9 Grand Escapes and Problem-Solving

Aloha human,

Today it seems like I'm in a giving mood. Why you might ask. Well…I figured out how to make Ra less…manly.

And before you say anything, because I know you will, let me say that I am NOT making Ra less manly because I'm not manly. No, why would I, the GREAT DESPAIR, ever demean myself to be compared to a loser like Ra. No, the only reason I am making Ra less manly is that I have to keep Rin's self-esteem up.

Yes, I care that much about Rin that I would make my own, beloved familiar a fat golden pigeon. HAHAHAHHAHA

I TRULY AM A BENEVOLENT DEMON! HAHAHHA-

d-did you just call me a LIAR!

OH NOW YOU'VE…(the usual tirade that he goes on)…I WILL BURN…(the I will burn you alive part)…WHAT ARE YOU…(the part where he is threatened by manga)…STOP IT PLEASE! (and he's defeated)

JUST BECAUSE YOUR SOME FANCY "YAKUZA BOSS," DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MURDER ALL THOSE POOR, INNOCENT MANGA!

I can't believe you actually got people to believe you're a god by using MY bombs. Jeez, it was just an implosion bomb. And NO, you will not burn any more manga in threatening me!

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

…because I already sent an ice bomb as you asked for. SO NOW YOU CAN'T HURT THE MANGA!

HAHAHAHAHA, CHECKMATE B****!

Well now that I have thoroughly beaten you in this mind game, I'll tell you about my time spying on Rin and Yukio as they recruit Shiemi.

Yes…I know I said I was going to deal with Darth Paku at some immediately, but she's really sca- important for character arcs. (I WAS NOT GOING TO SAY SCARY! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!)

I'll deal with her some other time, right now, all I want to do is spy on people.

So it turns out, I can see through Mr. Pigeon's (aka Ra) eyes. At the time, I thought:

'This will make spying sooooo much easier.'

WRONG, DEAD WRONG

MR. PIGEON IS USELESS FOR SPYING BECAUSE:

1. HE'S A FAT, GOLDEN, SHINING PIGEON.

2. I CAN'T HEAR FROM HIS EARS

3. HE'S AN ANNOYING BASTARD

Ok, I admit, that last reason might not be bad for spying, but that doesn't excuse it. Spies are supposed to be awesome and handsome, like me, not glowing and annoying.

Now you might be like:

"Well then just keep spying on Rin and Yukio in person. Isn't that what you were already doing?"

Yeah, well Mr. Pigeon decided to tell me THE NIGHT BEFORE the Garden of Amahara part happened. SO I WAS LIKE:

"OHHH that's amazing Mr. Pigeon! You aren't useless after all!"

Guess what happened when I told Mr. Pigeon to go outside the Okumura brother's window and spy. He went, I watched…AND DIDN'T HEAR ANY OF THE GLORIOUS CONVERSATION!

By the time I realized my mistake, they were already leaving to go to the shop. So then I had to run and change out of my pajamas, try and find the key that Mephisto gave me, and then sprint over to the shop.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT TO SEE…BARELY ANYTHING.

When I showed up, Shiemi had already fainted and Rin was already beating up plants. I even missed the part where the demon appeared. (It took me a long time to find that key.)

Fortunately, I got to see Yukio be a bada** and saw Rin obliterate the plant demon. Unfortunately, Yukio spotted me. (Obviously Mr. Pigeon's fault)

I heard Yukio start to say:

"What are you doing here?"

But I acted like I didn't hear him and ran away. That was a close one, but I managed to escape without drawing any suspicion.

OH SHUT UP HUMAN! HAVE YOU SEEN MY SPY SKILLS? IF I SAY THERE'S NO SUSPICION, THEN THERE IS NO F***ING SUSPICION!

Oh wait, you're right…you can't see my spy skills cause your reading this letter. Didn't think of that…

You know what, let's talk about what happened after I made my grand escape.

So the next day, I showed up in class and sat next to Rin like I normally do. But then, I realized a tiny little problem. This is Shiemi's seat…

OH F***ING SH** NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!

There's a rather large moral dilemma here.

I can either move out of the seat, and let Shiemi sit there, or can stay and see what happens. While I was thinking through this very important problem, Yukio suddenly walked in with Shiemi.

This problem would take a while to solve, and I needed all the time I could get. So in the name of problem-solving…I made Shima piss his pants.

Bon and Konekomaru suddenly jumped out of their seats and began shouting at Shima. Shima looked like a ghost, pale-faced, and accepting death. The large fuss drew the attention of the entire class, who then began either laughing or scowling.

Darth Paku looked really angry, which was really sca- different than what original Paku would've looked like.

Eventually, after making Shima pee himself once more, I made my choice.

I would…not move and see what would happen.

Yukio introduced the class to Shiemi, who then decided to sit in the desk behind me. Rin began blabbering and blushing like an idiot while doing his usual talk with Shiemi.

Inside, I gave myself a pat on the back.

'I am so amazing. Dealing with that problem was easy peasy.' I thought.

Then Darth Paku raised her hand.

"Can we start on the lesson now. We've wasted enough time watching that pink-haired idiot piss himself." She said.

UGGGGHHHHHH… JUST WHEN SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS, YOU JUST HAVE TO RUIN IT DARTH PAKU!

OHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT MISSION WITH PEG LANTERNS! HAH HAHAHA

FROM,

A demon who has murderous intentions

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