16 Kestrel Caught Ren Again

"It's… too much." Ren's half-human-half-whale psychic incarnation groaned, shutting his eyes. He sunk further into the ocean, putting his hands over his mouth as his injured tail shook wildly among the rising bubbles.

The underwater plants and corals reached out, like a bunch of hands comforting him and leading him to a quieter, more private place. He had just killed a bad guy and, worse, taken the life of a poor, tormented creature. The fancy room was splattered with blood, and he could still sense the killing vibe and a heart stained with blood. But now, he felt worn out.

"I should have killed that beta the first time I saw her," Ren muttered to himself, yet without any real desire to kill. His voice was so low you could barely hear it.

She had crossed a line, taking off his headband and socks, sneaking up from every corner to trap him.

Ren felt ashamed. A soldier, still on his 'mission,' was taken away and stripped of his weapons in just a few seconds. A tough warrior turned into a fish out of water. His psychic incarnation, his faithful friend, was strangely obedient now. It made happy whale sounds and even tried to break free from his control to swim to the surface towards those tendrils bothering his body.

Yeah… it was too comfortable.

Being touched by these weird and wet tendrils, Ren oddly felt a relaxing of his tight spirit. His psychic incarnation was like it was bathed in warm ocean water. The constant stress in his mind loosened, the constant pain eating at his bones eased, and layers of dirt lying on the sea floor began to break down.

"Is this what a beta is like? Are all betas like this? No wonder everyone wants a beta," he thought.

Ren had hardly ever interacted with betas. He didn't like the idea of strangers touching his psychic world. During his time at the alpha academy, the only grooming session he took ended in his assigned beta fainting in fear at the sight of his deep and limitless psychic sea, almost causing a big problem.

After that, he had never interacted with betas again.

In the North, no betas were willing to face such cold. Alphas at border outposts who were close to mutating had to be moved back to the capital for treatment. Only if they managed to survive the journey, could they be sent to the expensive grooming sessions in the capital, where betas would groom their psychic worlds to help with the built-up dark feelings.

Actually, most lower-class alphas couldn't afford the high cost of getting into the grooming chambers. All they could do was watch as they lost control, turning into mutant monsters. They wouldn't even dream about having a beta for life.

Like all his buddies, Ren had depended on the beta pheromones distributed by the government to just barely hold back his psychic power's rampaging. He had never been to a grooming chamber, never got help from a real beta.

"Are all betas like this?" Ren thought, biting his teeth and trying to hold on.

A tendril pet his head, messing up his hair, and breaking into his mind over and over.

"Hey, you can chill out."

"There's no need to push yourself. Don't be so tense."

"You look worn out. Like you're hurting."

These weren't clear words, just broken thoughts delivered by these psychic tendrils. They messed up his hair and left thoughts—innocent, simple thoughts that went around the brain. They could naturally read human feelings, clearly and purely catching hidden pain and tiredness.

"No, I can't. I don't deserve it," Ren whispered in his heart.

"Hey, you really can, you should take a break." Like it heard his thoughts, the voice quickly answered back.

"Did he talk?"

"I'm sure I heard it this time."

"It's bitter, like that thing called coffee."

"Oh my gosh, it's a person."

"An alpha? An orca? The one we touched before?" The tendrils seemed suddenly scared, their tips all shooting up quickly.

Ren shut his eyes for a second. He couldn't keep pretending anymore. Beaten by the beta again. The second time, totally and embarrassingly.

He reached out, pulling off the surprised tendrils sticking to him. He grabbed his headband and socks, his body a little weak, struggling to put them back on. Quietly, he cleaned up the marks left behind, his lips tightly closed, and started crawling forward, ignoring everything around him.

He didn't care anymore. Fear of dying was way stronger than fear of being humiliated. Besides, this wasn't his first time with that person.

The tendrils were scared by Ren's sudden move. Their simple minds couldn't understand, and they gawked, moving out of the way for the quiet, moving big orca.

Kestrel, too, was blown away by the tendrils' sudden rush of feelings, standing up in surprise. She couldn't believe it. There was a person hiding in the air duct above, an alpha with his psychic incarnation injured, and it was someone she knew.

Kestrel looked up at the ceiling, thinking, "The tendrils seem to have done something unusual."

Because she was talking to Tarian and was distracted, she hadn't kept a close eye on them, and they seemed to have done something rude.

Tarian looked at Kestrel, who had suddenly stood up, with a dark face. A wave of anger from being embarrassed rose in his heart. In this corner, sweet with flowers and away from others, while he was spilling his heart out, she had been distracted, suddenly stood up, and looked at the ceiling of the room far away.

"Maybe I'm really not in her heart," Tarian thought sadly. "The sadness and sleepless nights after breaking up, she doesn't seem to have felt at all. It's just me, not sleeping night after night, always thinking of her."

When Tarian heard that Kestrel had asked to go to the border, a sense of delight at her trouble surged in his heart. He thought that no matter how cold and proud she looked, deep down, she cared about him. After breaking up, she had been so heartbroken and jealous that she was even ready to go to such a dangerous place to avoid him, making such a dumb choice.

Tarian laughed a few times quietly in the night, feeling a sad and pitiful happiness that he couldn't share with others.

There was also a bit of guilt. After all, he knew that Kestrel, a beta whose engagement had been broken, might face a lot of talk in their circle and have a tough time.

He planned to have a real talk with Kestrel tonight, heart to heart, to clear up any misunderstandings. He even wanted to tell Kestrel that there was nothing between him and that woman. If Kestrel felt so upset and fought so hard, they could make up. The engagement might have been broken, but they could still get back together if he, Tarian, was okay with it. He thought that Kestrel was all alone and had no one else but him.

But now he knew that Kestrel didn't have a heart. Self-pity, jealousy, and heartbreak wouldn't show in her. Just like the day Tarian was seen holding another beta's hand, Kestrel showed no hesitation or second thoughts. She just looked at him coldly for a while, seeming disgusted, then immediately took off their engagement ring and threw it into the sewer. She was determined and calm, not hesitating for a second, not even saying a word of blame or insult. It was as if she couldn't wait to get rid of something she hated.

"Has she really let go of me now? In such a short time? She's even not paying attention while talking to me." Tarian suddenly felt a hurt in his heart. The bitterness was like a needle prick, he slowly realized that something that couldn't be undone had happened.

He suddenly hoped that even if she yelled at him or hit him, it would be better than this kind of coldness and peace, being distracted, and treating him almost like a stranger.

Tarian suddenly grabbed Kestrel's wrist, biting his teeth and said each word, "Kestrel, are you heartless?"

Her wrist was so fragile, pale, held in the hand of an alpha like Tarian, it felt as if it could snap under slight pressure, as if she could never break free. On such a dark, alcohol-filled night, it was all too easy for an alpha to do something to a nearby beta.

Kestrel, standing in the shadows, looked up at Tarian. Clad entirely in black, with a cold gaze, she stood by the pool full of water lilies, enveloped in their fragrance. She seemed a completely different person compared to when they first met - a girl in a white dress, surrounded by a sea of flowers, standing in the sunshine.

Tarian felt as though this might be the real Kestrel - peculiar, enigmatic, awe-inspiring, fearsome.

Something unfamiliar and odd began to move beneath Kestrel's smoky and misty skirt. In the dim, disorienting night, they crept and gathered in the shadows. They stirred restlessly, their icy stares all focused on Tarian. That was Kestrel's unique psychic incarnation.

A shiver ran deep within Tarian, and his hand gripping Kestrel's began to sweat.