11 The Devil in Me Ch. 11

Chapter Eleven:

Shay:

I stared at my ceiling.

I wanted to have this profound feeling that made me sure I wanted to do what I was doing.

Instead, I felt conflicted.

What was a match anyway?

Someone compatible with bits of information that I gave them? I filled out a questionnaire, not some other profoundly personal checklist of things I was looking for in another person.

I'm not really sure it even matters at this point.

I clearly had a thing for Eileen's brother. It felt weird to think about it.

I didn't want to mess up the relationship that we had.

Eileen is a good person, and I was known to fuck up good things.

Maybe my match will be someone like him.

I knew that was wishful thinking. Right now, that was all I had in me.

I told myself I was going to stay in bed all day, and when it was time to go get the boys, I would go.

Part of me hoped that he would be there, but I knew that he wouldn't.

Unless he wanted to see me too.

That thought made my heart rate increase.

"Shut up," I had to say out loud to myself.

I was going to drive myself mad with all these thoughts.

I needed a drink.

I sat up to pull my phone out, I dialed Jody's number. I didn't have to look for her name, I knew her number by heart.

"Hello!" she answered right away.

"Jody!" I whined, "Help me."

She was silent for a minute.

"I didn't think we had that kind of relationship," she said.

"Bitch," I said, "I need a drink, not for you to send me nudes."

"I could do both," she said with a laugh.

"Are you busy?" I asked her.

"Just finishing up my last client," she said, "What do you want to drink?"

"I really don't care," I said, "I just need a drink."

"That kind of day?" she asked.

"No," I said, "I just need my brain to shut up."

"Did I miss something?" she asked.

"Sort of," I said, "If you want the details, you need to come over."

"I was going to head over there anyway," she said.

"I know," I stated, "I was going to tell you anyway."

"Good," she said, "I can be there in about an hour."

"Thank you," I said, "So much, and I love you."

She giggled, "I love you too."

She hung up.

I felt better, at least for now I knew that I would have a break. Even if it was a small one.

I'll know for sure what to do after I meet my match. I was nervous and excited all at the same time.

Noah:

I was angry.

I was forced to lie on my stomach, because of the stinging markings on my back.

My anger was getting the better of me right now. All I could think about was breaking something.

I wanted to take my anger out on someone that deserved it.

Right now, the only one that deserved it was me.

This is my fault. I broke the rules.

The burning on my back only proceeded to increase my rage.

When I moved, it hurt. When I took in a deep breath, it hurt.

I didn't want Shay to see me like this.

I forced myself to sit up, and I called Baird.

"Noah," he greeted, "How are you today?"

"Cancel my interview," I said.

He was silent, and I think he could tell something was wrong.

"Why would I do that?" he asked.

"Because fuck you, that's why," I growled.

"Noah," he said, "I will not cancel."

My jaw hurt from how hard I ground my teeth.

"If you do not show up, you will only hurt her."

"Don't act like you don't know what they fucking did," I hissed.

"That is twice now, Noah."

"Fuck you," I said, "Cancel my interview, do whatever the fuck you want."

"I understand that you are upset…"

"Upset?" I hissed, "I'm fucking angry."

He didn't say anything.

"I told you, I didn't want to see her this way."

"I told you that it was not up to me," he said, "You broke the rules, do not pretend otherwise."

"Because that's exactly what I'm doing," I said, "Pretending like I didn't do anything wrong."

"Just get the interview over with," he said, "We can schedule the next one when you have recovered."

"Do you even give a shit?" I asked him.

"Of course, I care," he said, "Do you think I like knowing that you were punished because of me?"

"Yes," I stated, "Because you could have recommended that I be punished later."

"I have no say in when you are punished," he stated, "I report what I need to report, and then I get my orders."

"Don't expect me to report to you anymore then," I said simply, "I don't even want to look at you."

I knew I was just angry, and I knew that he knew that too. Still, I couldn't help but say what I was feeling.

"Do you prefer that Steven take my place tomorrow?" he asked.

"Am I even allowed to say yes to that?" I asked.

"You are," Baird said, "I wish you would not, though."

I glared at the carpet.

"I really didn't follow her," I said.

"I believe you," he said.

"No, you clearly don't, Baird."

"You think I do not know you?" Baird asked, "I know you did not follow her. I also know that you did not try to get away from her."

"So, I was punished for not being an asshole?" I asked.

"You know that is not why," he said, "Why are we arguing about this?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

"What is done is done," Baird said, "Tomorrow at noon, you will not see me until then."

"Alright," I said.

I hung up before he could say anything else.

My back started to burn again.

A small knock at my door distracted me from the pain.

"What?" I asked.

"It's me," Eileen said.

"I'm not feeling too great," I said, "I'm not up for talking."

She completely ignored me. She opened the door.

"Eileen," I sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Noah," I could hear the pain in her voice.

"Can we not do this?" I asked.

She ignored me again, she moved to stand in front of me.

"I said I was sorry," she said, "I didn't think this would happen."

"It's not your fault," I said, "I did this, not you."

"Noah," she said seriously.

"What?" I asked, "I could have just left."

"No, you couldn't have," she said, "You had to talk to her."

"So?" I asked.

"They shouldn't punish you for that."

"They did."

I could have hurt her, that's why we are supposed to have our first meeting here.

I get that, I just couldn't wait.

"On the plus side," she said, smiling lightly, "You didn't change."

"Maybe not there," I said, "But when I first saw her, I did."

"What?" she gasped, "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"See," I said, "My fault."

She looked suddenly worried.

"What?" I asked.

She looked at me, her worried look turned to anger.

"You could have hurt those boys," she said, "You need to tell me stuff like that."

"I didn't think about it," I admitted, "I wasn't thinking about changing, I just wanted to see her."

"You're an idiot," she said, "I get that you wanted to see her, but you need to think about others."

I only nodded. I didn't want her to lecture me.

"What if you did change?" she asked, "What if you hurt her?"

I didn't know what to say to that. I wasn't worried about changing. Part of me knew that it wouldn't happen.

How do I explain that? I have had pretty good control of myself in the last few years.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I'm sorry, that I am so fucking selfish."

She glared at me.

"You are clearly in a mood," she said, "But I suppose you have a right to be."

Why was everybody so fucking nice to me? I was very clearly being an asshole.

"You are in pain, and you are acting like a dick," she said, "You can act however you want right now. Tomorrow, you better pull your head out of your ass."

"I know," I said.

"You are lucky I love you," she said.

She moved forward to hug me but stopped.

I was thankful she didn't touch me.

"I almost forgot," she mumbled.

I only nodded.

"So, your interview is tomorrow?" she asked.

I nodded again.

"Are you excited?"

I just looked at her.

"I guess excited might be the wrong word."

"I am looking forward to seeing her again," I said, "I only wish it wasn't like this."

I wouldn't admit to her how much pain I was in. She would only worry.

"That's fair," she said, "I still can't believe that your mate is someone I know."

I was still irritated about that.

At least a year, they have known each other.

"She is a good person," she said, "I just wish that this could have happened sooner."

"Sooner?" I asked her, "Aren't you the one that always says things happen for a reason?"

"Yeah," she said, "But it just feels so weird."

"Weird sounds about right."

"Your interview is going to go perfect," she said, "And I can't wait to hear about it."

Things never go perfectly. Not when I'm involved.

"Be a little more positive," she said, poking my forehead, "I see that frown."

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?" I asked.

"She said you were beautiful," Eileen stated, "I don't think that will be a problem."

"You can think someone is beautiful and not want to be with them," I stated.

"Sure," she said, "But not all of them are your mate."

I don't think anything she says could quiet my worries.

"I love you, big brother," Eileen said, "I hope I see you before your interview, but in case I don't, I wish you all the luck in the world."

"Who will help me decide what to wear?" I fake asked.

"You better not be joking," she gasped, "I know the perfect outfit."

I hesitated; did I really want her to dress me? She did say perfect.

"What did you have in mind?"

She grinned at me.

Shay:

Jody is a blessing.

We sat on my bed, and I told her about what happened yesterday.

"So," she said, "You like him?"

"Yes," I said, "How many times do I have to say it?"

"Do you want to sex him up?" she asked.

I felt all the blood rush to my face.

"You do!" she said accusingly.

I had to cover my face.

"Damn," she said, "How hot is this guy exactly?"

"I called him beautiful."

She laughed, "You idiot."

I was already embarrassed enough that I said it at all.

"He is really, really hot," I admitted, "How else can I explain it?"

"On a scale of one to ten," she said.

"Eleven," I stated.

She made a noise while she thought about it.

"I need to meet him," she said.

"My match interview is tomorrow," I said.

She made a face, "Fuck."

"What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Hope your match is a twelve," she shrugged.

I made a whining sound before lying back.

"You have a choice to make," she said.

"What choice?" I asked.

"Well, if you like this Noah guy," she said, "Maybe don't even do the interview."

"What?" I asked, "I already signed all that paperwork."

She made a face, "Fuck, you're right."

She took a drink of the weird pink concoction she made.

"Well," she said, "If Noah is the one, then the interview will be a breeze."

"Really?" I asked.

She nodded, "You don't typically react to guys like this, so I have a good feeling about this guy."

I don't know why, but I really needed to hear her say that.

I felt my eyes start to water.

"Woah," she said, "Knock that off."

I couldn't help but laugh, then I started to cry.

She didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around me.

I heard the ice in her cup as she took a drink with me in her arms.

"I am looking forward to meeting him," she said, "I'm serious."

I knew she was.

"You'll agree with me," I said.

I pulled back to look at her.

She handed me the cup, and I was thankful it didn't taste like straight vodka.

"I can't wait to meet your interview guy," I said, "You never even told me his name."

She grinned at me, "It's Delaney."

"Sounds like a babe already," I said.

She just laughed. The alcohol was working.

"Just wait," she said, "One day, we'll go on double dates."

I was honestly ecstatic about that idea.

"What would we even do?" I asked.

"Fuck if I know," she said, "What do normal couples do?"

I had to think about that, "Brunch?"

She laughed again.

"Movie dates, I guess?" I shrugged "Dinners."

"What about weird couples?" she asked, "I want to make a vase, and have him sit behind me and help."

"You watch too many movies," I said.

"What if they had a place that you could make your own dildo?" she asked.

"I mean, I'm sure they do," I stated, "That would be an interesting date."

"Getting a couples deal on dildos," she said, "His and mine."

She laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Why does he need one?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Don't some guys like the anal stimulation?"

"I haven't been with one that did," I shrugged.

"I have," she stated, "He actually used one of mine."

"Do you still have it?" I asked her.

She looked at me seriously.

"Fuck no," she said, "I let him keep it."

I giggled at that, before taking another drink.

"Slow down, lady," Jody said, "We still need to be able to go get the boys."

I nodded. I wasn't drinking that much.

"What time is it?" she asked me.

I looked at the clock next to my bed.

"4:15 PM."

She nodded, "That gives us at least another hour of drinking."

I nodded.

She finished off the cup, "We need more!"

I watched her get up and nearly trip on the small hamper next to my bed.

"Careful," I said, laughing.

"I'm not drunk," she said, "I just didn't see that little jerk."

I just grinned as I followed her into the kitchen to make another drink.

Noah:

The pain wasn't as bad this morning.

A small blessing, but still not what I was hoping for.

Eileen helped me pick out something to wear today. The more I stared at the small pile of clothes, the more nervous I became.

Would it be too weird?

It wasn't like I was exposing any skin. It still felt strange to wear a shirt that was tighter than I was used to.

Eileen said it would show off my body. I couldn't argue with that.

I just wasn't sure that was the kind of thing Shay wanted to see right off the bat.

I mean, I guess it made sense. I wouldn't mind seeing her in something tight.

Though, I knew I was interested in her already. This might only weird her out.

It didn't matter, I still had hours before I had to meet her.

I just needed to do a couple of things to get ready.

I would eat something first. Then I would take a shower and get dressed.