25 The Unchosen One's Heart

The rain poured down heavily on the wooden tiles of the house's roofs. The mood turned that of a misty, gray, and damp. Male and female took shelter among shadows and canopies. And some are trudging the wet ground, their boots leaving a trail on the mud. There was a clamor inside the hubs and taverns, men and women argued and bantered. The smell of roasted meat grew strong despite the smell of the mud around the place. Nolan's hair was slowly getting wet. He felt the cold temperature yet he was used to it. The cold didn't bother him the slightest.

Nolan gazed upon the sky there was a streak of light escaping from the clouds. He stopped for a moment, he wondered about the cruel world that would arrive in the future. The dim-lighted sky, the aura of depression, the bitter grimaces of men, and women as they go on with their lives with their teeth's clenched.

He eyed the people and realized that they are not wearing the gilded cross around their wrist. He had to remind himself that tradition started only when the lights grow dim. There were guards around the sides of the lane Nolan was walking. Nolan could recognize the guard, but the guard has forgotten him without his carrier. That guard was being helped by a young soldier who was wearing a helmet on. He held his spear in such a queer manner that Nolan could not help but think of his days back when he was just a guardsman of throes. The days where he fought foes greater than him and the brothers he lost.

He had forgotten their names and faces. Even the sigils in his pupils didn't remember them. He could only remember the people that have been seen by his eyes. So those people are now lost forever to him. They could be alive right now but they wouldn't even remember him. To them, he was just now a bleak walker with two sigils in his eyes.

Nolan let the rain wet his face. He stopped in the middle of the lane. He felt his eyes emitting as the world before him, turned black and white. There was no color in his world at this point. He could only think of the past, and the future.

He wasn't special. He was not chosen. He was 'Soldier A' who somehow made it to the ends of the world. He was able to watch the world get saved. He saw the light open before his eyes and the world's splendor returning. He could remember his second death fondly. He could recall that feeling of happiness that came into him as he thought that he has helped save the world and that it was finally over.

To die in the name of the greater good and to fulfill the wish of those who have cried tears and sweated blood just to save the world from the evil that threatened it. He walked the bleak path and trudged over thousands of corpses just to reach the end goal.

Nolan returned back to the Inn where the restless patrons started to bury their heads sulking. He could tell that there were many of them worked on farms. The people of the Teresina settlements sow rice berries that are grown into fields. These berries have the appearance of thumb-sized rice but, they taste like berries. The rice berries are cultivated and preferred in the Outer lands because they can be eaten easily. But in the Inner Lands, they eat wheat, oats, and bread exclusively.

The waitress noticed Nolan. She tugged her braid and started to her feet. She faced Nolan and smiled brightly. She noticed that his eyes didn't have the cold look anymore. She wondered what was happening to him but Nolan's eyes stared at her.

"Hello," said Nolan.

"Do you want something to eat?" she asked. "The weather is cold and I don't think it will stop at any moment. We have some of this black drink that keeps the belly warm. I think they call it coffee!"

"I see. I think I will not drink for a moment," he patted her shoulder. "Thank you for asking, I rather rest for a while."

"Oh," she smelled the blood on him. "Did you kill the monsters in the mire?"

"They are taken care already. So it should be safe to trek the mire."

"That's great!" she said happily.

"Yes, I'll try to look at Da's Mill. I hope that they will give me rewards as well."

"Okay! You should rest then!" said the waitress.

Nolan nodded his head and turned to the direction of the stairs and clambered up. The waitress spun and eyed a man who was looking at her. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Who was that?" asked the man.

"A slayer of monsters, he took care of the mire problem."

"He did?"

"Yup, it looks he's planning to take care of Da's Mill too. Shouldn't that help with the harvest?"

"Hmm, it will. The guardsman of throes has been killing the scale monsters so they should be tired. Every day they are getting lesser so this might be the best news we have today."

"Is that true?" a man chimed in.

"You heard him." The waitress thumbed the first man. "That walker should take care of the monsters in the mill. So how about you boys give us some rice berries first?"

The latter man smirked. "If you tell the Innkeeper to always save us some seats them we'll talk."

"Yeah, if you reserve us some seats then we'll try to bring you the rice berries first."

"That's great!" the waitress clapped her hands. "I'll tell the owner to have some seat reserve for you two."

"That should be great," said the first man. "Let us hope that slayer can take care of the monsters then."

Suddenly, the door opened slowly. A group of guardsmen who looked they just got from hell sauntered inside the Inn and took a spare table. They took their helmets off and placed them on their laps. The long-haired man with a beard and a rather grim expression called for the waitress.

"What a mess," said one of the guards. "To think that we have to return earlier than expected, I'll say that we got lucky that we didn't get entrapped by the scale monsters."

The group of guardsman grimaced. They lowered their heads in silence. They didn't have the heart to be happy at the moment.

When he entered the room Ciara was still sleeping soundly. She was rather tired as well and the crest of the War Maiden on her back keeps her in a dream-like state where she had to imitate the various War Maidens of the past. It was one of the many attributes of the sigils and crests.

He didn't want to bother her so he sat cross-legged on a silent spot and breathe as if blowing a balloon for thirty-times. Then, he held his breath in until he gasped, and breathe normally before repeating it until he entered a state of trance.

Nolan found himself in an imaginary room. It was a simple room, a bed, a table that has a personal computer on it, a shelf filled with books, a study table, and blankets scattered around. There was a dark gray-haired man who wore a hoodie and jeans, he was reading a book.

"Robust but not unbreakable," said the young man who looked like Nolan. The other Nolan eyed him. "The Bleak Walkers are robust – they are not steel-willed. They are just robust and hardened by their experiences. Their emotions are like a huge, tall dam. That dam is slowly filled with water and if the dam doesn't leak out, there's a chance that it might overflow and cause problems."

The Phantom put the book down. "To become a bleak walker you have put love towards fate. You thrive in chaos and no matter how the world keeps hammering you down. You would get up more robust than ever. Like the Hydra, no matter how you cut its head off it will grow back and become stronger than before. To kill it you need to cut the heads at the same time. You're not that impressive. It took you many years to reach your skill. To court a woman you spent years following her. You were so driven by her affection that you chose to become a true heir of the Old Revenant. You walk as if each day were your last. You never act without purpose and resolve – or without the means to finish the job. Solely focus on what's in front of you – and along the way you became robust."

Nolan didn't reply to his own phantom. The Phantom saw this and smiled lightly. "But even I say it like that you were nothing special at all. The others grew as strong and might be even sturdier than you. You were just another walker that fought in the light's army – the difference was that you were in love with a war maiden. The ice queen honored by the light's army and yet no matter how you got rejected and beaten up by her. You chased her until she accepted your stubbornness. She was your light and through her you become strong. Yet, when she died you became a true walker who fought and fought. You wanted to help to save the world and you did help in doing so."

Nolan nodded lightly.

The phantom said, "Yet, here you are back in the past. I am your imagination, and you are letting me speak your heart out. The troubles in Oasis City were something we could not control. The trichotomy of control has three laws – the first law is the things that we have complete control over. The second law – are the things we have no control over. The last law is the things we have some control but not all. What happens in Oasis is something that we could have never predicted. Or did you think that we are omniscient? That the world will bend down and lick our shoes and do what we want? The perfect plan never exists."

Nolan opened his mouth. "But because of me..."

"Because of what?" he said without emotion. "Her legs got crippled? Isn't that why you are taking her to the Three Fates? To restore her legs and make her walk again." The phantom suddenly opened his eyes. "Ah, could it be that you have a wish? To keep her alongside you and be with her and spend this life with her?"

"I..." he tried to reply but no words would come out.

"You want her but you choose to resist. You've seen what your meddling did. The fall of Oasis City happened and this time a beholder appeared. You killed it along with the owner of the sword you are carrying now – but it ended with her crippling. You are guilty and you cannot allow yourself to continue meddling fearing that this world won't have a future if you do what you desire."

"Yes," he blurted out. "I want to be with her damn it! I didn't ask to relive this time again! I helped in saving the world! I was happy that I could see the light again at my dying moment! I died twice already! I've killed so many and the corpses that I have to step on to somehow reach that stage kills me inside! Every single day I have to be reminded of their death! I have to listen to their cries and my heart feels so heavy just by listening to it. It echoes in my head constantly and their woes don't stop even when I am asleep!"

"So you are frustrated?"

"I am!" he shouted. "Living takes courage! I have become resilient in times of trouble. I can keep calm now but in the end, I am still a human being with a beating heart! It hurts seeing those who I've fought with and yet they don't even know me! They don't know the times we've spent together in shared suffering! And now that I am back here in this world I have to keep myself from meddling knowing that I might ruin the world's chance to be saved! I tried meddling and the result is this! It hurts but I have to leave this world alone! I don't want to ruin it and if it means that she'll be back to her glory then I am willing to stay back and watch her from the distance!"

"So you are afraid?" said the phantom.

"I am. I am afraid of it all. I've become skilled enough but I do not have control over the fates of the world. I simply don't have...to assist this world I have no choice other than this."

"Ah, to walk the Bleak Path again even in this world?" said the Phantom.

"Yes. No matter even if it hurts me. I am used to this kind of pain. Hah, to think that the day I would come where I could just be like this. I used to fear everything about this world. Always holding my spear wrong, always wrong, always a mess, having no clear goals other than survive for a day. Then, the world turned dark, I was forced to step out of comfort zone and deal with many things going around my head. I don't even remember mom's name. I don't even remember the face of my father. I missed my home. I missed the peaceful modern world. I missed that old peaceful spot near the docks where I would watch the seas and feel at peace. I don't even remember my childhood anymore. What country did I grow up in? I've been living in this world for too long that they've become a distant past. I have to ask myself if those were real. And when I am feeling so shit like this that I have to ask what meaning I have for all of this suffering? There was no angel or a divine path laid by God for me! I was just here and that's that! I found a path to follow and here I am!"

He smiled with profound sadness.

"I miss ma's pie. I really do. Hah, if I somehow know to cook that pie maybe it will cheer me up. I already welcomed discomfort. Hah, this is unbecoming of an old bastard like me to complain so much in his own dreams." He took a deep breath.

"Are you done?" said the Phantom.

"I am," he took the deepest of breath. His expression went deadpan as he regained his composure. The overflowing dam of emotions inside his heart finally spilled out. Nolan was used to ranting inside his head to keep himself sane.

The Phantom turned into a smaller version of Nolan. The Phantom became a frightened child that seems to be shaking with fear. Nolan eyed the child him and said. "It's okay. We can still do it."

"But it will hurt!"

"I know."

"You'll have to part with her!"

"I might need to."

"It is scary!"

"If you think that way then it will be scary."

"What's the point?"

"Because it is what it is."

"Why?"

"I just have to."

"You can just walk away."

"I can, but I have to."

"To what end?"

"For her, I can do it."

"Can you really take it?"

"I can. Keep a stiff upper lip, clenched your fist and crawl if we have to. We've been through so much already anyway."

"But you were just crying and angry?"

"I was. If I don't cry the dam in my heart will break. I am just a human who keeps a detached view of the world. Whatever happens, happens, I cannot change the things I have no control over. I just need to keep going."

"All of this for her?"

"She was my guiding light. She was the sun that kept me alive. I fought for her. It is not up to me to keep her from the glory that she will have. She's chosen as the War Maiden of this world along with the Six Heroes of the Elemental Light. Even if I cannot change the world or tamper the horrible events, at least I can help her in the shadows and trek the bleak path."

"I see," said the Phantom.

The Phantom transformed into an old man with grayish white hair. His arms were filled with scars. He was wrinkled but the fire on his eyes burned so brightly. His armor was torn to pieces. His sword chipped and there was an aura of tiredness around the old man. He was far different than the current Nolan.

"Like always then?"

"Yes. We had to. Thinking about it isn't really helping us, right?"

"Damn straight," wheezed the old man. He walked to where Nolan is and patted his shoulder. "We've died twice already, no need to be afraid."

Nolan smiled and started to his feet. He went to the opposite direction where the Phantom was going. The world that he was in then slowly started to ripple. And, he found himself back in the room, squeezing his eyes open. He looked around and saw that Ciara was rubbing her eyes.

There were tears on him. If Ciara could see his face she would react and be shocked. Nolan didn't let her see this weak side of his, he subtly wiped the tears on his face and stood up with a calm, collected countenance. He approached her with the same look on his face.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

Ciara beamed at him. "I am," she said with a low voice.

"I see." He nodded twice. "I'll get some rice berries for you. Do you want some beef or any kind of meat?"

"Yes, I would like that," she cracked her head gently. "And thank you, for doing this."

He beamed at her. "Do mind it. Sometimes we have to rely on someone. You can rely on me, and when you are back on your feet you would remember how you would tightly hold your arms around my neck. I can then brag that the War Maiden was rather affectionate with me!"

Ciara turned her head away, her cheeks burning. "You really do like teasing me. Still, it is better than being pitied."

"Do you want me to pity you?" asked Nolan.

Ciara shook her head. "I would loathe you if you do that."

"See?" he said. "You are already strong enough. Everyone needs a helping hand, so if you want to cry then cry, if you want to say help then say help me. I'll help you get your legs back, so don't try to think too much about it and just rely on me for now. You've been chosen and I know you'll be great."

"You believe in me too much," she said with a lowered head. "Thank you."

Nolan nodded. He turned his back away and thought, "I guess I'll enjoy my time with her until we part ways."

He had to guide her back to her path. As 'Soldier A' he had at least have the right to guide one of the Chosen Ones to the direction that they need to take.