1 The Tutorial
[ Tutorial Start? Y/N?]
I look around me and take in all the sights, or I guess I should say the lack of sights right now. Man why does this shit have to happen to me? I'm just sitting here in a void floating, there's not even any gravity here! I tested it out by going and spitting, all that ended up happening was me and my spit went in opposite directions.
At least physics works right? Means I'm not royally fucked even though I've been here for… actually I can't tell how long I've been in here for now that I think about it. My watch conveniently isn't working, huh.
I guess this is some sort of afterlife then? Well I guess it would make sense that the afterlife would have a way for people to figure out what to do, and hey a pro I just noticed! If I'm dead at least I don't need to deal with being alive anymore! No more shitty parents, no ex-girlfriend, and no general breathing down my back!
I let out a smile and spend a bit longer going and enjoying being weightless, I had to do some training for this back in the day but it's been so long, and it's so much damn fun. Bastard teaching wouldn't let us do anything but the approved exercises. Wanted to float upside down? Nope, wanted to float sideways? Nope. Had to float right side up. Bullshit is what that is, I mean how can you even know which way was straight up. That went and earned me a few hundred push ups.
Well that's enough bad memories, I'm going to embrace death with a smile! I reach my hand out and tap the yes button on the screen that was about a foot and a half away from my face no matter where I had happened to move. I wanted to close my eyes and relax after pressing the button, but less than even a second after pressing it the scenery changed around me slightly!
I looked down at my feet and saw an odd black metal floor with futuristic patterns spreading on it leading towards the center, I also noted that I was apparently on the edge of this platform that seemed to be about 15 meters long by around 5 meters wide, the entire left side had odd protrusions that reminded me of weapons I had seen in a science fiction movie.
After looking around for a moment to gain my bearings I realized where I was, it was something I had played on hundre- no thousands, of times. It was the stage in super smash brothers Final Destination! Man, what a joke. Is my test for getting an afterlife really going to be me testing out my super smash brothers skills? Well let's see what it is that they'll throw at me then.
Nothing, that's exactly what they threw at me. I've been sitting here for what I swear is half an hour and there's nothing here. I ended up just going and walking around the stage randomly and trying to stay on while it goes and jerks around suddenly for it's scene transitions. I am actually pretty amazed by the fact that the temperature doesn't change here, it just stays the same and quite comfortable at that.
After wandering around for a good bit longer another screen appeared in front of me.
[ Defeat the Digital Creatures]
Immediately after that a voice suddenly shouted "3! 2! 1! GOO!" Knowing full well that is the announcer for smash and that the things I needed to defeat would appear soon I looked around desperately, but don't see anything else around me. I try to move towards the wall of futuristic looking shit when suddenly something hits me in the head knocking me to the ground.
I pushed myself up to my feet almost immediately after I fell and finally noticed something, I'm way fitter than I was before! Almost like I was in the service, but now wasn't the time for that, I look around the ground and see that there around 50 small dogs surrounding me, all foaming at the mouth. I've heard of these dogs, but I've never actually seen one, these are called… chihuahua's? Well I don't care about the name too much right now, I'm more worried about them going and moving closer to me.
Is this why they're called rat dogs? Because Jesus Christ they are surrounding me like I'm a piece of cheese that fell in the sewer. Uh, so since this is smash brothers do I need to… defeat them all? Well this will piss off PETA if that's the case, but they aren't too strong in my country so oh well I guess. Though I guess I should try and be nice since that should be the human thing to do right?
(A/N: I clearly made the dogs fake based on the Digital creatures statement, I don't condone animal violence and it's pretty much implied that the dogs are rabid. So if you are the kind of person who doesn't like to see an animal get hurt skip this part and come back at the next authors note.)
I reach my hand out to pet one, but the little son of a bitch decided to lunge at my hand! Negotiations broke down! Mr. Dog, meet Mr. Foot! I pull my hand back while it lunges and go and kick the dog as hard as I possibly can, making it explode into a mass of colorful lights. Well at least I know that it's easy enough to deal with the dogs right?
Well not really, they decided to take advantage of me kicking their friend and bit my left legs ankle a shit ton making me actually cry a little bit. Why are their teach so fucking sharp? My old golden retriever that bit me one time didn't hurt as much as this does! I rip the 2 dogs that are sinking their teeth into my ankles and barely manage to pry them off without dragging any flesh of mine along with them. I then threw them off the ledge while trying to avoid the tide.
I kept running and kicking a dog every so often, but I fucked up. I accidentally tripped on one of them and almost went tumbling off the ledge, however in both luck and severe unluckiness, several dogs jumped onto me and bit into me, but that extra weight kept me from teetering into the void which is especially comforting since I don't have any stocks that I know of, so if I lose I may very well lose everything.
I pushed myself up and bit back the tears while ripping the dogs off my body, and then in a fit of vengeance I used one to knock 5 more of the remaining 20 into the pit. At this point it would be a piece of cake, especially since I am so close to the edge so I would kick a dog and jump over it, the first time I did this I actually slipped and fell, but decided to use the momentum to plant my elbow into the dog, this apparently counted as a smash move as I saw it take off like a firework into the distance. Once there were about 5 dogs left they all tried running away which made me feel like a monster, but seeing that these things were taking chunks out of me with no remorse I decided to pay it forward.
I had to get each dog into a corner to get them into range for me to do anything, however it was depressing at one point, the last dog I cornered decided to jump off with his own free will. I mean, I can't blame him but he attacked me with his friends first. Now that the battle was over though I sat on the floor and leaned my back against the wall. Fucking dogs are evil apparently.
This is why I prefer cats over dogs, if a cat were to attack me I would be fine, I could pull it off easily enough but dogs, man dogs are an entirely different animal. Bad jokes aside I'm being serious, I remember seeing people get torn to pieces by an untrained dog.
(A/N: For those that don't like him fighting the animals come over to here, If you didn't read it he won long story short, but got bit a lot by the dogs that seemed to be rabid.)
What was going on? Oh yeah, before I started going off on the tangent, I had just finished the task and well a doorway? Can I call it a doorway?
No, I don't think I can really, it's more so just a white 2 dimensional rectangle in the middle of the arena. I guess I'm supposed to walk into it? Man this afterlife shit better have all the hookers and games a man could want. Well or I just die forever in oblivion via this door.
Huh, you know it sounds a bit more attractive know, I should probably work on being able to convince myself to go off to my death that easily, but well I honestly just don't care at this point so fuck it am I right?
Yeah I'm right. Well forward unto dawn! I step out with my foot, but as soon as the tip of my shoe hits the wall of light I get pulled into it rather quickly so it doesn't even give me a chance to fight the pull... or the whiplash for that matter.
When I had stopped vomiting from the sudden motion I noticed that I was back in that black void, however the screen in front of me now said something new.
[Beginners gift!
Contains- 1x basic room, 1x F-rank System Integration, 200 credits, 1x F-rank rusty sword piece, 1x F-rank random world entrance ticket, and 1 full recover(Used as soon as gift is accepted)
.
Press button to accept gifts!]
Are… are they really going to dark souls me like that? Giving me the hilt of a sword? I sigh and accept my fate by pressing the button. After pressing it, there was suddenly a floor below me! Granted it's just grey, but still! There's a floor and I'm standing on it! Oh now there's walls around me! Wow, less than 10 seconds and… I'm in a concrete box with a single metal door. Lovely. Well at least I can leave to go to the void whenever I want right?
[Initianting F-Rank Connection to system servers! …
Connected!
Greetings Insert Name and welcome to the Server!
As a first connection reward at- F Rank - You have been gifted- Stat increase: Minor.
]
Well there's another gift I guess. Oh, and there's the rest of the things on the ground. A sword hilt with about 10 centimeters of blade, but it doesn't stop there. It's so freaking rusty that you'd swear it was made of glue and rust. Well at least if I have to fight a horde of animals I can give them tetanus. So pros and cons am I right?
There's also a card on the floor, looks like a credit card. Must be that currency. Wonder what I can buy with it? Well guess I'll find out later, or it gave me a bogus gift. Welp either way what happened happened. The last thing on the ground is a small ticket, looks like one that you get from a movie theater actually.
"System.... Show screen… menu options stats status, oh there we go."
[Pete Stilgrin
System Ranking: F
Level:0
Title(S): <Newbie>
Instructor(S): None
Stats- (Average for -Human- is 10)
Strength: 6.5 (Muscle: 9, Control: 4)
Constitution:9 (Vitality: 10, Endurance: 8, Health: 9)
Dexterity:6.5 (Balance: 7, Flexibility: 3, Hand-Eye Coordination: 8, Reflex: 8)
Intelligence: 7.3(Learning: 5, Reasoning: 8, Tactics: 9)
Wisdom: 9.6 (Willpower: 11, Perception: 9, Intuition: 9)
Charisma: 8.5(Courage: 9, Persuasiveness: 7, Leadership: 10, Appearance: 8)
Note: Wow you don't have a single stat at the average of your species! Go you!]
I mean I know I'm not the best at really anything, but fuck you system, that hurts a bit. Like damn. Well I guess I can't complain too much, I mean they trimmed all the fat that I built up off, so it wouldn't be too hard to go and get my muscle back. Maybe a week or 2? The rest of the shit though, well I guess I can try stretching at least, don't really know about the rest though.
Oh wait, there's a plus button another small segment below the Note, oh it's the Stat increase: Minor! Whatever it is that is, I guess it will make it so that one section of those stats will be increased?
I click on it and see that every sub stat is available for me to upgrade, well my lowest one is flexibility, and honestly it has always kind of limited me in aspects so I guess I should put it into there? I click on Flexibility and then a message appears in the screen.
[Due to low stat, effect increased!
Status- Flexibility- is now 6]
Really? That easy? I mean I don't think I feel that different? Maybe it's because of how low it originally was I guess. Or well this is complete bullshit, I mean I can hope for this kind of an afterlife, but really would it be that far fetched for everything in my life to be shitty?
Well I have had enough of this bleak and depressing room, I'm going to go through that metal door and hope to whatever god above there may be that this is not going to go to a horror game. I'll be fucked over and have next to no chance at survival if that happens. Well maybe if it was a resident evil type… no wait, lickers and tyrants are a thing. Yeah no I'm screwed no matter what if the other side is like a horror game.
I put my hand onto the handle and breathe in a bit, it's okay Pete, you got this. I then turn the handle and open the door, revealing the abyss on the other side and a screen.
[You Currently have access to:
-The Crossroads
Select destination!]
I guess I only have one choice then? Well whatever I guess. I press the button and that white doorway appears again, taking the initiative this time though I step into it while I am still braced for whatever it is that the world may throw at me on the other side.
