38 You’re Allowed To Cry

I couldn't stop the tears from falling for a long time. It just kept soaking Jin Longwen's clothes.

They were overflowing, my emotions, streaming down like a river without an end to it. Perhaps it would be when the stream joined the ocean, but even the tide couldn't stop the water from moving.

My eyes were beginning to hurt, however it was no more than my heart. I clutched the fabric of his clothes with a tight grip as if it was the last string preventing me from going over the edge.

I had never thought before, there would come a day when I would be this weak. Yet, likewise, I had never thought it would be this sweet, better than staying strong.

It was addicting, relieving from this eternal grief though I knew it would still be there when I ran out of tears. But at least, it would be less painful.

However, what my heart couldn't stop craving was the gentle warmth of his temperature and the soft touch of his big hand atop my head, caressing my ink-dark hair over and over again.

I didn't wish for it, but the reaction from my body was honest. It knew what it wanted and it was plain and simple - compassion.

It wasn't just me, but perhaps Li Fei as well. Her body and my soul were tired. Tired of fighting a losing war, tired of the endless cold eyes watching us, and above all, fed up of what reality had done to us.

When love was all we had, but even that had been taken away. Hers was a beautiful lie and mine was a never ever after.

So, the only thing we could beg for was perhaps compassion and that was it. Not more, not less.

"I'm sorry," I cooed between my sobs.

But there was no response. Silence was what pushed me to lift my head and met his grey eyes.

I thought right there, it was finished. I had abused his kindness and overstepped his boundary. What manner of a guest I had. Hence, I was ready to leave.

But to my surprise, he carefully wiped away my tears. One drop after another. He wiped it all away. Even when it continued to flow, he patiently did so.

I turned absentminded at his gesture. Slowly, the dull aching within my heart subsided and my vision cleared out.

Now I could see him crystal clear and realized the familiar yet foreign gaze he had on me.

'What is it, this feeling, swirling within his eyes?' I asked in my heart.

After he had taken away all the tears with his hand, he finally met my eyes. A placid expression and a slight smile. That was all there was.

"You don't have to apologize," he said.

I raised an eyebrow at his plain answer. I almost laughed to myself for being worried of his opinion. True, I didn't have to apologize. After all, this was nothing to him.

I smiled derisively. This was it, the real heart of a human.

"Because it's insignificant?" I asked, throwing in a mocking tone.

But then, I saw the crease on his forehead getting clearer by the seconds.

"No," he shook his head. Then, he looked at me right in the eyes and said, "Because you're allowed to cry and I'm not a judge."

He paused momentarily before he stroked my cheek and added, "I'm your friend."

I was instantly dumbstruck at his confession.

'I am your friend.'

Perhaps it was because I had taken refuge in Li Fei's body that the term "friend" sounded rather distant. It was a word that was foreign in her ears. But that didn't deter myself from chuckling at his joke.

"Don't jest. How can you be my friend when we've only just met a couple of hours ago?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Technically, it's been a day."

I snorted and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Okay. 24 hours."

"Which is long enough if we see how fast time went by these days."

I narrowed my eyes. "It's still doesn't justify our relationship."

Afterwards, he put on an overly surprised face while he had his hand over his chest. I wondered if he knew how bad of an actor he was.

"I thought after we have gone through a life and death situation together, it would be enough to justify our relationship," he said with an amazingly high voice that was supposed to be his shock impression, "I'm shook by your cruelness."

My jaw dropped. I was blinded by his cringe-worthy performance. I acted disdainfully at him.

"Aren't you ashamed?" I asked.

Then, he put down his hand and looked at me with a deadpan face as he said, "I have zero shame coursing through my body."

My lips twitched. I went speechless at his answer. Indeed, shameless.

"So?"

He looked at me eagerly which earned him a shake of my head.

"We're not friends-"

He interrupted my sentence with a heavy sigh before I could even finish it.

"And here I am, still frightened after a near death experience," he said as he put on a pitiful face.

I really wished I could just bash this man to oblivion. But I had to admit, I did crashed his car to the edge of the road.

"Fine. I'm sorry for crashing your precious car and scaring your-" I paused and pat on his chest before continuing, "Poor little heart."

He grinned widely at my action. But, that smile didn't last long.

"It's not like my car wasn't crashed either and yet I'm fine," I murmured to myself, but deliberately be loud enough for him to hear.

That was when I caught a piercing aura hovering around him and his eyes darkened instantly. I was taken aback by the sudden change of his mood.

"What?"

He shook his head, before peering at me.

"Great skills by the way," he praised sincerely.

I knew what he meant in that instant. He was talking about my driving skill. So, I nodded and said, "Likewise."

"Don't worry about the damage. They'll fix your Aston like before," he stated as he went to pat my head.

I tilted my head sideways. "Aston?"

He raised an eyebrow at my question. "Don't tell me you don't know the brand of your car?"

I blinked my eyes innocently before saying, "Girls don't play with cars. We do shopping."

"And yet you went for a race."

"It was urgent," I told him.

"Urgent to hyperventilate?" He asked before snorting.

"Ugh.." I groaned. "I needed a relief."

"I didn't know racing is considered a relaxation." He propped his head on his hand. "Huh, that's new."

I stared at him expressionlessly. "And you said you're not the judge."

"It's called stating facts, not judging," he stressed the last word.

I sighed. "I can never win against you, can I?"

"Well, you won the race," he said.

"But not the debate."

He waved his index finger in front of me. "That, I doubt you'll ever win."

"I hate you."

"Thanks."