5 Being Slick

Hello, you SEXY bastard,

I must say that you have surprised me GREATLY. Who would've thought that the human the great Demon of Despair chose would be a f***ing bada**? Like, are you even human? I mean you beat up 10 police officers with a rusty butter knife.

Even though you were eventually arrested, you have earned my utmost respect. Unfortunately, you did the thing I specifically told you NOT to do.

YOU GOT THE DEATH SENTENCE YOU DAMN BASTARD!

I have contingencies though human, but this better not happen again. This letter's bomb is very special when you pass the quiz handle it VERY carefully. It is a bomb I infused with some special fire that doesn't stop burning until a week has passed. It will burn down the entire prison facility.

You might have noticed the extra little vial of mysterious substance attached to the letter. That vial will give you immunity to the flames for a week, so read the letter, drink the vial, then blow up the bomb.

I had to tap into my energy reserves to send you all this extra stuff so use it wisely.

Now that I've explained that, let's get back to some Blue Exorcist action.

I left you last time with some…issues concerning timelines. I might have accidentally brutally murdered Paku's father right in front of her, which may or may not lead her into becoming Batman. (Or is it Batwoman?)

Of course, I'm not saying she's going to dress up in weird costumes and talk like a pack a day smoker, buutt I am now certain that I have altered the timeline.

Which is…fine I guess, Paku's involvement shouldn't be too troublesome…right?

I'm overthinking this, Paku will definitely be so emotionally distraught that she becomes depressed and will leave the cram school anyway. She will NOT become a hooded vigilante who beats up demons.

You know what, I'm going to tell you about happier things, enough with this Paku nonsense.

I have successfully secured a spot in the pink limo that will pick up Rin and Yukio and take them to True Cross Academy. Awesome, right?

I had casually brought it up with Mephisto. The conversation went like this:

Me: So Mephisto, I heard the Paladin died.

Mephisto: My…are you interested?

Me: NO definitely not! But I also spied you talking to the Paladin's sons.

Mephisto: So you are interested.

Me: No no no, I am merely…curious.

Mephisto: That means you're interested.

Me: F*** you clown. Just give me a spot on the pink limo when you go and pick them up.

So that's how I got a spot on the limo. Slick, right?

This would be the first time I could officially meet the Okumura brothers and I wanted to make a good impression. So I put on my True Cross Academy uniform, ate a breath mint, and put on my best cool silent guy façade.

I hopped into the limo and adjusted my posture till I had the perfect, "relaxed powerful dude" sitting position. Mephisto had gone ahead to collect Rin and Yukio so I waited for my moment to shine.

"Who the hell are you?" Rin said as he opened the door and climbed in.

I waited for a second and casually looked him up and down before looking away and not responding.

Mephisto gave me a curious glance from outside the car.

"Boys, I would like you to meet my son, William. I hope that you will become the best of friends with him. It is hard being the only son of such a powerful and distinguished person such as myself." Mephisto said, almost mockingly.

I blushed slightly as I angrily shouted at the demon:

"SHUT UP YOU DAMN CLOWN!"

I quickly regained my composure though and reminded myself that I had to be cool.

'You're in a manga now William. You have to be super cool!' I thought.

In my periphery vision, I could see Yukio narrowing his eyes at me. He was probably shocked to hear Mephisto call me his son. The word of my adoption had never gotten out, as I kept to myself, and Mephisto never felt like telling anyone till now.

"I'm Rin Okumura. Nice to meet you." Rin said in a guarded tone that implied that it was not nice to meet me.

"I'm his brother Yukio Okumura. It's a pleasure to meet you." Yukio said in a much nicer way than Rin.

'THEY ARE SO COOL!' I thought.

They took two seats across from me and Mephisto took one directly behind the driver.

We started driving off to True Cross with Mephisto whistling, Rin looking pissed, and Yukio intently staring at a piece of paper.

The three of them made some small talk, but I decided that it wouldn't fit my persona to engage with them. I was, however, eagerly waiting for us to arrive so I could hear Mephisto say:

"Your tie knotting skill is quite extraordinary."

'HOLY CRAP HE SAID IT! SO COOL!'

When the entrance ceremony came, I was completely ready to soak in Yukio's speech when the announcer said something very…surprising.

"Meet your freshman class representatives: Yukio Okumura and…William Faust!"

S***…I did it again. I vaguely remember taking the entrance exam to get into True Cross Academy.

NOOOO, I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION AND ACCIDENTLY ACED THE EXAM!

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SPEECH, I MUST'VE NOT SEEN THE NOTICE THEY SENT TELLING ME I WAS GOING TO MAKE ONE. NOOOOO!

As I walked up to the stage with Yukio just in front of me.

'Come up with something to say as Yukio talking. You can do it, William, you are the f***ing Oppressor of Happiness, the MONARCH OF MISERY…THINK!'

When Yukio's speech ended, I took a deep breath in, then started talking.

"What he said."

Then I was done. That might be the slickest thing I have ever-

THAT'S NOT SLICK YOU SAY. DON'T FORGET HUMAN, I AM THE ONE BREAKING YOU OUT OF JAIL. ANYTHING I CALL SLICK...IS F***ING SLICK!

NOW YOU'VE GOT ME IN A FOUL MOOD. GOOD-BYE YOU DAMN HUMAN, I HOPE YOU BURN OF YOUR LEG WITH MY FIRE BOMB.

FROM,

THE SLICKEST DEMON OF ALL TIME