12 As You Wish
"Sometimes I wish you would just stay dead."
Me too, Sasuke. Me too.
But I knew for a fact that he was not talking about the death that I experienced before I was born into this godforsaken world and family. So which death was he talking about? Because I honestly did not remember any other one.
And I wholeheartedly agreed with his insults, the boy had every right to do that since he was the one who was burdened the most by my existence.
But what could I do? I did not ask to be put here. I never wanted to constantly look over my shoulder, waiting for something bad to happen. I never wanted to have these urges to constantly run at every little thing. I did not want to have nightmares. I did not want to keep on looking at the doors and the windows, always wondering if they were securely locked even though deep down I knew that they could not stop whoever it was that would come through them if they wished so.
I wanted…
What? What do you want? To live? What's there to live when the only things you feel are powerlessness, uncertainty, and fear? What's there to live when there's only pain? Is that what you call living?
I didn't know what I wanted.
"Let's just go," Sasuke muttered, his tone conveying just how tired he was with this. Whatever this was.
You and me, buddy.
I linked our hands, focusing on Sasuke's warm grip and ignored everything else.
I ignored the cold wind that slither down my spine and coiled around my neck like a poisonous snake. I ignored the ghostly cold breath besides my ears, caressing, hugging, whispering.
I ignored the tingle on the tips of my fingers, as if they were touching something that was not there. Ignored how I could feel warm liquid seeping under my fingernails. I ignored how I could feel twitching – soft, pliable, tasty – meat beneath my fingerprints.
I ignored how the scratching sounds only grew louder the more I ignored them. I ignored how they were followed by the sounds of skin being peeled, slowly, bit by bit, like how one would peel scabs from dried wounds. I ignored the whimpers that came every time the nails accidentally scratched the naked flesh.
I ignored the staccato of agonized screams that bellowed in sync with the wrenching sounds of bones – cold and hard, the nails could not pierce them – easily ripped from their joints, one by one, puncturing fleshes and rupturing vessels.
I ignored the sounds of rope being tightened, digging into skin, ripping it, layer by layer; followed by gasps and choked pleas of please, please, please, have mercy…
And...
Silence.
There was no scratching or choking sounds anymore, just an eerie and uncomfortable silence.
I took a shuddering breath and loosen my grip on Sasuke's hand. It's over, it's over, it's o–
I felt something else settling within my fist instead, a rope, with heavy weight hanging beneath it.
Then it suddenly slipped, sliding over my palm.
No, no, no, no, no.
I instinctually tightened my grip on the invincible cord, it's too heavy… The rope slid again, its rough edges scrapped against my skin, tearing the outermost layer.
I held on tighter. Bloods began to ooze from my skin, slipping between my fingers, slicking my grip.
It slipped, down, down, down, down, until–
Snap.
The singular sound echoed like a clang of sword against metal inside my mind, a finality that I could never change. It was over...
No…
Your fault, it whispered.
No…
Your fault.
Oh God… I sucked in a breath. Oh God…
Your fault.
I pressed my fist against my mouth to muffle my panicked scream.
Your fault.
I stared down at my shaking hand and saw blood decorating it, dripping from the abrasions that were scattered on my palm. This was not just ink and stains. It's real, it whispered. This was life, and I was holding it in my hand.
I drew my eyes back up and met Sasuke's horrified face. Behind him, beneath the rustling leaves and hanging on the strange tree, I saw nothing else but the dead man.
"Still think I'm lying?"
…
Somebody out there had taken his life, his life, and here I was with his warm, sticky bloods,
Feeling the most alive I'd felt in years.
