2 Chapter II - No Sheep, Sherlock

I sat on my office waiting for my first case. Everybody said working as a detective was boring, but that did not mean I could not enjoy it. I waited, and I waited, until Officer Heinz barged in without knocking and slammed a paper on my table then left without saying a word because he was that rude. I examined the paper. The crease on the centre and clean surface indicated that he hid it between a book, so possibly he lost his way to get to me. I know that made no sense but I started reading the darn thing. Written on it was:

"Help me, anyone, my flock of sheep have gone missing. I am beginning to think of it as the work of the fucking chupacabra"

I sprang up from my chair on wheels and sniffed the paper to locate the individual who wrote it. I wondered why they did not care to write their address in but I found them anyway on a farm. An old man who looked like he was done with people and could whoop my ass at any given moment stood by the fence looking directly into my soul.

"Are you a detective?" he asked with a deep grumpy voice. "I swear, if you're not, and if you come any closer I will whoop your ass!"

"I'm a detective, actually" said I

"Where's your deerstalker hat and magnifying glass?"

I knew that he was referring to Sherlock Holmes

"Oh Sherlock Holmes never really wore the deerstalker." I said with confidence "He was just drawn wearing the hat on the strand magazine to make him more recognizable"

"Are you Sherlock Holmes?"

"No"

"Then what use are you to me?

"Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character"

"Bullshit!" he cried. "If Sherlock Holmes never existed then how do you explain his darn biography?" I knew he was talking about the books of Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle. I have never been so frustrated so I introduced myself falsely as the consulting detective himself.

"Okay, fine, you win! I'm Sherlock Holmes"

"Oh yeah? prove it!"

"Well, what would you like me to deduce?" I asked

"Well, what can you deduce by looking at me, you little shit?"

"Old" I pointed out. It appeared as if I left the man speechless. Speechless enough to make him believe me that he showed me where his flock of sheep had been before the mysterious disappearance.

"As you can see" He said "No sheep, Sherlock"

"Omoshiroi" I said with a deep voice which would have probably made me sound like some kind of weeb if the man was a normal teenager.

"What was that? Are you insulting me?" He asked "Calling me 'Oh-no-sugar-Roy' are ye?!" he seemed quite offended not knowing it was his fault for mishearing me.

"What? No! 'Omoshiroi' is japanese for-" I was about to explain to him that it was japanese for "Interesting" but he cut me off and raised a finger like a strict PE teacher.

"Listen here ya little shit!" He scolded at me "My sheep are gone, it's cold, and I need to shave them to make a wool sweater! Do you want me to freeze to death? Because if you want me to freeze to death I will haunt you as a fucking ghost and my name will appear on your gravestone as your cause of death!" It was too much for me that I did not understand a single thing he said.

"I will gladly take whatever you said in one ear and out the other" I said

"Just find my missing flock of sheep if you don't want to kiss my damn foot! Look at it, it needs worshipping!"

And so I continued the quest to find his flock of sheep. But a thought had come to my mind- I needed a companion, so I took out my phone to call my workmates from the precinct. They were all unavailable, but it was obvious to me that they were being lazy because there was a hint of karaoke on the background. I was about to turn off my phone until it was passed on to someone with a hint of interest.

"Hello?" the voice sounded like a female about five years younger than me "Detective Habitat?"

"Yes, don't mind the name" I replied "I just need assistance on a darn barn. How can a flock of sheep go missing?"

"I don't know, they ran away?"

"Without leaving any footprint? That answer is too obvious I need a more reasonable answer or some shit"

"Tracing your call now" She said as I heard the tapping of keys on the other side of the line.

"What's your name?" I asked before I heard the shattering of a cup and the splash of any edible liquid which I assumed was tea.

"Jane"

"And your surname?"

"Surname"

"Yeah, your surname"

"Umm... Surname" she started to confuse me but then I came to a realization

"Your surname is 'Surname' ?" I asked with confusion.

"Yes, my surname is 'Surname' " She confirmed. I heard through the phone the noise of a door opening and closing, which transitioned to the noise of cars yelling at each other, and finally transitioned to a car door opening and closing before she hung up without saying "Goodbye". I figured that she was on her way.