56 Humanity

My eyes snapped open at the sound of footsteps coming from the other side of the door. I stared quietly at the shadow hovering beneath the door.

Though it might be hard to deduce who it was but to Li Fei, she had been overly familiar with these footsteps. Thus, even in my delirious state, I could guess it was Huang Qian.

My dry lips slightly parted before they closed again. I didn't know what to say and I didn't think my voice would work either. So, I could only watch as I sat weakly on the floor. Eventually, the shadow stopped moving and I heard a couple voices before the knock settled in.

I glanced down at my messy state and then back at the door again. I sighed. With a lot of effort, I stood up from the icy ground and slipped under the duvet. I turned my back on the door.

"Li Fei."

I shut my eyes tight at his call. But despite not receiving any response, Huang Qian kept on knocking. I let the noise continued until suddenly, I heard the sound of key unlocking. In that instant, my eyes snapped open and my body sat up, staring at the door.

My brain was alarmed at the realization that the door had been locked before.

'But, since when?' I asked myself.

When the door was pushed opened, the light from the hallway invaded the dark room. I squinted my eyes and tried to block the light with my hand.

"Oh sorry," Huang Qian apologized as he hurriedly closed the door.

I lowered my hand and his figure came into view. For now, the only source of light was the bedside lamp. I saw him fidgeting while I remained silent.

"Mmm..." He walked forward and brazenly took a seat on the bed. He was neither close nor too far away as he settled down on the spot across me.

"I'm sorry," he apologized out of nowhere with his head facing down.

I knitted my eyebrows. "What are you sorry for?" As I expected, my voice came out broken. But it sounded worse than I had predicted beforehand.

Hearing my voice, Huang Qian raised his head in shock. "Ah, your voice. You must be thirsty," he said while he scratched his head.

"I managed to sneak this in." He pulled out a water bottle from inside his thick woolen sweater before handing it to me. "Here."

I frowned even more deeply as I looked at him weirdly. He 'snuck' this in. Snuck. I balled up my fist. Don't tell me...

Without waiting for another second, I snatched the water bottle from his hand and chugged it down. The cool sensation of water sliding down my throat was honestly very exhilarating right now. Perhaps, it was due to my fever as well.

After I finished the drinking, I went back to look at this brother of mine again. "So," I raise an eyebrow, "What are you sorry for?"

"For not being able to stop father." He sighed. "I don't know how you were able to avoid getting hit, but-"

"What?" I smirked. "You prefer I got hit instead? Sorry to disappoint you, little brother."

Huang Qian expression turned for the worse at my comment. He stared at me crestfallenly. Albeit how he looked at me, I wouldn't buy it so easily. I couldn't trust any of them in this house. Once corrupted, it would be harder to get themselves back out.

Even if he got hit black and blue protecting me, I wouldn't buy such superficialness. He needed more than some lame self-hurting to draw a compassion out of my stone cold heart. Thus, I could not feel any emotion flowing within me when I saw the red mark on his cheek as the result of Huang Lijie's stick.

"Can't you just for once stop being so sarcastic? In fact, you should be thankful that I saved you twice just now from dad."

I scoffed, chuckling in derision. "And you expect me to believe that so easily after what you've done in the past? Wake up, little brother, such little kindness is not enough to make you an angel suddenly."

His head lowered down. I couldn't help but sneered, "If you're going to use some lame excuse like 'I don't have a choice' right now, you should forget it. We both know what really happened."

When he looked at me once again, there was a strange glint in his eyes. I wasn't sure what it meant. But, in the next moment, he called on me. "You've changed," he said.

I knitted my eyebrows. 'Obviously, your sister has long gone.'

"People change," I replied nonchalantly, "Especially after life's fucked them up so badly." I let out a self-mocking smile. "We've got no choice but to adapt."

I chuckled. "You better get used to this new version of your sister."

"I wish you didn't change." He looked at me earnestly. "You feel so different to the point that I can't seem to detect any trace of the sister whom I once knew."

He knitted his eyebrows. "You...feel completely different."

I smiled bitterly. Of course, it would be different. 'You're too late, Huang Qian. Whatever you wish to say to her now, it will already be too late.'

"I'm sorry if you feel that way," I answered indifferently, "But, I can't do anything about it."

I couldn't help but felt nothing towards this little brother or to this whole family. I guessed even if they had been a good family, I still wouldn't have felt connected to them in any way. We were just strangers to begin with.

I could only apologize in my heart for using Li Fei's body. I clenched my fist. If I started feeling anything towards them, those emotions would surely drown me. My plate was already full with my own sin, my own struggle. It couldn't bear anyone else's.

"I know. I'm just sayin-"

"Huang Qian." I stared at him with all the seriousness. "Please don't waste any more time. I know you're not here to make a small talk with your sister."

He exhaled a long exasperated sigh. He looked at me then, smiling, but it didn't bring any joy to his face. "Really?" He shrugged. "Maybe, I do come here only to chat with my sister."

I chuckled. "That's not you."

He gazed at me and I could see the sadness hidden in his eyes. I turned away from that and studied the night scenery through the window instead.

"It hasn't been for a long time, brother," I continued.

"I wonder since when I've changed?"

My eyes traced back to him again. I could tell he was avoiding me then by the way his eyes faced downwards instead of staying on me.

"Since the day you chose to abandon your sister."

He finally raised his gaze to level mine.

"It was then, you started to lose something important that made you who you were before."

"Something important?" He asked.

"Humanity."