'd like him."

"I can't wait ten years, Honey. We have had a happy six years together, and now our time is up. You and Adeline must be fated. You dated since you were.. what, sixteen, right? You were together until you were 23. That was a long seven years. The only reason you were separated was her parents. Adeline is the only woman you had ever loved before we met, and she's still waiting for you... until now. " I held Andrea's hands and squeezed them gently. "Thank you for sharing your life with me for the past six years. It was wonderful ... You are wonderful ..."

I let go of his hand, "Now ... I want to return you to Adelina and Ronan. You deserve to have the family you love."

"I know you're stubborn, but this doesn't make sense, Win. Didn't I tell you that I can go home to Singapore every month? I also told you from the start, I will only take this job for two years. Only one year left. After that, I could build my own company or asked to be transferred back to Asia. Adeline also plans to return to Asia to continue her family business. I can make time for Ronan if the distance issue is resolved. This doesn't make sense, Win. "

Seeing me unflinching, Andrea became desperate.

"I can't just leave Ronan, you know that ..."

"Goodbye, Andrea."

I kissed his cheeks that were wet with tears and walked away. I had never seen Andrea cry, and the sight before me now was heartbreaking...

London had always been my no-go place since Andrea moved there last year. I didn't want to cross paths with either him, Adelina, or Ronan. However, I made an exception three days ago on my way home from New York. I deliberately took 24-hour transit in London because I knew Andrea must have left for Bali to attend the conference.

I arrived at night and found his apartment in Camden, precisely as he described it in his emails. The passkey was the same as what he told me. When I went inside, the place immediately felt familiar. The arrangement reminded me of our apartment in Singapore.

It was a simple and minimalist two-bedroom unit. There was only one framed photo on the bedside table. It was the picture of the two of us on our honeymoon in Bali from five years ago.

I sobbed there all night, and after my tears were dried, I finally fell asleep hugging the photograph to my chest.

***

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