26 Second Thoughts

The bus was near inches away from driving out of town, and Isabella has asked the driver to stop. To say that I am not scared for what is about to happen would be a blatant lie. Has she at this very last second gone and changed her mind?

But the driver does as she asks, and he pulls the bus over to the side and stops. The doors are not even open yet, and she is dashing outside. The tremble in her hands is so bad that they are clearly visible. I don't know what, but something has got her spooked.

I move closer to her but very slow, for I know not to cramp her space when she is having what she calls a panic attack. Not truly a real one in the sense of the word. It is just she prefers her space when she needs a moment to think for herself.

"Boo, are you okay? What is wrong?"

"Soldier, are we making the right decision?"

"I think we are. Do you think otherwise?"

"I am scared we are going to lose each other. My heart won't take being without you."

"We are not going to lose each other. We will see each other almost every day."

"What if you have to go out on a mission? What will I do?"

"I won't go out on any missions; you know the board won't clear me to do that."

"I am just scared, soldier. We don't know what it is going to be like out there."

"That is why we have got each other, boo. I won't let you do this alone."

"Soldier, I don't know if I can do this."

"You know that you don't have to do is. You should not do something for me just to make me happy. Do this for you, because you want to do this."

She starts pacing up and down the pavement, kicking little stones as she goes. I can see by her furrowed brows that she is thinking deeply. This is the woman I love; I will not allow her to make a mistake like this. Who knows the long-distance thing might work, but what won't work for me is forcing something on her that she does not feel comfortable with.

I let her pace for a few moments longer and then make my way over to her. She looks at me, and I see the tears drowning her deep brown eyes. Her whimpering is soft, but to me her pain is clearly visible. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pulled her close, gently rubbing her arms. Despite the heaviness in her heart, I feel her sink into the warmth of my embrace. Just for this moment, by this touch, everything somehow seems clearer; our future seems a little less bleak.

"Soldier?"

"Yes boo?"

"Promise you won't leave me there. Please promise me we will be okay."

"I don't know what is going to happen down there, but I promise you that I will always make sure that you are safe."

"It's not safety I want; it is you."

"You got me boo, I promise you that I am yours no matter what."

"Well, I guess let us get our asses back on that bus then."

"Before we do, I just want to tell you something."

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you."

"I love you even more soldier."

"Nah, can't be more than me."

"You want to bet?"

"Why don't you rather show me."

Just as I am about to pull Isabella into a passionate kiss, I hear an old familiar voice shouting my name.

"Ah Clayton my boy, I thought you guys were leaving today."

"Yes Betty, we are. Can you not see the bus?"

"Oh, the bus, yes. I thought you two lovebirds might have had second ideas."

"It's thoughts Betty, second thoughts."

"Oh, so you have second ideas. But why?"

"I said it was thoughts, and no, we do not have."

"I see, then why are you standing here. Is there something wrong with the bus? Do you want me to give you a ride?"

"God no! I don't think you are licensed to drive that far."

"I can always slip the driver a twenty."

"Betty why would you want to bribe the driver?"

"Oh is that what that means. Then why don't you kids just say it? You do say the weirdest things sometimes."

"Betty, I think it is you that say the weirdest things sometimes. But if you will excuse us now, we have to go."

"You sure you don't want me to drive you?"

"Hell no, I do want to get there alive."

"What did you say?"

"I did not say anything; you must be hearing things Betty."

"Well, you kids must have fun by the soldiers."

"It is Marines, and we will try to play nice with the other soldiers."

"That is good; now if you must excuse me, I want to go write this interview down."

"What?! We were just talking."

Isabella wraps her tiny hand around my wrist and pulls me back onto the bus. "Come, soldier the old lady is going to give you a heart attack."

A few seconds later, the driver pulls out of the little old town and start heading to our new home at Camp Pendleton.

We will be living at Camp Pendleton for the first week or two while I go through the review board. Then after that, we deploy off to hostile country. It is not the first weeks that scare us the most but the weeks after that. This will also be the times that we won't see each other so often. But we both have faith that Harrison will be able to work us around that.

For most of the bus ride she is sleeping; the worry of losing me weighs down on her heavy. I know that every bit of this reminds her of her husband, and her fear of this happening again is very real. But still, here she is following me to God knows where. She is the love of my life, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint her. This has to work; if not then I will make it work. For us, for our future.

Much closer to our destination, I can feel her stir from where she is resting her head on my lap. Slowly she flutters her eyes open and smiles at me.

"Hey sleepy head."

"Hey soldier. Are we there yet?"

"Only about another half an hour or so."

"I almost slept the whole bus trip; why did you not wake me?"

"Mmm…cause I know how grumpy you get when someone tries to wake you."

"I don't get grumpy."

"Then you just mumble in angry words."

"You better take that back."

"Guess I have to; there is not far I can run on this bus."

"So soldier, tell me are you excited?"

"Yes somewhat, what excites me more is that you are here."

"Where is Harrison going to meet us?"

"At Camp Pendleton. He will meet up with us later this evening. Gives us some time to unpack and relax."

"Mmm…so I am going to play domestic housewife for a few days."

"Uhm...you say wife?"

"Oh come on soldier, don't tell me that you don't want to marry me?"

"I just...I have...wow that is something a man does not think about that often."

She bursts out laughing and smacks me on the arm.

"Only kidding soldier."

Somehow I think that she truly ain't kidding at all. But are we at that point in our relationship yet? Not by a long shot. But then when are you ever really ready to take such a big step. All I know is if we ever do, it has to be for all the right reasons. Right now I think we are more scared of losing each other than anything else.

I am quickly taken away from my thoughts as we drive up to the gates at Camp Pendleton. Big on the side is the large wall saying "Marine Corps Base." Excitement boils over; after months of torture and endless amounts of hope, I am finally home.

"Boo we are here!"

"Wow, this place is big; I did not think it would be so big. I mean I have seen pictures, but this is just amazing."

"Camp Pendleton is one of the largest Marine Corps bases. You and Mark were at Camp Lejeune?"

"Yes, but we met only after we deployed."

"Well I honestly prefer Camp Pendleton over Lejeune. You are going to like it here."

Just as we step off the bus, we are met by a young man dressed as one of the new recruits, "Afternoon Sir, my name is Ricky. Sergeant Dobbs asked me to see you to your home."

"Afternoon, Ricky, thank you. This here is Isabella."

"Afternoon Mam. Please let me carry your bags."

After loading our bags, Ricky takes us off to where we will be staying. Our home is Nothing out of the ordinary fancy; it is a two-bedroom duplex style home in the Del Mar community.

Isabella loves it immediately; she can barely contain her excitement as she rushes through the front door. It warms my heart to see that she is starting to feel more comfortable with the situation.

After exploring every corner of our new home, we finally manage to do the unpacking. Both of us are too excited to even think about getting some sleep. A few hours later as the sun starts setting, Harrison arrives.

"Evening you two. I see you have settled. I hope you like the place; it was the only I could find on such short notice."

"Oh, I absolutely love it," Isabella says as she thanks Harrison.

"Yes," I add. "I don't think I have ever seen a woman so happy over four walls and a roof.

"Hahaha," Harrison says as he steps back away from Isabella. "Now, if it were my misses I would have gotten a slap."

"Oh," Isabella turns to me. "Believe me he is going to get slapped."

Once we are all seated in the lounge, I ask the most important question of the hour. "So what happens next?"

I see a look on Harrison's face that I am all to familiar with. "We have a slight problem."