You Who Do Not Belong Will Have To Leave

I died.

As my consciousness fell into the darkness, that's when I realized the end of my life.

"Time of death, 12:59 am."

But isn't it so weird that the world lets you die exactly on your birthday, all alone and on your deathbed? Should I be hurt? Should I cry in despair and in betrayal? I didn't really feel like I belonged in this world anyway, so why would I care and waste my tears in a cruel world? That isn't even the exact time I died.

The day I found out about my disease was the day I knew that death was the only choice left in my life. If this were another person's life situation, they would've panicked, cried, and let out all sorts of sorrowful emotions about them dying. A lot of people fear death simply because they are afraid of the end, or perhaps they knew that they were about to go to hell, but I, Lorelai, in my 21 years of existence, will calmly accept my death regardless of the possibilities. Death signifies the conclusion—the end of all pain and suffering.

Although I may sound so proud and suicidal, the truth is, I do want to live a life. I've always wanted to live a life where I feel like I belong and am loved by someone or anyone.

"Get in the water."

Suddenly, a voice echoed in my mind.

I know I'm a bit frustrated by the fact that I died early, but I think I might be getting insane. Could this be my consequence?

"Get in the water, I say."

Water? What the hell is that voice saying?

Even in the deepest, darkest void of my death, reflections of light appear one by one. It was alluring, like a river stream reflecting the light of the bright sun. I couldn't help but lift my heavy arms and reach for that reflection. I have never seen anything as beautiful and magical as this little light. It's like a dream, a warm and comforting kind of dream.

"Get in the water, Lorelai, and let it flow you to your desired destination in life."

As the voice commanded me, my sense of desperation to live another life brought me to the river stream. It was the bluest, most beautiful river I have ever seen in my life. I didn't waste any more time, and I dove deep into the water. I let myself sink into the depths of the river and take me wherever I should go.