7 The New Kid on the Block

He's got a girlfriend. Of course, he's got a girlfriend, you idiot. There's no way he looks like that and has stayed single for three years. What was I expecting? That I'd break his heart and he'd move away and never look at another person. That he'd just wait for me to be ready to go back to him. I'm so dumb. Every pair of eyes in the room is still fixed on me, emotions ranging from pity to pure discomfort reflected in their gazes. I let go of Haider's arm, and he tucks it close to his body but not before I catch a glimpse of the little red crescent indents I've left in his skin.

He doesn't say anything; he's trying not to embarrass me. Carefully, I wipe my face of all emotion, and look to Zia, "Of course not Angel," I'm smiling but even I can tell it probably looks forced. "Why would we fight on your special day?" That seems to trigger everyone and they all make an effort to look normal. At the very least we can all put on a good show for this beautiful little girl who just wants her family to be at her birthday party.

I take a steadying breath and walk across the room to crouch down in front of Zia. This puts me directly at Dastan's side and the room feels like it's shrunk four sizes. My skin picks with the sensation of being stretched tight over my bones and I feel his eyes boring into the side of my head. I ignore him, and the way my insides heat up and twist together. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it, okay?" I tell her.

"Okay," she smiles at me showing off the place where she's lost one of her baby teeth. I smile back and this time if feels more natural. I might not be on good terms with Dastan, and my entire life might be going to shit, but in this moment all I want is for Zia to be happy.

I've always been a little protective of Zia. She reminds me of Tommy in how pure and sweet she always is. He was older than me but he still somehow seemed more innocent and childlike. I always wanted to keep him safe, and I failed. Dismally. He's gone. But Zia isn't, she's still here and she deserves people who love and protect her, people who would do anything for her. I would walk through hell with a smile on my face just to keep that childish innocence intact. I know Haider would too, and Dastan, as much as he's changed, has always wanted to keep her safe from the world. He might be almost unrecognizable in every other way, but one thing I will always count on is how much he loves his family. It's something I've always admired about him.

"Sorry to disturb, but the other kids are looking for Razia." It's an unfamiliar voice, British, female. I know it can only be one person. Dread settles in my stomach like a boulder, this is not how I pictured my day going. I look up, and immediately wish I hadn't. I meet Dastan's eyes first and my entire body becomes electrified by the look in his eye, I don't know what it is but I'm grateful that I'm already on my knees because they feel like they'd probably give out if I were standing.

I look away, and catch a glimpse of his new girlfriend. She's gorgeous, long auburn hair, grey eyes and freckles. She's wearing jeans and a sweater and she manages to make it look so grown up and sophisticated that I feel insignificant and vapid by comparison. I knew I should've worn a different outfit. She's made her way into the room to stand at Dastan's side, which puts her directly in line with me. The contrast between their heights is what catches my attention. She's short, almost as short as Emma. Delicate, that's the word that comes to mind. She notices the new additions to the room then, "Oh! Hi, I'm Anne." I've been struck mute, the awkwardness of the situation is stifling, covering the room like a heavy blanket in the middle of summer. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. How am I supposed to measure up to some beautiful, British woman who's got her life together, while I'm here struggling to maintain a facade of normalcy?

Emma recovers first, "Hi, I'm Emma and this is Kiera," she makes a gesture at me like a girl on a game show and the movement is so dramatic and silly that it finally gets my sluggish mind moving again. I slowly get to my feet feeling more self-conscious than I ever have before. This is the girl he actually wants to be with, she's the one he looks at with affection sparkling like stars in his night black eyes, she's the one who makes his dimples stand out against his golden skin when he laughs at her jokes. It's her. She has everything I stupidly gave up. I want to hate her, I do but I know that's not fair. It's not her fault that I was too much of a mess to realize I had something good, something pure and right. No. That's on me. I offer her a smile. "Nice to meet you."

"Yes, you too" she says warmly, "Are you guys friends of the family?"

Oh.

She doesn't know. Why would he bring her here without telling her? Maybe our relationship wasn't a big enough deal to him to have mentioned it to his new girlfriend. Well, now it's even more uncomfortable. Am I supposed to tell her?

"They're actually Dastan's childhood friends," says Zahra. I could kiss her. "The three of them used to be inseparable." She gives a beatific smile that warms her features and makes her look older, more maternal.

Anne's eyes widen in sincere surprise, "Odd, he never mentioned you guys." She looks so genuinely confused that I know she doesn't mean that as a slight. I assume she's doing some math about why he wouldn't have mentioned two people who are supposedly so close to him. If it were me I'm not sure I'd handle it as well as she seems to be.

I'm considering what conclusions she might be drawing, when Emma says; "Hmm, I wonder why that is…" She's looking at me and now so is Anne. I catch the stiffening of Dastan's shoulders out of the corner of my eye, and give Emma a look that I know she understands to mean that she needs to stop. I don't know what she thinks she's doing but obviously, Dastan doesn't want Anne to know about his past. I can respect that, it's messy and complicated and far from normal. He probably didn't tell her because he doesn't want to scare her off or maybe he just didn't think it was important. I mean some silly fling with a childhood crush doesn't necessitate a full on confession before introducing your new girlfriend to your parents.

"Emma," there's a clear warning in Dastan's voice; the word comes from somewhere deep in his chest, rumbling in the back of his throat. It reminds me of the type of sound you'd hear from an animal about to attack. I can't see his face from this angle but his profile is hard, unyielding.

"You know," Emma begins her voice deceptively light and sweet, almost cheerful. I swallow a groan, there's a light in her eyes that screams trouble. I want to run. "For as much as you've changed" she makes an irreverent gesture at his much changed appearance, "You've still got that stick lodged firmly up your ass, huh?" she grins cheekily. I snort. It's a loud, unladylike sound. "Didn't anyone ever teach you to have fun?" she goes on, clearly without a sense of self-preservation. They've always been this way. For as long as I can remember Emma and Dastan have bickered like actual siblings, always at each other's throats. They'd each destroy the whole world for the other but they also don't really like each other very much. It's an interesting relationship to say the least.

I don't know what makes me say it but before I can think better of joining in I say; "Well, to be fair, maybe he forgot." Emma lets out a loud guffaw, Haider's heavy eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, and Zahra's shoulders are shaking with the effort she's exerting to suppress her laughter. Dastan's eyes snap to me, narrowing. He purses his lips in distaste and my spine stiffens like a steel rod in response. You started this game honey; you don't get to look at me like I've offended you. He tilts his head just slightly, studying me and I know he sees it in my face that no matter what's happened between us I won't buckle under the weight of the guilt and regret I feel.

"C'mon, Angel." I tell Zia and take her little hand in mine. "Let's go" and then I lead her to the door. I'm still holding Dastan's eyes on the way out, and I still can't read his expression. It's disconcerting.