46 Will We Ever Meet Again?

"Sorry," he repeated once more as if once wasn't enough to express how sorry he was.

Jin Longwen extended his hand and brushed off the tears that trickled down my cheeks. "I really am-"

"How many times are you going to say sorry?!" I interjected before he could say another word. Casting his hand aside, I wiped clear all of my tears with my own hand.

"As many as it takes until you know-"

Again, I cut him short, "It's not your fault." I stressed it once and for all. "I gave in too, didn't I? If there's anyone to blame, I can only blame myself from being weak."

I saw him pursing his lips and there was a turbulence in his pair of beautiful gray eyes. I didn't know how myself, but I was sure he knew what I was going to say next.

Therefore he said it first, "Well then, like you said, it takes two people. So, let's end it that way."

I chuckled in response. Another drop of tears rolled down from the edge of my eyes. I looked up to the ceiling.

"We kissed. What's the big deal?" I turned back to face him. Jin Longwen's eyebrows were furrowed and there was a hint of displeasure displayed on his face.

I smiled bitterly. "So, why is it so hard?"

With the question I let out, the frown on his forehead was slowly easing away. His whole expression softened and everything else was replaced with nothing but sadness.

"It wouldn't be," he replied. His voice was faint but it was clear enough as he added, "It wouldn't be hard if you share it."

I blinked my eyes as I gazed at the man absentmindedly. 'Share it.' If it was that easy to open up, I wouldn't be this miserable, would I?

But some things were not meant to be said. Some things were just better to be kept hidden, so no one would be hurt. I didn't want to hurt this kind man any further. He had been the first person who cared for me when I had settled in this body.

I wanted to keep him away from this darkness. I didn't want him to fall together with me into this bottomless pit.

What would I say anyway if I decided to tell him? That I had been Airi and now reborn as Li Fei after a car accident? It couldn't be any less illogical than that.

"I'm your friend, remember?" He broke off my train of thoughts.

I pursed my lips at his question. I remained silent as I knew it myself, I was incapable of denying nor accepting it. But I couldn't stop myself from wondering, how much did it hurt him to repeat that lie over and over again?

To what extend did my presence affect him in order to make him this desperate to have a relationship with me?

"But it's not a story to tell," I finally answered.

He chuckled and looked at me like I was a foolish little girl. He ruffled my hair affectionately. "It's not a story if it can't be told."

I raised an eyebrow in confusion. Then, I saw the corner of his lips voluntarily lifted. Yet, his expression was far from joy. The color of his eyes dimmed.

"It's called a secret if it has to be kept hidden."

My lips trembled and my hand clenched into a fist clutching at the bed sheet. I bit my lower lip trying to hold back the intensifying pain inside my chest.

"It's not that you can't tell the story. You just don't want to," he continued, "You're not ready, am I right?"

I chuckled exasperatedly. How was one supposed to feel when someone called them out in the open like this?

How was one supposed to feel when their armor was torn off one piece at a time until they had nothing left to hide them from the truth?

"Why do you do this?" My voice was quivering and I felt a lump stuck inside my throat.

He took my hand into his and interlaced our fingers together. "Because I want you to start being true to yourself. I want you to know there's nothing to be scared of, because no matter what, you have survived, haven't you? That proves how strong you are."

'That proves how strong you are.'

When that sentence came out, Lian-ge's voice rang into my head as well.

"You can and you will."

He too had believed I could get over this. He too believed in my strength just as Jin Longwen did. But they had missed on one thing, they were not the one who was left behind. They were not the one who had woken up alone and knowing that everyone else had gone.

"I'm not as strong as you think I am. If I was that strong as you had believed, I wouldn't be crying, would I?" I asked him, smiling bitterly towards myself. "In the end, I'm just a crybaby."

He knitted his eyebrows in disagreement. "You know that's not true. Even if you are beaten down black and blue, you can't deny the fact that you're still here standing."

I giggled between my tears. I let another drop fell onto the bed. "Technically speaking, I'm currently lying down on your bed."

He laughed a bit. "You really have an impeccable timing to crack a joke."

I let out another round of giggle then. "Well, like you said, the fact that I still can laugh means that I'm strong, right?"

But, nothing could've prepared me for what he said next.

"So, why are you hiding and breaking down alone?"

My heart slammed against my chest at his question. That was true. He knew, didn't he? His sharp gaze had looked right into me and there was nothing left that I could do to conceal myself from him.

From the start, I had made the wrong move to fall into his arm and let him breathed into me. It was then, he had started stepping into the darkness and discovered a part of me who had been lost under the pitch black night, enjoying the embrace of the darkness, even if it had left me in a bloody mess with no way for the scar to heal after the constant touch of the shadows in the past.

I smiled absentmindedly at the man. "Because that is what I deserve."

"Torturing yourself? Blaming yourself for whatever it was that caused you to be this way?"

My eyebrows furrowed at his indication. There was something in his voice that told me, he had been walking the same path all along. But still...

"I don't understand."

He smiled faintly. "You don't have to." He looked at me then, deeply and ever so painfully. "Because it's not a story to tell."

In that moment, my hand had subconsciously tightened in his grip. He felt the pressure as he responded back to it. I couldn't help but wonder then, was this how he felt when I told him the same thing?

"I just don't want you to fall further, Little Fei."

"But, I don't have a choice but to fall."

He inched closer to me and pressed his forehead against mine. "You do. Everyone always have a choice."

"What did you pick then?" I asked.

He closed his eyes, smiling. "Unfortunately, I chose to run away."

"Did you regret it?"

He opened his eyes and his gray iris reflected nothing but me. "I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't."

"Right." I chuckled softly. "How did you get out of it then?"

He stroked my cheek gently with his fingers. "The thing about regret, there's no escaping it. You can only live through it."

I smiled and for the first time, I reached out and touched the man's cheek. "There's no saving for me then."

Because if anything, the only thing that was left of me was a soul reincarnated out of sin and bound to regrets that could never be outlived unless I perished from this life. Yet, the easy way was cut off early with the arrival of this second chance.

"Hey, Longwen."

His grip on me tightened. I smiled feeling the intensity of his feeling. It was funny how in this short meeting of us, he had figured me out this much to the point that he could guess what I was thinking. I stroked his cheek slightly. "It's time for me to go home."

"Can we meet again?" He asked.

I brushed away a strand of his short dark hair that had fallen to his forehead.

"No. Let me rephrase that."

I stopped my movement and lowered my gaze to his level.

"Will we ever meet again?"

In that instant, I smiled and my lips met his and the two temperature melted into a kiss.

After our lips parted away, I gave the man one final glance before I got off the bed and headed towards the bathroom to change.