6 Chapter 6: "We may be fated to meet, but we were not fated to be together"

I slammed the front door of our apartment open, running straight towards the cabinet where we keep our clothes. My mother followed suit, yelling at me, "Alina! Talk to me! Please!" My mother grabbed my arm, stopping me from getting my clothes out of the closet.

"Alina! What do you mean you're leaving?" My mother cried, her voice pleading for me to explain my brash actions.

My eyes started to water when I saw my mother's face filled with anxiousness and her hands on my arm trembling. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. "I have to go." I exhaled, my voice shaking.

"What about Ansel?" My mother all but screamed. "He's fighting for his life right now, and you are just going to leave him?" The accusatory tone in my mother's voice made my heart squeeze in pain.

'I know that what I'm doing is heartless, I'm not denying it, but what else can I do?'

"I have to," I said in a small voice. I looked down on my mother's hand holding my arm. "There's nothing I can do for him except to leave." I touched my mother's hand and slowly pulled away from her grasp.

'He'll be safer that way.'

"What do you mean?" My mother tried to grab my arm again, but I pulled away. "Ansel is a strong person, he can make it."

"I can't stay here mom, I have to leave," I shook my head, my voice quivering from all the tears that I'm trying to hold back. I stared at my mother, her face stained with tears, and her eyes filled with fear. Suddenly, the thought of leaving the only family I have frightened me. I took a step towards her and took her hands on mine. "Mom, will you go with me? Let's leave everything behind. Who knows what they might do to you once I'm gone."

My eyes widened when I felt my mother's palm connect against my cheek. "Snap out of it Alina Rain! Your husband is fighting for his life, and you are just going to run away?"

My eyes watered, not because of the stinging pain on my cheek, but because I was suddenly brought to the realization that indeed, I'm running away.

I'm running away from the people that I love.

It's true that there is nothing else that I can do, but I kept passing the blame onto that family. I forgot that they can do all these things to me because I'm weak and a coward. I'm scared because they have been pushing me closer and closer towards the edge of the cliff. I'm scared that sooner, I would come crashing down onto the surface.

And once I fell, I would not be able to survive at all.

But jumping down on that cliff on my own is not the choice I could make. I could not take the risk and end up losing everything. They already took away my hope, and now they are using Ansel's safety against me, what else can I do?

I sank on the floor as my whole body felt weak. Too much had happened ever since Ansel and I got married, and my heart felt like it could burst any moment because of all the pain that I have suffered. I thought I could endure it all. I thought I can endure everything that they do to me.

But now, they want to take everything away from me and leave me with nothing but scars.

The tears that I have been trying my best to control suddenly fell. Soft sobs left my mouth as helplessness overcome me. I have to accept their offer and leave, because if I don't, then even Ansel will be gone from me forever.

And I'm fine with Ansel hating me all his life as long as I know that he is alive. I'm fine with being a coward, as long as I could be certain that he is safe.

'How can that family even negotiate with their son's life on the line?'

I felt my mother envelop me with a hug. She moved her hand up and down my back, trying to calm my trembling figure. "I'm sorry, don't cry," she whispered, her voice shaky with tears.

Her warmth made my walls shatter. I grasped onto her and hugged her tightly, feeling more tears fall down my cheeks. "There's nothing I can do." I gasped, my cries drowning out my words. "If I stay here, I wouldn't be able to do anything for him, and worse things may happen."

"That family they--" the words got stuck on my throat as I sobbed louder onto my mother's shoulder.

She gently pulled away from me and held my face in her palms. She stared at me, her eyes red with tears. "I don't know everything, but I trust you. If you think this is for the best, then I will support you until the end."

She pulled me into another warm hug and whispered, "I just hope you won't regret anything."

***

After closing the front door of my parents' house, I leaned back on the door and sighed. I finally said what I wanted to say to Ansel, and I hope, at the very least, it cleared things up between us. There may be no more chances that we will see each other again, but I hope that this time, we could leave on a good note.

"Alina?" My mother called. I saw her figure come out of the kitchen. She was wearing a wrap over her shoulder and her eyes looked weary under the lights. When she saw me standing near the entrance, she almost ran towards me. "Thank god you're back." She hugged me tightly, her voice filled with relief.

"I'm sorry for making you worry mom," I spoke and hugged her back. I felt the slightest tremble from her hands on my back. I felt my heart squeeze with guilt for making her worry this much despite getting discharged from the hospital merely hours ago.

"Where have you been?" My mother pulled away from our embrace and dragged me towards one of the sofas in the living room. We sat beside each other, her hand still holding mine. "You didn't come back after sending Ansel off, and I got so worried. I called your phone but you left it here, so I had no choice but to call Ansel and ask him."

"I'm sorry. I just," I trailed off. I looked down on our hands, ashamed of making my recently recovered mother worry about me. "I wanted to do some thinking."

My mother tightened her hold on my hand and asked, "Is it about Ansel?"

A sigh left my mouth. "Yes. I wanted to speak to you about that."

I wanted to tell her to stop her plans on getting me and Ansel back together, but I don't want to say anything that could hurt her. I made her sick with worry just now, and I don't want her to feel more down because of me. I don't want to sound that I'm scolding her when I know that she only has good intentions in her heart.

I took a deep breath and started cautiously, "Mom, Ansel and I will never go back to the way we were before." I stared at my mother's face and looked for any reaction. When she smiled at me, her eyes contradicting her smile, I felt my heart constrict. "I'm sorry mom, but there's really no chance for us."

I should have told her years ago. I should have explained to her clearly why I had to leave before. I run away and left my mother with so many questions as to why I had to leave. I was scared to tell her everything at that time because I'm scared of sharing my pain with her and making her feel miserable.

'And it's still the same now.'

There is no need for me to tell her why I left. I just need her to understand that there is no chance for Ansel and me anymore.

"I'm sorry too," my mother spoke. "I think you already realized that I'm still hopeful for both of you." She chuckled lightly.

"Well, you are not exactly discreet." I teased.

"I just," my mother sighed. "You were the happiest when you were with him."

I smiled sadly at what my mother had said. It's true in the past, but I doubt it will be true now. When we were together, I felt like the whole world finally gave me what I wanted. I saw everything from a rose-colored glass, and I felt like every day is a wonderful spring day no matter how scorching or how cold the weather is.

"You were like a pair of lock and key. You fit each other so perfectly that I've never been happier to see you smile so tenderly at each other," My mother said with a smile permanent on her face as she reminisces our past. "You were the key that made him open his heart, and your dad and I were so glad to see both of you grow because of each other."

I felt my eyes water at the words that my mother was saying. I've never thought about others' perspectives whenever they saw us together before but hearing my mother talk about us as if we were fated to each other, I felt my chest constrict.

'Because it was all in the past. The present is very different now.'

"But I guess, I was wrong to take my daughter's happiness into my hands," She continued, her voice soft and filled with remorse.

"We may be fated to meet, but we were not fated to be together," I spoke, my voice so low it sounded like a whisper. I stared at my mother, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "No matter how much we loved each other, if the whole world is against us, then there is nothing that we can do."

"But isn't that what it means to be in a relationship?" My mother interjected. "To fight for each other even if you are against the whole world. Isn't that what makes a relationship grow stronger?"

"That sounds more like a fantasy." I chuckled lightly. A moment later, a frown settled on my face and I spoke, "But there is no relationship anymore. It has been five years. The crack is too big to fix now."

'And the wound is too deep to heal without a scar.'

No matter how hard we try, I'm sure the relationship between Ansel and I will never be the same. There will always be an underlying fear between us – the fear of getting hurt once again. Even if we had our second chance, that fear will only restrain us from fully giving our hearts to each other once again.

An uncomfortable silence surrounded the room. There was a heavy atmosphere hovering around my mother and me. I wanted to break the silence and talk to my mother regarding my return to Japan, but I'm scared that she might reject me once again.

With a deep breath, I tried to gather as much courage as I could. "Mom, you know that I have to go back to Japan soon right?" I spoke, to which my mother merely nodded. Her face fell into a frown and I continued, "I hope you'll consider moving with me. You are my only family now."

"Alina, I--" My mother paused and turned her gaze downwards. She looked like she was deeply troubled by my request and guilt swelled up in my chest. She just went home from the hospital and I'm already making her stressed because of my selfishness. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by my mother. "I'll think about it, I promise."

Relief washed over me when I heard her say that she will think about it. It is already an improvement from her immediate rejection before, and I hope she would answer positively. She brought her hand to my face and touched my cheek gently. A smile decorated her face before she opened her mouth to speak. "I just hope that you can find your happiness."

'I hope so too.'