1 Life

What is life? Wait, let me rephrase that, why should I live?

I mean, there are ups and downs and although it may be different for others, I've always been down.

At least if I describe, I don't know what other people would describe it as.

Of course, I could end it now but that seems a bit wasteful.

I don't want to be corny but I've been given 'the gift of life'. I should probably not be taking it for granted but I never really asked for it.

And maybe it wasn't even for me in the first place, I mean, why does a waste of space like me deserve life when I achieve nothing with it.

And I'm not being harsh on myself, it's just that surely it would've been better if it was given to someone else that could do something with it.

I was born somewhere I don't know, not that I want to, but soon moved London in England.

My father moved here 2 years after I was born, which my mother told me, for business and my mother and I stayed in Seoul in Korea.

And yes, I wasn't born in Seoul, but in a small village in the outskirts which my family left soon after I was born.

We only moved to London when I was 7 years old and met my dad there. Although I knew him when I was 2, I don't remember him and if I did I would have good memory which I could use to perhaps do something with life.

My father died when I was 8 due to lung cancer which he had for years but didn't tell my mother since it would scare her.

Because of this my mum now has to work for most of her day and I slightly resent my father.

I know it's not his fault but I still hate him for making my mum go through what she does everyday. I feel bad for her.

I feel even worse when I realise I won't be able to do much for her even when I grow up. This is why I have suicidal thoughts.

However, when I said I was always down, I was lying a bit. I do have happiness every now and then from web novels and manhwa from Korea.

They are what keep me going everyday, and although may seem nerdy to those who don't like them, to people like me, they are escapes from reality.

I read mostly fantasy books which is why there is basically a 0% chance of them happening. Of course that was until a few days ago.