1 What if..

If there was one word that could be used to describe the night it would be Surreal. She had written a book dedicated to Tanya Denali and given her a mate that loved her with a passion that rivaled any love story written. And then she had published it. At first, she had been afraid of backlash from Stephanie Meyer … but all they had truly had to do was change a few names and it was almost a completely different story. Almost. They had done it for 50 Shades of Grey - and now they had done it for 'Just Say you Need Me,'

'I won't allow myself to love you gently. You deserve nothing less than my wild,'

'She had a wild wondering soul - but when she loved? She loved with chaos and that made all the difference.'

' I have desire for you. The smell of your breath on my needing lips. The taste of you under the covers. Your voice rummaging through every vein in my body.'

Quotes for her book were plastered on signs that she could see through the small slit in the curtain where she stood with her best friend, Kai. Her publicist, Lillian. And one of the security guards. To say she was nervous would be an understatement - but under all of those nerves was pure excitement.

She could hear the screaming fans. Screaming for her. For her book. For the movie her book had turned into, that was being debuted in just a few hours.

Surreal. Unbelievable. Once in a lifetime.

It was too much and not enough. Something she had only dreamt about since she was nine, the first time she had ever written anything. Then fourteen when she realized what she wanted to do with her passion.

"Nervous?" Kai asked, bumping shoulders with her and dragging her out of her thoughts. Her suit was a pure white with a black tie that Nikki had tied for her. Her hair pulled back in an elegant looking bun for as short as it was.

"Always," Nikki chuckled, smoothing out her spaghetti strap dress. Tapping a stiletto heeled foot in her fidgeting. "But also excited,"

"Excited! That's what I like to hear," Lillian smiled widely, gum popping loudly as she chewed without looking up from her phone which seemed eternally glued to her hand.

Kai rolled her eyes and Nikki's lips twitched.

"Let's get this show on the road!" Lillian concluded with a loud 'Clap, Clap' of her hands, shooting the security guard a look that had him sighing, again. She had been asking him if they could finally move from behind the curtain for half an hour.

He spoke into the ear piece in his ear - his voice nothing more than a whisper compared to the screams that seemed to get louder. As if they knew she was just seconds from making her appearance.

"We're Clear," He nodded and moved to hold open the curtain.

Nikki swallowed, took a deep breath, straightened her spine and walked out. The scene nearly took her breath away.

Hundreds, maybe thousands of people…no, fans! Her fans. They were standing on the other side of a small fence that wouldn't hold if they decided to trample it. Screaming her name as if it meant something to them. And it did.

Her smile was wide and blinding, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes as she took it all in. The quotes she had seen behind the curtain were from signs that people had made, copying their favorite quotes from her book. Camera's were flashing - both from their phones and the paparazzi.

"It's amazing.." She breathed, sure that both Lillian and Kai were studying her reaction.

"You earned it," Lillian assured her as she wrapped a protective arm around her waist and held her hip, guiding her further onto the red carpet she only just now noticed.

Nikki waved as she walked, trying to convey her appreciation to each of her fans through brief but meaningful eye contact with as many as she could. Without them she truly wouldn't have any of this.

**********************************************

It had been a beautiful movie, but maybe she was biased. The passion from the two on screen embodied everything she had hoped it would be and even with two female leads and steamy dialogue - it had received raving reviews.

If it was possible, even more people were waiting for her as she stepped out of the building and back onto the carpet. The screaming was a little overwhelming, so loud that she almost covered her ears but instead she just reveled in it. She didn't think she would ever experience anything like this again.

How right she had been.

******************************************************

Three hours later ….

"This has been .." She didn't know how to explain it really, she felt like she had used to word surreal one too many times.

"Surreal?" Kai offered with a smirk and Nikki swatted at her arm.

"Yes,"

"I think it could still get better," Kai shrugged with a knowing look in her eyes.

"How could it possibly?" Nikki scoffed with a roll of her emerald eyes.

A clearing of a throat sounded from behind her and she turned only for her breathe to be caught in her throat. MyAnna Buring - the embodiment of Tanya was standing in front of her! A wild mane of blonde hair, perfectly symmetrical features: high cheekbones, thin nose and full lips that were pulled into a teasing smirk. She was ethereal and Nikki didn't realize her jaw had dropped until she felt smooth, soft and warm fingers closing it for her.

"Careful, wouldn't want you to catch a fly," Her voice was smooth, teasing and practically a purr that melted all of Nikki's insides immediately. She was nothing more than a simp for MyAnna - in any form. Slowly she removed her fingers from Nikki's face, grazing her jaw with her finger tips and Nikki had to fight to keep her jaw from dropping again.

"Hi," She squeaked, only to hope the world would open up and swallow her whole. She heard Kai cough beside her in an attempt to poorly conceal a laugh.

"Hello älskling," MyAnna continued to tease her. Her voice sinfully accented, smile just a little too wide, her blue eyes filled with a bit too much mirth. She was enjoying herself. "MyAnna - " {Darling in swedish,}

" - Buring," Nikki blurted out, a blush coating her cheeks as she grabbed the offer hand with her own. Hers was shaking just a little. When MyAnna tilted her head questioningly, the smile never leaving her face, she explained.. "Of course I know who you are, your reputation precedes you."

"Nikki Hart," MyAnna replied, her voice a mixture of surprised, pleased and flattered,

"You know who I am?" Nikki could feel her heart beating twice as fast when MyAnna spoke her name. The way it wrapped around her tongue did many things to her.

"Your reputation precedes you," MyAnna teased - the way her nose crinkled just right when her smile widened caused Nikki's heart to skip a beat.

"It does?" She nearly squeaked again, at this point words were just coming out of her mouth and she couldn't get it to stop.

MyAnna pursed her lips and it looked as if she was fighting a laugh while Kai had given up being subtle, "Is is your Movie, is it not?"

Nikki scrunched her nose, resisting the urge to squeeze her eyes shut in mortification. She cleared her throat in an attempt to save face.. "Right, I forgot about that,"

"Forgot about your movie on opening night?" MyAnna teased with a knowing smirk

"As if I'd be able to focus on anything else with you standing in front of me," Nikki admitted, a surge of confidence coursing through her.

It was only then she realized they were still holding hands. By the way MyAnna's eyebrows subtly hitched, it was safe to assume she had only just realized as well. They were quiet for a beat - both staring at each other, as if waiting to see who would give in first.

"Flattery will get you everywhere," MyAnna broke the staring, her smile was back as she dropped Nikki's hand.

"Some might say Flattery. I say it's merely fact." Nikki's own smile widened when a small blush coated MyAnna's cheeks.

They had no chance to continue the conversation, someone had called MyAnna away - and she left with the promise that she would be back to talk to her again.

"You were a gay mess there for a minute or two but you pulled in clutch near the end," Kai whistled with impressed laughter,

"I almost made a complete fool of myself!" Nikki groaned, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"If anything I think she found your gayness endearing," Kai attempted to reassure with a couple shoulder pats of comfort. "and you were super smooth toward the end,"

"Yeah?" Nikki asked hopefully with a goofy smile,

"Yeah," Kai chuckled, "Although maybe lose the love sick grin."

Nikki's eyes sought out vibrant blue almost automatically, catching MyAnna give her another smile before she returned to her conversation. "I don't think it's possible,"

***********************************************

It was getting quieter, many had left but many still remained. MyAnna was still there. They hadn't had another chance to talk, but Nikki held out hope she could hear her voice before they parted ways for the night.

It was a loud screeching sound that had everyone present wincing that ended her own conversation. Most were covering their ears from the offending sound, nails scratching on a chalkboard, and some were trying to identify the noise.

Unfortunately, no one was looking in the right direction except Nikki.

Nikki who saw that the large metallic billboard behind MyAnna was falling - and not only was it falling, it was going to crush her. She didn't think. It was mostly just an instinct, a need to protect.

She hiked up her dress with her right hand and dropped her phone and wallet, with wide horrified eyes she ran with a blinding speed - kicking off her heels as she went. Frozen in terror or shock, maybe both, no one seemed to move for a few seconds. That's how long it took for hell to break loose. That was a few seconds, too many.

It was falling faster than those in the way could move - and Nikki's body slammed into MyAnna's, arms encasing her to support her in the drop, and when the board fell - the SLAM was the only sound on the carpet.

No one moved or breathed as they processed what nearly happened.

"Are you okay?" Nikki asked breathlessly, her heart hammering in her chest. She had managed to support most of MyAnna's fall. Her blonde mane tucked into Nikki's neck, while her body was turned to face her and Nikki's arms were wrapped around her torso. They were in a T shape, Nikki having picked her up bridal style to carry her.

"Fine," MyAnna's voice was shaky, and she didn't stop clinging to Nikki, "You saved me," It was breathed against her neck.

"I - "Nikki went to respond only for a cough to interrupt her. It wasn't the cough that was concerning, it was the blood that she coughed up onto MyAnna's blue dress. "I did.." She responded just as breathlessly. She tried to move only to find she couldn't feel most of her own body, nothing below her chest.. she had failed to save herself.

"Nikki!" Kai screamed, it was the girliest thing she had ever heard come out of her best friend's mouth - and had she not been hurt. She might have laughed. "Nikki!" More voices began to scream, alerting MyAnna that something was more than just wrong.

MyAnna tried to move her head and look but Nikki held her still, "Not yet," She pleaded and felt the hesitant but small nod against her neck.

"Jesus Nikki, are you..?" Kai asked, her voice cut off and Nikki figured she was trying not to panic.

"I don't feel anything," She managed to choke out, she knew her words didn't help, not when she heard Lillian cuss from beside Kai or when she felt MyAnna freeze in her arms. She was sure it wasn't a good thing that she didn't feel it.

She coughed again and more blood came out. MyAnna finally moved and she let her get up, she watched her face and winced when she saw the tears gathering in her eyes.

"Don't cry," She attempted, but her words were choppy, tired, slurred.

"I - "MyAnna released a laugh of disbelief that turned into a sob, "Don't cry?"

Nikki nodded despite the fact that she knew the question was rhetorical, "You're much too beautiful to cry," She felt weaker than she had before, she wasn't even sure if her words were making sense. She was having a hard time breathing - but still she felt no pain.

"Talk to her, distract her.." She barely heard someone say and MyAnna sniffed again, wiping the tears and moving closer to her. Lowering her body so they were face to face.

"You're much too beautiful to cry," She mocked, moving to wipe a tear Nikki hadn't felt fall.

"I sh-should have asked f-for your number," Nikki wheezed, "but I h-heard w-woman p-prefer g-grand g-g-gestures."

MyAnna laughed something between a sad sound and an amused one, "I would have given it to you," She whispered before she caught herself, "And next time, just remember Flowers would be just as effective."

Nikki nodded, her own laugh sounding from her throat, it was broken, blood filled and caused her to cough. "Next time," She promised, before her eyes closed. She was having trouble focusing, she was just so tired.

"Nikki, Nikki! Wake up for me, can you do that? Don't close your eyes," MyAnna's own tears were actively flowing when Nikki managed to force her eyes open. She slowly reached one of her hands out towards her cheek - pausing when she noticed the blood on her fingers, confused where it had come from. MyAnna used her own hand to close the distance the rest of the way and Nikki used her thumb to wipe the tears. More fell.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are ethereal?" Nikki questioned - her voice just barely above a whisper. It was the only way she could talk without coughing.

"No," MyAnna whispered back

Nikki's lips twitched, "You're ethereal. A goddess among men."

MyAnna's couldn't fight her smile, even if it didn't reach her eyes, "Stay awake and tell me again when you aren't .. " She squeezed her eyes shut as if she couldn't bring herself to finish,

"Dying?"

"You're not dying," MyAnna scoffed in denial, but more tears fell from her eyes. "You're not allowed to die,"

"I shall try not to disappoint," Nikki chuckled, just studying her eyes.

"What?" MyAnna asked in a bought of shyness,

"When you cry your eyes turn a sky blue," Nikki commented, thumb rubbing against a surprisingly soft cheek bone. Ignoring the blood left behind with each swipe.

"We're going to move it now, keep her awake," She heard someone whisper, or maybe they were talking normally and she was just having trouble hearing them. She had forgotten it wasn't just the two of them. She tried to look but MyAnna's hand on her own face stopped her.

"Your eyes are a lovely shade of emerald green. When you cry, they turn into a sea green, I've never seen eyes that color before." She moved forward slowly, as if she was looking for permission, hesitation, or maybe watching what was happening behind them.

"One,"

The noise was almost overwhelming now, all of it coming back in startling clarity.

"Two,"

Flashes from cameras, screaming, crying, pleading. It was overwhelming, disorienting. She whimpered.

"Three!, Lift!"

"Shh, just look at me. Just me. It's just us," MyAnna whispered and just like that the background noise faded. No one existed but them in that moment. No one mattered more than those blue eyes looking at her with so much sadness. A pleading hidden in them she wasn't sure MyAnna realized was there - a pleading she desperately wished to give into but knew she couldn't.

MyAnna was studying her, her thumb running gently across her lower lip. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she must have found it.

It took her longer than it should have to realize MyAnna was leaning in, that tears were still falling slowly from her eyes as someone spoke behind them, but her attention was solely on Nikki and Nikki couldn't take her eyes away from her even if she wanted too.

Her chin trembled and Nikki was sure MyAnna wanted to cry harder but was trying to be strong for her, was it because she was too young to die? Was it because she had saved her? Was it because she would have given Nikki her number?

Was it because Nikki would have called her, after pacing her bedroom for hours and psyching herself out? With Kai teasing her from the side of her bed with a half eaten pizza and a bottle of mountain dew?

She would have dialed the number and proved herself to be a gay mess - drawing nothing but teasing from the object of her affection. She would have relished in the teasing, it would have given her the confidence to tease back. Maybe they would have stayed on the phone for hours - losing track of time simply because they were enjoying themselves too much.

Maybe they would have talked every night for the next two weeks and then Nikki would have found the confidence to ask her on a date.

"Do you - I mean, Do you want to, maybe see each other? In Person? Again?" Nikki face planted into her mattress even though MyAnna couldn't see her face.

"As in …" MyAnna teased - she was always teasing. Nikki adored that about her.

"As in…" Nikki gulped, "As in a date?"

"I thought you'd never ask.."

They would have planned it for a Friday and Nikki would have remembered to bring lilies - MyAnna's favorite flower. She would have changed her outfit fifteen times. Her shoes another eight.

" You did say next time to bring flowers," Nikki teased, hoping to hide her nerves behind charm.

" And you remembered," MyAnna would have laughed, tossed her head back and laughed a full beautiful laugh that had Nikki's knees weak. Dressed in a beautiful dress that hugged her curves.

" I remember everything you say,"

They would have ate at a restaurant by the water, the finest restaurant Nikki could find. The stars shining down and illuminating the blonde strands that hung loosely in her face as she smiled. Nikki wouldn't have been able to look away - her heart speeding up, slowing down and stopping all together just at the look in her favorite blue eyes.

" What?" MyAnna would have asked shyly, it would always amaze Nikki how she could be so confident and regal in her movements and then shy seemingly out of nowhere.

"You're beautiful," Simple words but the unspoken meaning behind them spoke volumes. I don't ever want to stop looking at you. Nikki hoped MyAnna had heard them. MyAnna did.

She would have given her the jacket she worse over her own dress, resisting MyAnna's weak protests.

"I insist," Nikki would have stepped closer, and draped her jacket over MyAnna's arms. MyAnna was older than her but shorter than her. "It looks better on you anyway," Winking she would have stepped back again, only for MyAnna to step forward and take her hand.

"Thank you," And Nikki knew MyAnna wasn't just referring to the Jacket.

With a squeeze of her hand, the only response would have been. "Anything for you,"

Nikki would have walked her to her door, hands clasped and soft and sweet words exchanged. Ones that had a smile on both of their faces, as MyAnna moved closer with every moment until she had her arm wrapped around one of Nikki's.

"Here we are.." Nikki would have walked her right to the door, saddened that their night had to end but thrilled with the possibility of another.

"Here we are," MyAnna would repeat, also disgruntled by the end of the night. "Oh, your jacket!"

"Keep it," Nikki would have stopped her hand as she grabbed it, smiling when MyAnna looked at her questioningly. "Give it to me next time we see each other,"

"So, you'd want to do this again?" She had never expected to hear her sound so uncertain, but resisted teasing her. This was a moment for seriousness. To reassure her.

"I'd be honored," MyAnna's smile would spread across her face, lighting it up in a way that took Nikki's very breath away.

They'd lean it at the same time, eyes flickering from lips and back again. No noise but the sound of their shared breathing between them - puffs of smoke could be seen with the cold nights air.

"Are you sure?" MyAnna would have asked because she's older than Nikki is and she would never want to pressure her.

"There is nothing I want more," Nikki's voice would have been breathless, desperate, giving away just how long she had craved this, thought about it. Hoped for it.

A kiss so soft and delicate, as if she were made of fine glass that could break with the slightest pressure brought her back to the present with a gasp. She could taste the saltiness of MyAnna's tears on her tongue - or maybe her own - when their lips parted for the briefest second.

Smooth hands cupped her face gently, as she wrapped her own hand in MyAnna's silky blonde hair and their lips met again. It was just as gentle as the first kiss, just as delicate but somehow more. As if a plea.

"Stay with me.."

"Always.."

**************************************************************

And then her world went black.

***************************************************************

Slowly, ever so slowly she started to awaken. Sensation returning to her toes, then her legs, her hips, her stomach, and as it did - her eyes fluttered open.

She was alive? She slowly sat up - she was in a bedroom she didn't recognize. A bed she didn't recognize.

"MyAnna?" She called out, her voice raspy from lack of use. How long had she been unconscious? A glass of water sat next to her bed with a bottle of Ibuprofen. She wasted no time popping four into her mouth and chugging the water. Her head was pounding.

"MyAnna?" She called a bit louder, hoping this was her bedroom. She was the first face she wanted to see. "Kai?" She doubted her best friend would have left her alone for long.

The door flew open and she jumped, hand going to her chest to settle her heart when it hit the wall with a loud 'thud'. "You're awake!" A scraggly looking brunette nearly threw herself through the door, she was young. Clearly a teenager, with a ugly green sweater on that didn't match with the dark blue sweat pants she wore.

"Who the fuck are you?" Nikki hadn't meant to blurt it out but had she been kidnapped by a fan? A fan with a bad fashion sense?

The brunette's eyes widened, she seemed taken aback - whether by her brashness or her loud voice she didn't know. Nikki realized she had probably came off rude and took a few breaths to calm herself.

"Sorry," she apologized, although it felt weird to apologize to her potential kidnapper. "I meant, who are you and where am I?"

"Bella.." Her voice was shaky, in fact it looked like the girl was shaking? Was she nervous? Scared? She almost looked like a cornered animal.

"Okay, Bella, right?" A nod. "Right, can you tell me how I got here? Where I am?" She wanted to ask where MyAnna was, or Kai, or Lillian but she doubted this girl knew much. If anything she as an unwilling accomplice.

"Mom!" She called in a raised voice, and Nikki's eyes narrowed. Mom?

An older looking brunette, came practically running down what Nikki assumed was the hallway. Pasuing at the door as she panted and looked at her with a bright smile.

"You're awake!" Her smile faltered when Nikki didn't return her enthusiasm, eyes seeking out Bella, who looked a lot like her but younger. Clearly her daughter.

"I am.." Nikki replied slowly as she watched the - Bella, struggle for words. "And who are you?"

It looked as if she had smacked the woman in the face from how hard she had reeled backwards. Bella had flinched at the question,

"I'm your mother," but her words were spoken slowly, like she wasn't sure of herself.

"Cute," Nikki smiled sarcastically, "Now who are you really? Where am I? Where is MyAnna? Kai?"

"Nikki, honey.." The woman spoke hesitantly, walking forward as if she were the cornered animal. "Who is MyAnna or Kai?"

"That doesn't matter," She deflected when she realized they truly had no idea who they were. If she had truly been kidnapped no reason to get them involved. "Why am I here? I'd like to go home,"

"You are home.." Bella finally found her voice, moving to stand behind her mom. "I'm your sister and this is our mom,"

"This isn't funny!" She suddenly snapped, jumping out of the bed and moving far away from the two brunettes. "I want to go home! You can't keep me here!"

"Nikki, baby you are home! This is your home! I'm your mother and Bella is your sister!" She pleaded but Nikki backed up when she came forward.

She was going to respond when she froze catching her reflection in the mirror. She looked exactly as she always had - long brunette hair down to her waist. Emerald green eyes. Plump pink lips and eyebrows thinned to perfection. But what threw her off was she looked younger! It wasn't that she was old - she was only twenty six but she could easily see the teenage features she had outgrown.

"How old am I?" She questioned,

"You - We just turned seventeen," Bella answered. When Nikki's eyes snapped to her, she blushed, "We're twins. Fraternal! Fraternal twins!"

Nikki felt her lips twitch despite herself, an ache in her to say 'and how long have you been seventeen?' But she ignored it. Now wasn't the time for poorly veiled twilight humor.

"I'm… I'm just going to lay back down." She felt lightheaded all of a sudden, maybe this time she was actually dying and before she knew it. Her world once again went black.