1 Who Am I

It happened on a cold, cold winter night. The sky was dark, there were no stars, I mean what would you expect in a country like Hua. The wind penetrated through my uniform and I rubbed my hands together to get some heat as my teeth chattered. Each breath came out in puffs of white vapour, my face and extremities were slowly becoming numb as I walked home. The streets were quiet, people were inside their houses.

Hmmmm..... It's the times like these that make me wish I was not alone. That I had a family of my own - a wife, 2 kids (preferably a boy and a girl) and 2 cats to keep us company (Not a dog person) -but what can I say.

I've not introduced myself have I? I'm Zhang Wei which means great. I guess my parents wanted me to be a great guy, sorry I disappointed you, mom and dad. I'm a prison guard, you read that right, a prison guard.

Now I know you're imagining a medium-height, hot-headed, pot-bellied young man with a slight bald spot. Unfortunately for the both of us, I fit the stereotype to a T.

I can rage and rant, and say that the world has been unfair to me but deep down, I know it's my own fault. We were not the richest family in our little Tai'an village in Gansu Province by a long shot but my parents made sure I was well fed, taken care of and sent to the best middle-class high school they could afford.

I just never took my studies seriously. It wasn't that I partied or was a wild child, I just suffered from a serious disease called chronic procrastination. I would never do my assignments until it was time and then send in shoddy work and get a normal grade.

I would always console myself with the fact that grades didn't matter and that all that mattered was that I would pass but deep down, I knew I wanted to be a great student. I just couldn't dig myself out of the hole.

I used to be sanguine in school. I was the one who seemingly had a lot of friends, vivacious, always ready to talk instead of studying. Always trying to find something interesting but after I started working at the prison, I slowly changed. The people here were not interested in talking, everybody did their own thing and you had to adapt or be chewed out.

If only I had taken my studies seriously, I would have gotten into a college. Instead, here I am, a 25-year-old man, working as a prison guard. Sometimes, I wonder what my parents would say if they saw me like this.

The funny thing is, I'm not even a high-level guard. I just issue the new prisoners their clothes and that's it. Apparently, I'm too young and the prisoners will not find me intimidating.

If only I could get a sponsor to help me.....if only.