13 Crashing Deeper 2

Wonho gasps desperately for air as he opens his eyes. His body is still shaking. He had that nightmare again. At the alley. The alphas circling him. He sees them every time he closes his eyes. Every single time. Up to the point where he is afraid to close his eyes to sleep and tries to stay awake for days.

He searches frantically for his pills on the bedside table and finds it. With his hands still vibrating violently, he manages to open the lid and takes out two pills. He swallows them and leans back on his bedrest, trying to catch his breath and relax. He feels his heartbeat slows down and closes his eyes. After a while, he shakes the bottle of pills and looks inside. He is almost out. Which means he either has to see the doctor to get another one, or finally has to take his sleeping pills because he can no longer calm himself down if he wakes up like this again later.

Wonho stares at the other bottle hidden in the drawers. He refuses to take this because it means he is too weak to even sleep. That he cannot do anything without any help. But it is either that, or going out to the hospital. And he would rather die than go outside.

He thought he is getting better. He slept just fine at the hospital. The nightmares started the day he got back home. And it continues to hunt him every night, causing him to wake up crying and screaming for help. And his shaking won't stop, even when he keeps staying awake. It drains him off his energy, making him sleepy again so he began to take those pills to calm his nerves.

Gulping a few drops of water from the bottle, the tired omega looks out the window to see the dark sky, before turning to look at his watch. It is 3 a.m., he is sweaty from the nightmare and needs a bath. Everyone should be asleep so he should be able to go to the bathroom without bumping with anybody.

He doesn't have enough courage to see them yet. He needs more time.

Slowly opening his bedroom door, Wonho tiptoes towards the bathroom. This has been his routine for the past few weeks. He manages to avoid both his parents and siblings, going out to the toilet early in the morning, and late at night when everyone is sleeping. And also, eating the food his mom leaves in front of his door once everyone is out of the house. It is hard to do so at first, he refused to get out of bed but after a few begging from his mother to eat, he finally decided that starving himself to death would not change anything.

Wonho hears some voices from the first floor which stopped him from his track. They are not his parents'.

It can't be… the alphas?! No, he isn't giving off any scent anymore! They shouldn't be able to find him! He's at home! Did they break in?

His body freezes from the memory of that night. His whole body shaking again even though he had taken those pills. This can't be happening. Not again. He won't be able to handle it again. He will die.

'Wono-yah… is that you?' Wonho jumps at the voice. They are calling him. They know his name!!

'No!!! No more!!! Leave me alone!!!'

'Wono-yah!!! What's wron-'

'STOPPP!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!' He hears footsteps getting up the stairs, heading towards him. Realizing that he is out of his room and is vulnerable, he runs. Back into his room. Locking the door behind him and sitting with his back against it to block them from coming in, in case they manage to unlock the door. He sits down with his knees near his chest, covers both his ears and prays. That they will go away.

'Wono-yah…'

'Stop!! Stop!!'

'Won-'

'SHUT UP!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!'

'My son…' Wonho freezes. That voice...

'It's okay son… it's appa. I'm here. I won't let them hurt you…' His father is crying. He can hear it from the shaky voice. His mighty father is crying. Because of him.

'It's okay Wonnie, you're safe now. Appa will protect you. I will always be there for you. It's okay now…'

He remembers that name. His father used to call him Wonnie when he is little, when he would run to his father to cry for every little thing. And his father would carry him and wipe his tears before comforting him with a hug. Wonho finds himself longing for that hug.

'Wonnie, appa loves you. Appa loves you no matter what. I will protect you until I die you hear me? Appa loves you…'

He can hear the man breaking down on the other side of the door. It breaks his heart it is getting harder to breathe. He feels hot tears flowing, wetting his sleeves and his chest tightens. He is sobbing hard enough he couldn't stop himself even if he wanted to. That is all he wanted to hear. That they still love him even when he is dirtied. That they think nothing less of him even after everything that happened to him.

He longs for that. For the love and safety of his parents.

All he ever wanted is to be able to feel safe again.

#####

'Wono-yah, honey, breakfast is ready…' Mrs. Seo knocks lightly to tell her son to eat. Last night must have been really hard for him. Everybody is awoken by the scream in the middle of the night. His younger sister even got out of bed to sleep with her because she is worried. And her husband, he fell asleep in front of Wonho's room after crying his eyes out. Everyone is tired.

Things are not going well in the house. Her other children kept asking what is wrong, and why they haven't been able to meet Wonho even though he is already home. They kept on pushing; Byeongho, his younger brother even got mad for the lack of response and ran away from home for a few days thinking it was unfair to keep such heavy secret from them. Everyone needed a break, so she finally asked her husband to send their children to her parents.

And now she is alone. With her oldest son.

The mother takes a deep breath. She is really reluctant to leave her son at home alone to go to work. He needs her but he will probably not eat if he knows she is still at home. She tries the door. Although she knows it is going to be locked, she is hopeful that he would finally let her in. There is no response, so she tries opening the door anyway.

To her surprise, it isn't locked.

Gently opening the door as to not make a loud sound to startle her boy, she stands at the door.

There he is. Her precious son, all bundled up in his blanket while lying on the bed, facing away from her.

'Aren't you hot, honey?' She asks softly, not expecting an answer, rather, just to let him know of her presence. The room is humid, hot, yet her son is all covered up. She looks for the remote and switches on the air-conditioner, making sure to open the window a little to let the hot air out. She puts his breakfast on the table and stands there. Just watching her boy.

'Honey…' she places her palm on his left shoulder and gently caresses it with her thumb. She sits down behind him and lays back, spooning him. Her precious baby boy.

He has gotten so thin.

She places a kiss on his head and just sits there with him, caressing his head lightly, just like she always did when he was little. She hears his soft breath and closes her eyes; he must be sleeping. Last night must have been terrifying for him too. Especially for him.

Why did this have to happen to him? Her child? Wonho had always been a good boy growing up. Minus the constant naughty pranks he and Jun pulled when they were little, Wonho had always been the good son. He never throws tantrums, helped her out whenever he could, he never even gone through the rebel phase. The closest he ever got is dressing all emo, but he never did anything dangerous.

Why did it have to happen to him?

She remembers what she heard last night - Wonho was screaming about being dirty and disgusting. He had a hysteria maybe. Nobody knows what happened that triggered that reaction, but he was screaming all night while her husband calmed him down from the outside.

'Wono-yah… Eomma just wants you to know that… Eomma loves you. You're not disgusting. You're not tainted…' she whispers. She hopes he can hear her even while sleeping. 'Everything will be okay. You'll be okay. We'll make it okay. I'm not giving up on you.'

She hears heavy breathing coming for her son. Is he having nightmare again?

'It's okay. Eomma's here. Shhh…' she pats her son's back lightly, hoping to ease the fear.

'I'm… sorry.' His breath is getting heavier. He is sleep-talking. He is apologizing in his sleep. Her poor son… 'Shh… it's okay…'

'Eomma…I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…' Wonho is not sleeping. He has been awake the whole time.

Wonho is tired of his nightmares. He is tired of getting through all this alone. He wants help. He wants his parents. He doesn't know how long he can handle it anymore.

'I'm not…' Wonho struggles with his breath. He cannot speak clearly, 'I'm not… I'm…'

'I know… it's okay. It's over…'

'No… I'm not… a beta.'

'I know…'

'Eomma… I'm omega…' he is sobbing so hard he thought he could faint. He cannot breathe properly and has to take deeper ones because it feels stuck in his chest. 'I'm not… beta…'

The mother can only nod in understanding. This is all her fault. She knows her womb is cursed, that her family is cursed. That she cannot give birth to betas, only to omegas, and with strong scents as well. Yet she and her husband wanted to believe. When Wonho's eldest sister presented, they had expected it.

But then, Wonho's younger brother presented, yet Wonho still hadn't, they were hopeful. That he might be able to live as a beta after all. And when he turned 17, and his youngest sister presented, both her husband and her was delighted that Wonho didn't present. They were happy that he gets to live like a normal beta, be whatever he wants to be without anything to hold him back. That he will have all the opportunities his brother and sisters will never have.

They thought she is not cursed after all. Or that maybe, Wonho escaped his ill-fate.

They should have known that it is impossible.

They should have known but they chose to ignore it.

Now their son had to pay the price.

'I'm sorry honey… Eomma's sorry…'

'I'm not beta... I'm sorry…' she hugs him tightly. This is not his fault. He is the victim of their ignorance. If anything, Wonho should blame her, not himself. Her son did nothing wrong. It hurts to hear him blaming himself. She feels herself tearing up but tries to hold it in for her son. She has to be strong. 'I'm sorry eo-eomma…'

She rocks him gently while rubbing his back. She keeps on giving his son light kisses on his head to calm him down. He is shaking really violently, and there is nothing else she can do to ease the pain. 'I'm dirty.'

'No honey, you're not! Don't say that… never say that.' She turns him towards her; his eyes are red and puffy, his cheek bones protruding. He is so skinny it hurts. 'You're my beautiful son. The only dirty ones are those damned alphas. Okay? You're not dirty.' She holds his face in place and nods her head, asking him to do the same. He needs to nod. He needs to understand that.

'I'm claimed… I'm his…'

'That doesn't mean anything! Look at me Wonho. We'll break that bond. We can. And I will kill him. Or her. I will cut off his fucking dick, pull out all his teeth and blow his head off with a rifle.'

Wonho nods. He knows this is all talk but he feels safe, even just a bit. He finally feels safe. Letting his mother wipe off his tears, the son hugs her stomach, wanting to sleep in her embrace. In her warmth.

He smiles to himself. What she said was serious, but it is also really funny. 'Eomma, you just cursed.'

'Ommo… I did? You didn't hear anything.' She hugs her son back. He is now smiling and making jokes again. That smile that she missed so much. A few more days and she might be able to convince him to finally get out of this room and walk around the house.

'You're such a badass…'

'Where did you think you got that trait from? Your whimpy father?'

Wonho manages to laugh at that one. She called his father whimpy. Wow.