59 An Irrefutable Fact

Looking down from above, I watched as Huang Qian struggled to peel off my hands from his neck. Now that I think about it again, I don't know what came into me at that time to be able to produce such strength. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush or it could be just my rage speaking. But, my mind was a complete blank at that time.

All I could think about was hurting him. I really wanted to. It was as if something was boiling within me. Like a volcanic magma gurgling under the Earth's curst and as it shot up to the surface, so did my fury booming atop my head. My clutch on Huang Qian's neck became tighter and tighter.

His words. Everything he had said. They all kept on repeating in my head.

But it wasn't just that. It wasn't only what he had said.

A myriad of memories slowly intruded my mind. One by one they flashed like an old film and as if I could witness it myself, as if I was the actor in this movie, tears began pooling in my eyes.

A little boy with unruly dark hair and a pair of sleepy eyes was sitting by the window as he hugged the big teddy bear in his arms.

"Qian-Qian, you need to sleep," came a sweet voice of a young girl.

A hand was extended towards the boy and it landed on his hair. Despite being messy, his hair felt soft and pleasant to touch. The girl's hand couldn't stop caressing it, while the little boy seemed to be enjoying it.

"No..." the little boy refused as he rubbed his tired eyes, "I want to see it together with you, sister."

The girl's hand stop patting his head. A sigh escaped from her lips. "But, I'm not certain whether it'll come or not. I shouldn't have told you about it. What if it doesn't come?"

The girl seemed to have turned her head to the massive window beside them as the view changed into a beautiful night sky filled with twinkling silver lights waving above them.

"It will come!" Suddenly a clear voice fueled with confidence belonging to the little boy resounded from beside her.

The view shifted again to the little boy. There was no trace of the earlier drowsiness in his eyes but just a pair of obsidians that stared back at the girl with conviction and purity.

Not even a second after the little boy's declaration, it came. It was brighter and more beautiful than anything they had ever seen.

"Qian-Qian quick! Make a wish!" The young girl's hand shook the little boy by his arm.

Complying to his sister's request, he hurriedly gathered his hand into a praying stance and spelled it out loud, "I wish I can always be together with my sisters!!"

Then, the little boy turned his head looked at the girl with puppy eyes. "So don't marry a prince and live in a faraway kingdom, sis. You can just marry me if you want a husband."

A series of laughter broke out from the young girl's mouth. Patting the boy's head, she said, "I promise I will never leave you, little Qian. We'll always be together."

The little boy's eyes sparkled and he raised his little pinky finger. "Promise?"

Without any hesitation, the young girl hooked her finger with his. "Promise."

....

Drip... Drip...

'Huh?'

I felt droplets of tears gliding down my cheeks and falling onto Huang Qian's face. I blinked in confusion as more and more tears landed on his cheeks.

When I came to my consciousness once again, I realized the rage simmering within me had long vanished and only left me with a suffocating heartache.

And when I saw Huang Qian had stopped struggling and his eyes closed beneath me, a sense of lost shrouded my entire being. The sadness eased into me little by little, holding my heart in a tight grip.

With the pain and the grief strangling me from within, I found my hands slowly losing their strength and I heard a voice in my head telling me to stop, telling me to let go.

'You're going to regret it, love.'

And so I did. I let go.

Finding the ability to breathe again, Huang Qian heaved a good amount of oxygen with his mouth and that led him to release a series of cough as he tried to haul himself up.

Meanwhile, I slumped back onto the bed, staring down at the white sheet absentmindedly. As my body came to a relaxation point, I felt as if the strength I had performed just now had only been an illusion and the only thing I could feel now was my weak feverish body losing energy.

I raised my head and watched as Huang Qian tried to stop his coughing. I glanced down at his neck. The clutch I had on him earlier left a mark.

"Why?" I mumbled. 'Why do I have to feel what you feel?'

'Do I really have no choice in this life?'

'Am I only meant to live as somebody else in this lifetime?'

'Was my existence only meant to serve as a replacement?'

It only dawned on me now that even though Li Fei had died, she was never truly gone. She was alive in every way possible. I wasn't living inside her, but it was actually the opposite, she was alive within me. I was bound by her feelings, trapped by her memories, and lived by her life.

Li Fei wasn't dead. But, Airi was.

That was the irrefutable fact which I was forced to accept.

"Fuck", Huang Qian cursed under his breath. "You really are crazy!"

He scoffed. "I felt guilty at first. But now, I'm glad I chose Huang Kun. Sis, don't blame me for being cruel since the way I see it now, you are far crueler than me."

"You were never there ever since you married away. You left us! Do you know what we experienced afterwards?!" He laughed jeeringly. "No, you don't! You never care anyway. So, why should I care about you?"