4 4. The Discussion

Catelyn realized then that moment that she was a horrible woman. So she started to pray, not wanting Jon to die because of her weakness.

"Please spare him," Catelyn pleaded to all the gods. "Let him live." She looked back to make sure he was still asleep. "If he lives, I'll be a mother to him. I'll love him and I'll beg Ned to give him the Stark name. Just please let him live."

When Catelyn looked up, she noticed Ned in the doorway.

"That's a change from the other night," He commented as she stood and then sat back over by Jon's beside. Ned shut the door and then put an arm on her shoulder. "Cat, I'm sorry."

"I know you heard me the other night," Catelyn looked up at her husband. "I don't think you're the one that needs to beg for forgiveness."

"Actually, I think I do."

"I prayed for a child to die, Ned." Catelyn knew that was a horrendous thing to say about any child. And this one may not be hers, but it belonged to Ned.

"Because I lied to you."

"What?" Catelyn didn't understand.

"He's not my son," Ned said, his voice in a low whisper.

"What?!" Catelyn practically yelled, only to be shushed by Ned in response. She took a breath and lowered her voice. "What do you mean? Jon isn't your son?" Catelyn wanted to make sure she got this right. Ned shook his head. "Then," She looked over at the sleeping boy. "Whose is he?"

Another deep breath and he took her hand, leading her to a chair. "Since I returned from the war, I know the babe I returned with has been a strain on you. For that, I am sorry. But I made a vow to someone and to keep that vow...I had to come up with a story. And the only one I could think of was a bastard."

She let out a breath she did not realize she was holding. Deep down, Catelyn could never believe that Ned would go back on a sacred vow of marriage. He was not his friend, the King, who had lain with untold numbers of women and had unknown numbers of bastards. She wanted to weep for joy that her mind had at last been put at ease over that, but then she remembered Ned's warning. She looked at him to continue.

"Howland Reed and I led a raiding party to Dorne, to a place called the Tower of Joy. There, we found Kingsguards, the very best of them. They were commanded by Ser Arthur Dayne." Catelyn knew of the man. He was reputed to be the best knight in the Seven Kingdoms, and the closest friend of the late Crown Prince, Rhaegar Targaryen. "We fought, and I was nearly bested by Ser Arthur. It was only an injured Howland delivering the mortal blow that saved me. Before I finished the job, I heard a cry from the tower. I rushed up and there, I found Lyanna."

Lyanna Stark, Ned's sister. The whole reason why Ned had gone off to war with Robert Baratheon in the first place. She had been promised to him but had been carried off by Prince Rhaegar. Ned's brother had gone to King's Landing, demanding Aerys the Second order his son to return the girl. Those events spiraled out of control, leading to the overthrow of the Targaryen dynasty.

In truth, Lyanna had always angered Catelyn. She was to marry Brandon, but after he and Lord Rickard Stark had been burned alive by the Mad King, it fell to Ned to complete the engagement. If not for Lyanna, Ned could happily have his bastard and it would have no effect on her, she had always felt.

Now, Catelyn was beginning to see the picture before her. "Jon is Lyanna's bastard," she said, understanding.

Ned did not affirm or deny her statement, only continued with his story. "She had just given birth, probably as I fought Ser Arthur. But she had lost too much blood to survive." His voice was breaking, though he was fighting the emotions as much as he could. "And as she lay dying, she said she knew what would happen to her son, should Robert learn of his existence."

Catelyn knew too. It was a dreadful crime, what Lord Tywin Lannister had ordered after his forces had sacked King's Landing. Especially what had happened to Elia Martell and her children. Rhaegar's children.

Catelyn was brought out of her black thoughts by her husband's next words. "She whispered her son's name. She said, 'His name is Aegon Targaryen.'"

She raised her head and met his eyes sharply. "Targaryen…?" But the boy had been born in Dorne, and Dornish bastards were given the surname Sand. If Lyanna's son was named Targaryen… "He's the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen?"

All her husband did was nod, and the full impact of his words hit her. Not just a Targaryen, but the heir to the Iron Throne, Jon Snow, bastard of Winterfell was. And if it was known, Robert Baratheon's wrath would be just as brutal on them as it was on Elia.

Then a fresh wave of guilt came over her. She had treated the boy cruelly, ignoring him, disparaging him and his mother, who Catelyn had thought a whore. She had hated Lyanna for unwittingly seducing Rhaegar enough to ignite a war. But it had never made sense, the belief of the kidnapping and rape. From what she had heard of Rhaegar, he was peaceful, artistic, and moderate in his demeanor. There had been whispers of overthrowing his father and installing him on the Iron Throne, even before Aerys had the Stark men killed.

The guilt she felt must have been so overpowering that it was clear on her face, for Ned's next words were a calm chastisement. "You must wipe your memory of what I just said. If you act any differently, there will be talk. And there are people out there who would pay handsomely for that talk."

She was near tears then. "How can I forget such a thing?" She stood up and turned away from her husband. "Gods, I wish you had never told me! I wish I had never given you a reason to tell me."

He rose and reached out both of his hands to her arms. "It is done now and cannot be undone."

She did not say anything in reply. But she did send out a prayer, to all Seven Gods. 'Let the boy live! Let him live and I will be different. I will accept him, and be a mother to him. I will allow Ned to give him his name Stark. Jon Stark. It would give the boy a family, a true family, not be shunted to the side, forgotten, unloved.

"There must be something that can be done," she begged him, turning back to see him in tears. Catelyn had been told throughout the years of Ned's love for his sister and how it had become his personal mission to bring her home. He had been unable to do that, but he had saved a part of her. Catelyn understood Ned's devotion to Jon now and yearned to show the same.

Ned wiped his eyes. "The entire way back from Dorne, I thought over a dozen possible explanations, but this one…" He must have seen her face and known her thoughts. "We must keep up the pretense, just as I began it. You have set your course with the boy, you must stay it now."

"Ned, just this morning, I prayed that the boy die! What you are suggesting is obscene," Catelyn retorted, horrified.

"But not your everyday demeanor. I would never think you would want a child to die. I understand where your words this morning came from. You have a good and loving heart. But you must hide it from Jon, from the children, from the household. I have to keep my vow to Lyanna," Ned explained.

"For how long?"

Her husband let out a sigh. "For as long as Robert and his heirs sit on the Iron Throne. If it was known, even when the king dies, Jon would never be safe."

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Next Chapter: Ned Stark's decision.