1 I don't matter....

"CYNTHIA! WHY IS YOUR BROTHER CRYING ABOUT HIS BROKEN TROPHY?! DID YOU BREAK IT?!" Same as usual. I'm always to blame. I need my family to survive, but is it worth it if I'm miserable?

My so-called mom barged in my room yelling. All I heard was that I was a disappointment. I know... I'll try to be a better daughter. I smiled as she yelled at me... trying to act like nothing's wrong.

"You are always smiling. You're terrible at everything, even being a child!" Ouch. I am really trying to pretend as if nothing is wrong, stop making it harder. I placed my headphones on hoping she'll go away. I put music on hoping it'll wash all the pain away. I looked at her, she was clearly mad as hell but she stormed out and slammed the door. She's finally gone... I'll fix Alex's trophy later. Why am I always to blame? I didn't do anything. I headed downstairs with my art materials and gathered the piece of the broken trophy and made sure it looked as it used to. Alex looked at me as I worked. He clearly didn't know what was going on between my mom and I and, it's better if it stayed that way.

"Thank you, Cynthia." He said. I gave him a small smile and headed upstairs with my supplies. I was glad my little brother didn't know what was going on but my older brother knew what was going on and decided to be a bitch about it. I put my stuff away but was rudely interrupted by Christian who pulled on my ponytail.

"What the heck bro?!" I yelled. He snickered.

"How did you enjoy being yelled at?" He asked. I looked at him, I was enraged. Ugh, whatever. I need to meet up with my friends. I grabbed my phone and my bag as I left my room leaving Christian there. I walked to our usual meeting spot, but this time they were with Jasmine. Jasmine used to be my best friend until I found out she spread a rumor about me in middle school saying I was desperate. I looked at my friends and my boyfriend talking to Jasmine.

"Hi, guys. Hi babe." I said as I approached them. Jasmine gave me a death glare. I guess she wasn't so happy about being suspended on the day of our middle school dance.

"Look babe... we need to talk in private." I already knew what might happen.

"Oh... ok." I trailed behind him. everyone started giving me a glare. Once we were far from the group, he said,

"Cynthia, I think we should break up. I just need time." I stood there in shock. I was trying to not cry.

"Oh... ok." Then I walked off back to the group. On the way back, I was trying different excuses in my head so I could leave. I approached the group and said,

"I have to go." Bethany looked shocked. Bethany was like my best, best friend since we were five, she knew when something was bothering me and she clearly knew.

"Can I come with?" I wanted to say no so badly but I felt hurt. My life was turning around and It wasn't good.

"Sure....." I hurried away as I saw Eric coming towards the group. Eric looked upset, but he shook that feeling off immediately. I rushed home as Bethany followed me trying to figure out what happened. Once we entered my room she closed the door and comforted me as I cried into my knees. Bethany stayed over just to make sure I was ok. I kept saying I was, but I really wasn't. I was in pain. I jolted awake in the middle of the night. I checked my phone and saw a post where Jasmine and Eric. I had enough.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear family,

I love you. I hope you live better without a mistake like me. Alex, thanks for being there when I needed it. Christian, you may bully me but I still love you. Mom, I'm so sorry. I know it was hard for you when dad died but I really tried to help. I hope your life is better without me. I love you all. See you on the other side.....

Love, Cynthia.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Bethany,

Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for not betraying me as Jasmine did in the eighth grade. I put 5000 dollars away for your 16th birthday party. I was saving up hoping I could get something you loved. Sorry I won't be there. I'll be watching above. Please have an awesome party. Enjoy it. Enjoy life. I'll always be here when you need me but the pain I feel is unbearable. I'm so sorry. I love you bestie. Try to ask Christian out, he may be an annoying brother but, he really likes you too. You'll make an awesome couple. I hope you live a long healthy life.

Love, Cynthia.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Eric,

I love you. I hope you live better without me. I hope your new girl-friend treats you well. I'm sorry I wasn't the girlfriend you wanted but I can't stand all the pain. When I finally put one to the side another one comes and breaks my heart. I really loved you. I had planned a party for when you graduate. I guess you won't need that. Bye, see you on the other side....

Love, Cynthia.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I placed Bethany's letter and the money in her bag and placed the other letters on my dresser. I headed to the bathroom. Hoping, I won't hurt Bethany. She means a lot to me and I hope the all my allowance was enough. I closed the door behind me but I didn't lock it. I slid the razor across my wrist as the piercing pain made my eyes tear up. Everything seemed to fade slowly. Cut by cut.

Oh, sweet life.

Gone forever.

Never gonna have another chance.

Blood gushing.

Pain slowly fades

Bye guys...

I love you...