The Date Swap

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” said Mindy as she took the phone away from Nori and held it close to her face. “What a beefcake!” she cooed. She tucked a stray magenta curl out of her face and giggled at Nori’s phone in her hand.

“Give it back,” Nori lunged for the device and missed as Mindy held it out of reach.

“Hang on,” said Mindy as she fended off Nori’s persistent hands, “I gotta check his type.” She stuck a carrot in her mouth and chewed pensively. “Mmm, likes cats, into fitness, works as an IT Tech.”

Nori slumped on the white sofa and snatched Miyagi the cat from his hideaway under the couch. The disgruntled animal growled and twitched his tail as she buried her face in his fluff.

“This is nuts, I will never let you make me online date ever again,” said Nori, “I am officially going to go live under my expensively furnished rock.”

“Hold up,” said Mindy, her eyes still glued to the screen, "He’s checked the no preference box, that means he’s into Asians.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s into Asians.” Nori leaned over and tried to catch a glimpse of the ‘hunk’ that Mindy was drooling over. “I’m only half Asian, hardly.” She caught a glimpse of dark hair and then Mindy scrolled up on the page making the image disappear.

“Good thing too, cuz you got all the right stuff out of that gene pool. This dude's name is Brad, he’s 27 and he’s 6’1. That’s pretty good! At least he’s taller than you.”

“Not by much,” Nori grumbled,” I’m 5’10 and that’s pushing it a wee bit. Especially if I wear heels.”

Mindy scowled, “Well not everyone can be a gorgeous giraffe like you. We gotta take what we can get.”

“Right…hey you don’t see me on your case about dating people, why are you pushing me so hard lately?”

“Cuz you’ve been glued to this couch way too long. There comes a time when the cycle of romcom reruns and dry popcorn fests has to end. I mean you basically live in your pj’s when you’re not at the gym.”

“Ha! I wear them at the gym too.”

“More fodder for my cannon. Oh, the office sent some farewell cookies and I put them in the Star Wars cookie jar, but as your dearest, cutest, smartest, bestie of all besties, it’s my right to give you a swift kick in the a*s to get it into gear.”

Nori’s mouth creased and she squinted, “Well throw me into the deep end why dontcha.”

“I hope you brought your floaty wings cuz that’s exactly where you're going.”

Nori stared at Mindy for a second and then the phone chimed.

“You better get going if you’re gonna be on time.”

“On time for what?” Nori asked, and then her eyes widened, “You didn’t…”

“Mr. Right will be here at 8pm to pick you up.”

“What?!” Nori shrieked and lunged at Mindy, dislodging Miyagi in the process. The cat hissed and went to go sit in the pool of afternoon sunshine under the window.

Mindy crowed with triumph, “You’ve got a date! You’ve got a date!”

They wrestled for the phone until Nori finally got it back. She scrolled back up to the profile picture and froze. A warm feeling blossomed in her belly and she swallowed. A beautiful stranger looked back at her.

Nori couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone on a date. After quitting her job at Alpha Bank and the Fiasco, dating was the furthest thing from her mind. She admitted that her depression was getting worse every day.

Some days when she stared out the window of her apartment complex at the world going on without her, she wondered what it would be like to be free of the city.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad? She was running out of willpower to live and her savings were almost depleted.

“Oh no, no, no,” Nori whined as she checked the wall clock, “It’s already 3pm, how am I gonna get ready in time? I haven’t shaved since my last birthday.”

“Honey,” said Mindy, putting her hands on Nori’s shoulders, “That’s why I’m here. I’m gonna bippity-boppity-boo you into the gorgeous girl you are and we are gonna get you out that door on time.”

Nori could feel the anxiety inside mixing with anticipation, like drinking champagne too fast on an empty stomach, “Okay, okay,” she expelled air and looked at Mindy with sheer panic.

“You gotta stop doing that,” said Mindy, “You look like your mom when she can’t find the bathroom.”

“What if he doesn’t like me?” Nori clutched her phone harder, “What if it's a total disaster? What if he’s allergic and passes out from a peanut or something?”

“Nori, that's just a risk you gotta take. You need this. You need to go get your life back and get out of this rut you’re in.”

Nori’s eyes got bigger and she pouted her lip, “But I like my rut. It’s a comfy rut.”

“Life is passing you by kiddo, you need some love in your life. You need someone to love you back and be loyal.”

“Miyagi loves me,” Nori looked over at her cat sprawled in the sunshine by the big glass window.

“No, Miyagi loves food, naps, and his squeaky mouse toy. He’s only loyal cuz you feed him.”

Nori laughed and her tight grip on her phone eased, “Well at least I love HIM. But yeah, you’ve got a point.” She sighed and thought about the man on her phone. “Please kill me so I don't have to go?”

“Later darling,” Mindy said, “You're not getting out of this one. We need to find a dress instead. It’s gotta say, 'take me now, but I might taze you if you try,.' You feeling that vibe? It's a great vibe.” Mindy hummed and hawed as she held up a few dresses.

“I don’t think that I’ll be tazing anyone tonight,” said Nori, as she turned on the shower.

“Well, the night is still young,” said Mindy as she rummaged in Nori’s closet. Nori closed the bathroom door and waited for the water to warm up. She took off her pj’s and stepped into the shower.

She sighed as the hot water touched her skin and she felt some of her reluctance dissipate. Her mind latched onto the dregs of her brooding thoughts and her mind flashed to the day of the disaster.

Nori and Mindy were in the multipurpose conference room at the office and Mindy stared at her across the table.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” asked Nori, wiping at imaginary stains.

“You never try anything new,” said Mindy through a spoonful of risotto.

“What? Nuh-uh,” said Nori.

“Sweetie,” said Mindy, “You’ve brought rice and brussels sprouts for the last four days for lunch. You only use yellow sticky notes. I’ve seen you reuse your tea leaves like three times. You even wear the same black suit and skirt every day to work–”

“It’s my uniform!” Nori pouted her lip, “It’s comfy and the tea was still good.”

“You’ve read 'Jane Eyre' at least ten times since I’ve known you.”

“Hey don’t be hating on Jane, she’s my home girl–”

“Nori, are you happy?” Mindy put her fork down and stared at her intently.

Nori inhaled her last spoonful and she coughed as some rice stuck in her throat.

“Well, I’m only marginally depressed–”

“No!” Mindy smacked her hand on the conference room table and Nori flinched, “That’s not what I asked,” Mindy enunciated her words carefully, “Are you happy?”

Nori’s throat went dry and she swallowed. She smoothed out her skirt and fidgeted in her chair. Pins and needles crept up her legs and her hands shook a little.

“Umm…n-no, not really, no,” she said, her eyes not focusing on anything in particular, “Lately I’ve been feeling more trapped than usual.”

“I challenge you to do something different tonight. Take David out for sushi, or go to a nightclub, or take a dunk in the fountain on Madison, why dontcha. Heck, what are you waiting for? Death? News flash pumpkin, it’s too late then.”

That evening she and David went to the hibachi place on 3rd street. Nori felt distinctly uncomfortable, but they sat and ordered sushi plates.

She and David Andrews had clicked early on. They were both career-oriented, workaholics, and saw each other on most work days. They usually had dinner or lunch together and Nori would pretend to listen to David b*tch about his bosses. They spent every other weekend together and everything was going smoothly and predictably. Nori even felt like her work was not as boring as it usually was when David was in the office.

David was a thin, wiry man with sharp features that gave him a hawkish appearance. He loved going to the gym as often as she did. But David was an endurance runner, whereas she preferred spin class and weight training. As the manager of Alpha Bank his dream was to steadily climb the corporate ladder and Nori admired his ambition, but didn't feel the same drive he did.

But tonight something felt different. David, being almost always composed and contained, was now sweating like a sinner in church.

“You know,” he said, “I’ve never had sushi before and I don't care for surprises. I thought we were going to have steak tonight.”

“I thought this would be a little more…” she fiddled with the complementary chopsticks, “Adventurous? Exciting?”

“I thought new stuff makes you itch. What’s wrong with the place we usually go to?”

Nori’s heart plummeted into her shoes and her cheeks flared. She stared into her cup of tea. The waiter came and deposited their sushi and Nori was spared any further reply.

The sushi was arranged like an art piece on the porcelain tray. It didn’t have a pungent fishy smell like Nori had feared it would and she cautiously picked a morsel up and placed it in her mouth.

She chewed and her eyes lit up as she took another piece and marveled at the unique, almost sweet taste. She relaxed into the booth and popped another piece into her mouth. She looked up at David and faltered.

“Hey you okay?”

“Yep!” he said as sweat beaded his upper lip.

Nori tried to change the subject, “So I think I might have left my copy of 'Jane Eyre' at your place. Have you seen it?”

David loosened his tie with one hand, “No I haven’t. I’m sure it's in your apartment somewhere.”

“What’s wrong?” Nori’s brow creased and she rose part way, but David beckoned her to stay seated, “Are you allergic to sushi or something?”

“I don’t know–Nori, I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” David’s face started to turn red and he wheezed, “I know it's been six years. I’ve been thinking a lot about us. Where we are in life, goals and such.”

Wait a minute, was David proposing? Was this finally it? Was this finally the moment, the one that Nori hoped would happen? She’d been dropping small hints that maybe getting married would be a good idea on their taxes, but to her surprise David stayed seated.

He grabbed his glass of water and downed it in a few gulps. He exhaled loudly, squeezed his eyes shut and spoke in one fast breath.

“I think it’s time we started to see other people.”

“Y–wait, what?” Nori’s mouth dropped open.