19 Reality and regret

Shadow Cat was awoken by the annoying ringing of his phone and a pounding headache. Shadow stirred but was too tired to open his eyes completely. As he stirred he felt as he hugged something weirdly comfortable bringing him amazing warmth. He opened his eyes trying to figure out what was releasing such warmth.

He had woken up in his bed for many, many years but never felt this comfortable before. Upon first opening his eyes his vision was nothing but a blur. He reached up to rub his eyes when he noticed he still had his mask on. "What? Did I forget to take it off?" He said he was just about to remove it when his vision returned fully and he noticed he was not alone.

Shadow Cat let out a gasp and jumped out of the bed walking backwards in shock. He then looked down to find himself totally naked. He covered his mouth to avoid making noise tears filling his eyes as he took in the scene before him. There she was, his princess, the love of his life, handcuffed, naked, clothes ripped on the floor, her body bruised, her hair sweaty and messy, her eyes red and swollen as if she had been crying, and her vagina and thighs covered in dried blood.

Shadow gasped louder at the sight of the blood tears falling running deeply down his cheeks. "No what did I do? Please tell me this is not real." Shadow kept whispering to himself.

He stood frozen as he took in her position. Her legs were still wide open, dried blood on her thighs and bed sheets, a badly swollen and bruised ankle and bruises in almost every spot of her skin. It was clear he had definitely been too rough with her. Shadow Cat placed his hands on his head and then pulled his hair in frustration as he groaned loudly.

"No, no, no! Why? Why did I do this and why can't I remember anything?" Shadow paced back and forth in his room taking notice of the shattered glass and objects all around the room. It was obvious he had done this. His clothes lay on the floor his lucky blade laid on top of the table by the bed, and he was naked with her blood on his penis and thighs. He had raped her! "Why? When? What happened last night?" Shadow kept asking himself a million questions but was not able to answer any of them.

Shadow paced quietly as he forced himself to think back to the events that had occur the previous nice. He needed to remember, he needed to know why he hurt his princess, he would never forgive himself for hurting her like this and even worse she will never forgive him for raping her. "Think Shadow think" he mumbled. "OK I remember arguing with her before leaving home to do my job, I remember coming home and oh I remember now she had escaped but what happened next? Surely this did not cause me to harm her."

At that second Shadow Cat feels pain coming from his shoulder he looked down to see some blood and a large gash on it. Had he been stabbed? His body ached some more and he looked to see the wound Marie had stitched up had reopened some and boy did it hurt. But at that point he did not care all he cared about was why he raped the love of his life and most importantly what else had he done to her. Shadow thought harder, he would not stop until he remembered everything. Once again he looked at Marie as more tears fell upon the sight of her body.

"No" Shadow Cat whispered his eyes widening as memories came flashing back in his head. "I did it again. I fucking did it again. Oh God I really am a monster. I lost control, I hurt my princess, and I fucking deserve to die." Shadow falls on his knees sobbing. His heart filled with pain and guilt. He was sure he had fucked up. Marie would never forgive him, hell he would never forgive himself for what he did to her.

"I couldn't control myself, I lost control, it took over me again, I am worthless, she is right I am nothing but a monster. I officially ruined my chances and she will hate me forever. I am so sorry princess; I swear to you, I swear to my life I never meant for this to happen, not like this." His body shook violently the guilt eating him alive.

That was the moment Shadow Cat began hating himself. He hated himself for not being in control, for letting the darkness take over his body, and most importantly he hated himself for hurting her. He hated himself for not finding the strength to stop, for destroying the chance of earning her trust, he hated himself for scaring her like that, for not letting her go at the beginning and for not protecting her like he had promised when he was younger.

He knew Marie would be frightened and disgusted at the sight of him. His heart chattered at the thought of her hating him forever, the fact that he single handedly destroyed all the good she had, she would never forgive him and worst the thought that now Marie would never love him made him feel broken. He was destroyed. Will he be able to fix this or will he lose her forever?

After an hour of sobbing Shadow Cat got dressed and then picked up the red box and looked for the handcuffs key. He slowly removed them from her wrist noticing the bruises and irritation the cuffs had left on her skin. He hated himself even more now. Even he was disgusted with himself. He was sure he could never undo what had been done. He was sure Marie will never love him after today.

Marie was awakened by the feel of relief as her arms dropped to the bed. Remembering the events of last night Marie refused to open her eyes and face Shadow Cat. Pretending to be asleep was proven to be a difficult task as she felt him caress her cheek. She was confused half of her wanted to slap his hand of her but the other half wanted to lean into his touch. Fighting the urge Marie laid still, soon after she felt him come close and a whisper was heard. "I am so sorry princess I swear I never meant to hurt you. It's ok if you don't forgive me because I won't forgive myself either" and with that he walked out of the room