17 Chapter Thirteen

"You... used to be a patient?"

My jaw had dropped. Yanan laughed softly, but nodded.

"Yes, I used to be."

"I... how did you leave?" I was floored.

"Well, I can tell you all of that later, ma'am. What's your name?" He took a sip of his McDonald's coffee.

"Oh! Um... Jane, Jane Whittaker," I replied. "I... when.... when did you...?" I had no words. I was so shocked.

"I know you'rle curious, but I can't tell you right now. All I can say is I've been out of Pentory State for two years."

"Why can't you tell me?" I asked in confusion.

"I have to go," he replied. "It's too much to explain. Could I take you out to eat sometime? Then we could talk about it."

"Take me out to eat?" I blinked.

He smiled, then showed me his ring finger. "Don't worry, I'm married. I just want to help. I know the guys, but I've been too scared to go back."

"I see... um, yes. Here, I'll give you my number..." I took a napkin and wrote down my phone number for him. He took it.

"Awesome. I'm a tad busy, but we will find time. I could tell by your reaction to me that you want to help them out, and lord knows I do too. I am angry with myself for having to take two years to just get myself back together."

"It's okay," I told him. "What counts is you're here now."

He sighed. "I wish I felt the same way." He stood. "I'm sorry I acted so... odd, before. I didn't mean to stare. I was just trying to make sure it was you. Then I saw your notebooks... and their names..."

"Don't be sorry," I replied. "I... it means a lot that you want to help. Doing this on my own is very intimidating, but now that you're going to help, it'll just get us one step closer. So thank you."

"Of course," he replied. "Well, I gotta run. I'll send you a text later, okay?"

"Sounds great!" I said excitedly.

Yanan gave me a small smile and a wave. "See you later."

"Bye!"

He left and I immediately slumped back against the back of the booth. Did that just happen? Did... our luck just turn around? How did he leave?

I immediately left and started back to the institution.

I needed to check on Kino, so I dropped off my keys, purse and my shake, and hurried to go see him. I didn't want to mention Yanan, so I was just going to see how Kino was feeling. I also wanted to check on the others, because that had completely slipped my mind today.

Hui...

I wanted to talk to him. However Kino was top priority right now.

I unlocked his door. "Kino?"

"Jane?"

I closed the door and walked inside. He was facing away from me. "Kino, I'm going to pull the chair up slightly, but I won't get too close, okay?"

"Okay."

I pulled the chair up to the bed, but stayed about two feet back. He was still laying down, but he smiled at me. "It's nice to see your beautiful face again, Jane."

"It's nice to see your handsome face again, Kino."

He beamed, but didn't sit up. God he was beautiful. I felt more motherly toward him than anything, as if I was admiring my child.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him. "Are you okay?"

He decided to sit up now. "I'm feeling better, thanks to you."

"You're so kind," I said, grinning.

He looked at me with admiration. "Um... Jane?"

"Yes?"

"I would like to try... something." He gulped.

"What would you like to try?" I asked.

"Um... can you..." Kino took a deep breath. "Can I... try to touch your hand?"

I gasped. "Of course, Kino. Of course."

Is he going to have a breakthrough?! Oh my God!

I set my hand on the bed slowly. He still jumped and it was hard for him not to move away. I flinched and tried to pull my hand back, but he stopped me. "No, it's okay. I gotta try. I gotta try to get better..."

He stared at my hand. I held my breath, my heart racing. "You can do it Kino. I know you can."

Kino watched, then slowly lifted his hand. It was shaking so violently I half expected him to touch me by accident.

He inched closer to me. He whimpered slightly. "I-I'm trying. I'm s-so sorry. You must think I'm a f-freak."

"I don't," I assured him. "Take your time."

He inched closer, and closer, and closer...

"Ah, I can't do it!" Kino sobbed. He started crying, pulling his knees up to his chest. I took my hand away and looked at him sadly.

"It's okay Kino. We can try again some other time."

"Are you sure...?" '

"Of course I'm sure," I said. "Take your time, Kino."

He laid down on his side and looked at me. "I think once you know why I am like this, you won't think it... it validates it."

"Why would you say that?" I ask him sadly.

"It just... I should be stronger... I shouldn't have let my past lead to this..."

"Stop blaming yourself," I told him. "Please, it's not your fault."

"It's my fault I reacted the way I did... people go through what I did often and you don't see them in mental institutions." Kino stared at me, his eyes sad, but also curious.

"Different people react differently to things," I assured him. "It's really okay. I'm going to help."

"Jane... I want you to hold me... but I can't..."

I blinked. "I want to hold you too."

"I've never been held before," he said sadly.

"By anyone?" I gasped.

"No... not that I can remember..." he wiped his eyes. "You are the only person who is trying to be kind to me... besides the others of course... but it's different because you're... sweet. And motherly."

So he felt that connection too. "Thank you. So are you Kino. I think you're sweet."

"I'm too messed up to be that," he said, smiling.

"No, you're not," I said firmly. "You're extremely sweet."

We smiled at each other.

I found that by the time I left his room, I didn't want to leave at all.

*************

I checked on the others, then went to see Hui. He had just taken a shower and smelled and looked amazing. His hair was brushed back off his forehead and his tank top was tight, clinging to his body.

Good lord I can't do it-

"Hello Jane," he said, grinning. "It's nice to see you."

"Hey Hui," I replied. I watched him sit on his bed.

"What brings you here?"

I sat down next to him and he immediately tensed up, but from what I could tell, it was because he wanted to touch me, not because he was repulsed by me. He refrained from inching closer. "I... I found out some things."

"You did?" He looked around, then back at me. "You saved me last night. Thank you."

"I had no idea I did," I told him. "But believe me, I'm so glad."

He nodded. "You... found out stuff?"

"Yes... I'll tell you tomorrow, okay? During our walk."

His eyes widened. "We can take walks?"

"Yes, we can," I replied. "I wanted you guys to get some exercise."

"I mean, there's something else we could do that counts as exercise." Hui looked at me with slight hunger in his eyes.

I tried to ignore it, but it was obvious he had affected me. I laughed softly and awkwardly as I turned red. He grinned.

"Okay... so I just wanted to check up on you and make sure everything was okay." I stood. I needed to move away from him before I did something stupid. I tried to remember that he used to be a sex addict, and that I am not important to him, but... god he was attractive. And hey, he did say he'd take me out...

"Everything is fine," Hui told me. "Are you leaving so soon?"

"Hui, if I don't leave..."

He licked his lips. "You'll...?"

"Ugh, nothing," I groaned. "But stop playing with me like that. We have to keep this strictly professional."

Hui stood as well. "Yes... I guess so."

"Do you want me to keep my job?"

"Yeah..."

"Then we can't do anything."

He sighed. "Ugh... I know. I know."

The tension between us was so thick it was hard to breathe, but I couldn't risk it. "I'll see you tomorrow, Hui."

"Okay Jane. I look forward to it."

I wanted to kiss him so bad.

"Me too. Goodnight Hui."

"Goodnight Jane."

I turned and left, locking the door behind me.

**************

I waited until one in the morning for Yanan to send me a text. Finally, as I was about to doze off, my phone buzzed.

I picked it up quickly.

-I'm so sorry, I know you might be sleeping. It's Yanan.

I opened the text eagerly.

-Hello Yanan, it's okay :)

I was really tired, but the boys came first.

-Hey :) I don't want to tell you over text in case the HM gets a hold of your phone, so we should talk about this in person. However I'm going out of the country for a few weeks in a couple days, so it'll have to be after that... I know that's a long time to wait, but that gives you time to gather more information for me. Is that okay?

I was a tad disappointed that I would have to wait to go to dinner with him, especially because these boys didn't have all the time in the world. I could still help them, of course, but I really wanted to get a move on things.

-Okay, that sounds good :) I will get as much as I can. Do you really think you can help?

I hit send and sighed.

-I will do my best. I'm going to head to bed now. I'll msg you when I'm available for dinner.

I nodded to myself.

-Okay, goodnight, and sounds good!

-Goodnight :)

I set my phone down and laid down on my bed.

Despite being tired, I did not sleep.